Acting it out: Part 9 - 11

part 9

The feeling Stefano left me when he said those words to me, was indescribable. My body was pinned to the floor and I was just standing there. How could he mean that? We just had a somewhat perfect practice and now all of a sudden he wanted to improvise? I hate improvising! Okay not that much... but with him.. I HATE IT!! I just know. Jerk. The random guy gave me a gentle push in my back, which sort of brought me out of my trance and into the room. I could see the judges sitting there in their chairs behind the table. But I just had to let Stefano somehow know, that he couldn't go and improvise. Not now. Not this time. If only he could just be nice for once and not hate me for some unknown reason, he could just stick with what we had practised. There isn't even a reason to be improvising is there? So why!! Aargh. I could feel the pressure building up as the door was closed and the room was suddenly filled with an uncomfortable silence. As I looked around in the room I could see Maurice sitting behind the table along with the judges. I was still pissed about him, setting me up with Stefano, but when he gave me a smile and a thumbs up, I forgave him without a second thought. He must've been thinking of me when he did so, I rejoiced. My thoughts were interrupted however by a voice of one of the judges: "Are you ready to begin?" No, I needed to talk to Stefano and force him to do as I wanted him! "Yes we're ready, right Alexandra?" Stefano turned to me and I just hated him so much that moment. I felt as if I had lost to him. But I couldn't think of anything else to do but to just surrender and nod. At the least, I was going to act the way I had planned. There was always a chance that he wouldn't improvise to much, or even... that he just said those words to scare me. Who knows.

I sighed, took a deep breath and said, “We need to talk.” I walked up to him and grabbed his arm. "What happened last night, it's just...it...we're..." I looked up to see his expression, thankfully it was the same as when we had practiced. Though this didn't make me feel secure, but it seemed that at least the beginning would be the same. Stefano shrugged my hand of from his arm. I looked at him with a hint of fear in my eyes, did I say something wrong? "So you're saying that we shouldn't have done it? We should forget about it?" He gave me a small sarcastic smile, but I could see the underlying fear. Fear that I thought it was wrong what we had done, that we should keep apart from now on. Had I mistaken his interest for me? Was it more than I had thought? I snapped back to the audition room, om my god, I had been so caught up in the story for the past week, that I almost lost myself there. "Yes," I replied. "We are related..." My voice started to stammer, but I couldn't tell if it were my nerves or the fact that I became too caught up in the story. It confused me for sure. "We're brother and sister.. and.. even though... we didn't know each other before, we can't just.. this can't.. sigh,... we can't." I finished. And then it happened. Stefano's improvising. He walked up to me and I could see his eyes were wet, he grabbed my arms with force and asked me:" So this.. I can't do this anymore?" And then he kissed me, he kissed me as if I was his lost love. It freaked me out so much! .........So, I slapped him. My heart was beating out of my chest as the room was filled with silence. And I just hadn't an idea of what I just had done. So I waited, waited for Stefano to do something. He had planned this right? This was part of his plan right? I panicked and almost felt tears coming out. Had I messed up? Was this the end of my career? Could I fix something? I kept looking at Stefano, not to give up and look at the judges, that would mean the end. "I...I'm sorry, I don't know, I don't know what you want" Cause, well I really had no clue what he had planned to do with that crazy act of his and it somewhat matched up with the scene. Stefano gave me a quick smile. “Yesterday,” he began, “you didn't slap me.., why is that?" He came a little closer to me, “Can you explain that to me? Because as far as I can remember, yesterday we were related as well,” he challenged me.
This was not even close to what was in the script. “But...” I tried as a defense, “What about you? Don't you feel ashamed? Don't you feel that this is wrong?” Hopefully this was good enough.
“No, not really, I don’t have any problems with it, being related and all,” he said arrogantly. As if it was commonly accepted that brothers and sisters have sex when they are drunk. He smiled at me and then said more seriously: “But what if we’re not related...would that make it okay?”
I looked at him skeptically and shrugged off his question, implying that, if that were the case then everything would have been so much easier, but it isn't the case. “Who knows!” I said, eyes flashing. "Who knows? Maybe if I had not slapped you in the face, and had happily welcomed your kiss, maybe we would walk hand in hand and live happily ever after. I don't care. Because we ARE related and that's the way it is!”

