DEPRESSED

DEPRESSED
"How are you?"
The same answer, the same lie
Every fucking time
"I'm fine"
Feeling frightened for the next line
"You sure? You look off"
Keep on with the lies
Keep on wearing that mask
"I'm okay just tired"
Faking a smile, a laugh
Faking being happy

You look at my face
Do you think I'm happy?
If only you dug beneath the surface
You would maybe realize how broken
How broken and torn apart I really am
How torn apart not only in my soul
But on my skin too
Cutting and trying to take the pain
The pain of my soul away
Wearing long sleeves and jeans
While you have the chance of wearing shorts and tank tops
It's easy to hide in winter but really hard in summer

In school, you ask for a sharpener
But I refuse owning one, and then you see the one
The one in my pencil case, that one
That one without the blade, that one blade
That one blade, that I use as a key
As a key to let free my spirit
The spirit that is a slave under the dictatory
The dictatory of the society
And I'm standing here wondering
Why, why didn't I finish everything yesterday
Why didn't I cut a little deeper that night
Why am I going through with this for one more miserable day
Why couldn't I just sleep forever, but I don't say any of this out loud
I just think about everything wearing that perfect smiling mask
And as if it's a reflex, I'm saying to you "Sorry this one is broken"
With the brightest smile I can master, I think to myself "Just like my happiness"

I was supposed to be ok
I was supposed to be fine
I was supposed to not be broken
I was supposed to not cut
Fuck, I was even supposed to be happy
But all this is pure bullshit
Because I'm definitely not ok
Because I'm definitely not fine
Because I'm for sure fucking broken
Because I'm for sure cutting secretly in my room
Because for shit I'm not happy

At least that's how I used to be
Until yesterday night, I cut a little bit deeper
And at last, I'm finally gone...