I wanted to pack my stuff and leave, but I couldn't really do that in a audition room. So I just kinda looked around and avoided Stefano's gaze. But I got so caught up trying to remember the original script when Stefano suddenly tapped me on my shoulder. That scared me. I quickly turned my head around and looked him in the eyes. “We're not related,” he told me with earnest. I looked at him as if he was demented. Then I suddenly remembered that this was my line. And when we practiced, he had also tried to steal it. Because it annoyed me, I just felt like taking back my line. “So, we're not related?” I said sarcastically. "Well in that case, we should go back to bed again, and finish what you tried to start, shouldn't we?" He pulled my shoulder and tried to force me to believe his words. He looked from one eye to the other, kind of like trying to read my mind, but I didn't want to play the game again. This audition wasn't going the way I wanted and I lost track of where we were supposed to be in the script. I wanted to finish it at just go home. "Even if, it's true... which is bullshit, it's too late. It's over, I don't want it anymore.” Instead of forcibly removing my arm from his hands, I waited. Waited for him to let me go. There was a pause and his eyes showed me the pain he was in. But I wouldn't let it get to me, atleast I tried not to show him. He slowly let go of my arm and we stood there for a moment, till I said goodbye and left him standing there.

I took the deepest sigh I have ever taken in my life so far I think and snapped out of my role. Well, just to get in my other role of auditioner. I turned around and Stefano as well, luckily, was back in his normal mode. I used all my strength to summon up a smile as if this audition went exactly the way I had intended it to go, which was a complete lie. Maurice got up from the table and started clapping. Which just seemed so unreal to me. Was he playing games with me? The rest of the judges still sat there, but were focusing their attention on us and writing some stuff down and whispering some words. Did we..?? I almost couldn't finish my thought, but, could it be that, we did good? Stefano came up to me and shook my hand. I didn't want to hold on to that hand and tried to quickly let go, but instead he held it tighter, came closer and whispered in my ear." Sorry about the kiss, but trust me, the scene needed it. It's going to get us the part.” He then winked at me, which was the last straw for me and at last finally let go of my hand. I was surely gonna have nightmares about that guy tonight. The good thing was, Maurice came up to me. He took my hand as well and congratulated me."Wow, you really changed the scene, but I think that it was actually a better interpretation. Interesting. I guess my instinct about choosing you was really a good one" He gave me a kiss on the cheek, which I didn't see coming and made me spontaneously blush. "Well I'll try to convince the other judges to take you guys. You'll be a perfect match for the movie" He gave me a dazzling smile and I could just say "thanks" and "yeah that would be great."

And that was it. I went home completely exhausted and hungry. I made--um, put--some pizza in the oven and ate it on the couch where after dinner I dozed off. Now all I had to do was wait for the call. The call that hopefully would change my life. The call that would make me an professional actress!

part 10

The last couple of weeks were amazing. I was so hyped up on happy hormones, it kept me going all day. No washing was left undone and my room was cleaner than ever. Ever since I got the call that I got the part, I was dreaming of sunshine and rainbows every night. I was already practising my autograph... Maybe a bit too enthusiastic, but, hey, what the heck. Bob, my goldfish, was also very happy for me, swimming like a true fanfish around his little round bowl. In a few days I was going to meet the rest of the cast and be measured for my costumes. This was all getting so real. The only sad thing was that I didn’t really have someone to celebrate it with. I still didn’t really know anyone here and I felt it was a bit too arrogant to brag about it to the people from my acting school. Also I still hadn’t gotten paid or anything so I was still stuck with my stupid part-time job, dressed as a donut and giving out flyers. Well... there is always a downside to happy things. Unfortunately. But.. all of that was going to change soon. Trrrring!!, I jumped up from the couch, my heart was pumping like crazy. Wow, that scared me! Who could it be? I picked up the phone and I heard a voice I immediately recognised. I slowly sat down again, but then stood up again.
“Hey, this is Alexandra” I was trying to sound all cool and relaxed, but the panic from before was still controlling my heart. “Hey, Maurice here, so I was wondering, maybe we should have some coffee sometime? You know, just to talk about some things, work related.., or not, if you don’t want, that’s cool”
“….Uh...yeah sounds good, of course” What was happening? Did my director just ask me out? Is that even allowed now that I’m an actress in his movie? What are the rules for that? What if everyone thinks I got the part because I totally had sex with him or something? Something Stefano probably already thought anyway. I shook my head. I already got the part and I could just show it to people that I was a good actress and that I was going to give it my all for this movie! Just not... in a sexual, as in, having sex with the director kind of giving it my all....Oh, god why?
“So, then, what about tomorrow around lunch? Say 2 o’clock? I can come pick you up.”
Lunch, sounds innocent enough, I hoped. Just coffee, no big deal, I told myself. “Yeah, sounds great, of course.” Stupid me! I softly slapped myself in the face. That’s totally what I just said before. He must be mesmerised by my amazing ability to use such a limited amount of words.
“Ok, see you tomorrow, have a nice evening.”
“Yeah, you too, bye”.. “Bye”. I heard the click of the phone indicating the end of the conversation. I hung up the phone and sat down on the couch. Maybe... maybe we should keep it a secret? Date in secret and … oh no, that would be even worse, wouldn’t it? But, I AM a good actress, I could pretend nothing was going on and people could totally believe that. Maybe after some time when we are already halfway through shooting the movie and everyone thinks I’m awesome, they wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the sexy director had fallen for me. That sounds, doable. Maybe that’s what Maurice would want as well, that way there won’t be any uncomfortableness during shooting the scene. Ah well, who knows, we might not even like each other after tomorrow. I giggled like a little girl. Ooh, naughty Maurice, what are you doing? Ha ha, I was feeling a little bit like a little girl falling in love for the first time. This was crazy, how could I deserve such happiness?

The next day, I must have been standing in front of my closest for hours trying on this and that. Even thinking I should go buy a new dress in the remaining 45 mins before 2 o’clock. Should I go for casual? As in a nice pair of jeans, with a decent shirt and a nice blazer, to look a little in control? Or more for the sexy, but not slutty, dress with semi-high heels that I could still walk in, covered with a girly vest to indicate cuteness. Or would that be too obvious for a date? Or a short skirt with a funny shirt to look a little like a hipster... Ow I should put those glasses with that! Sigh, this was going to be difficult. I guessed the ‘girl next door’ look was always the best, so I went for that. It was 10 minutes until 2 and I was being as nervous as ever. What could be the best thing for me to be doing before he rang my door? Randomly reading an intellectual book? Not that I really had any. I didn’t think vogue would be very intellectual... What about the news on the television? Hmm, nope. Sigh, drinking coffee? Bad idea, we were going for a coffee. Than what could I be doing? sitting on the couch waiting for him? Can’t let him get that idea! I could be playing with Bob. Then he would see the animal friendly side of me and realise what an interesting person I am for having a pet fish named Bob. Or not. Well, out of pure desperation, the television would be the best option then. So I sat on my couch, zapping away when the doorbell rang. I jumped up and turned off the television by clicking on the off button on my remote, then in some sort of panic reaction I realised that I had wanted to leave the television turned on and turned it back on again. Okay... I walked to the door and let all the possible scenarios cross my mind as I opened the door while being super composed.
“Hey Alexandra,” I felt a small blush coming up as I looked at Maurice with his nonchalant sexy smile. “Hey,” I answered. “Maurice” I added, maybe a little too late. I put on a smile to distract him. “So, let me get my bag and I’ll come right back.” I left the door open a little so he could get a glimpse inside my little apartment. It is always good to show you are comfortable with your own living space, makes you look like an independent and strong woman. I think I’d actually read that in Vogue... hmm. Well, this was a good test to know if it worked! I got my bag that was waiting for me on the dinner table, with all the stuff necessary in it, plus more probably. Okay, I told me myself, this should be okay. I walked back to the door and let Maurice drive me to the coffee place. We didn’t talk too much though and I wasn’t sure what to say, but it was all very exciting!

The coffee place was called the Coffee House and I knew this was reasonably priced, so if for some reason he wouldn’t pay for me, I could actually spend my money on a coffee without crying over it. He had a table reserved for us, which made me feel a little special. Frankly I didn’t even know you could reserve seats at a coffee place, I guess that made me impressed? I ordered my super sweet coffee, with vanilla and chocolate flavour topped with whipped cream. I couldn’t stop myself from it! He had laughed a little at my choice and had given me a conspiring grin. He ordered the white chocolate sprinkled caramel flavoured one with whipped cream on top of the coffee, which made me chuckle. Hmm, this was feeling good. Just as I was about to fantasize how I would accidentally leave some whipped cream on my lips so he could lick it off, my eyes caught a glimpse of something far more horrible than any of my nightmares. It took me a moment to compose myself again so Maurice wouldn’t notice my sudden horrified facial expression. Luckily he was busy with enjoying his whipped cream, which looked quite sensual, so he probably missed it. Outside of the window was that one person that always seemed to ruin all the good moments. It was Stefano with a woman walking by the window of the coffee place. If he would see us here, than that would be a very very bad thing. As in, really bad. “I have to go the bathroom, please excuse me!” I hastily got up and looked for the right way to the bathroom. I suddenly remembered that it had all started because I had gone to the bathroom as well. It was then that I got out and poured my coffee all over Maurice. It had all led to this moment and now I was afraid this would ironically be the end to it as well. Stupid Stefano! I clenched my fists and pictured me punching him in the face. I uttered a “HA!” and when I realised I said it out loud, I looked around to see if anyone was in the bathroom with me. I shook my head, silly me. He just walked by, I mean no way he saw us or anything, that would just be too much. Anyway I couldn’t stay in here forever. I regained my self control and opened the door of the bathroom to go and sit with Maurice again when my greatest nightmare had come true. Stefano was inside, talking to Maurice.... I closed my eyes hoping it had all been an illusion, but when I opened them again he was still there. In fact he just took a chair for him and his female companion and added them to our table. This.... was... not... going as I had hoped. This was surely adding to his unreasonable theory that I was just using Maurice to get my part. Why was he here???

part 11

“Alex, oh you’re back” Said Maurice. Hm, okay, did he not expect me to come back or something? I wish I hadn’t if it meant avoiding Stefano and whoever that woman is. But here I am, I’ll just put on my fake happy face, since I’m an actress and all. He points at the two other guests. “They were a little late but they’re here now. Let me introduce you to Clarissa Monteguy.” What? Late? It took me a second and they must have noticed my short pause. Did he … actually… invite them too? I was so shocked that I didn’t hear her speak to me. “Alexandra?” Oh, shit, what did she just ask me? And maybe more importantly, how does she know my name? “Yes?” I replied with a blank face, not trying to show my puzzling thoughts. “Oh nice to meet you too” I tried to guess what she had told me. I stretched out my hand to give a handshake and she shook it a bit too firmly. Maybe I should have been more firm myself, what if she thinks I’m not a strong and independent woman? But I AM though. Next time we shake hands I’ll show her. But back to reality. What was happening? Clearly this wasn’t just a date between me and Maurice, how could I have been so stupid. I tried to recompose myself and sat down. Unfortunately, Stefano had taken the chair next to me. Somehow he seemed rather amused and was looking through the drinks menu. “So, you told me you really liked Clarissa’s script” Maurice said to me. And then it clicked. Clarissa? Oh, I had seen that name on the front page, how could I have not gotten this. She was the screenwriter for the movie I was going to be starring in. So this is a get-to-know each other kinda deal? This was starting to make more sense, but he could have told me! “Oh.. yes! I, uh, really liked it, I was so happy Maurice asked me to try out for the lead role. I really feel like I can portray her well.” I just stopped there, because I felt I wasn’t thinking about what to say and was just blurting things out. But then, Stefano started speaking “I’m not so sure about this one.” I quickly turned my head and stared at him in disbelief. Did he just actually say that? Is he really such an asshole? But then I saw him pointing at an item on the menu and I think I was gasping a bit too audibly. “I’ll have a mocca delight instead, no whipped cream” He put down the menu and continued. “They really do have a lot of choices for just coffee, did you already make up your mind, Claire?” So, they were close?..Maybe I should call Maurice, maur? Okay, never mind, that’s not a good nickname. Let me think about that some other time though. “I’ll have a ristretto, black, no cream.” Said Clarissa, or should I say Claire?

After some time discussing the script and realising that Clarissa has traveled the whole world and is way more interesting than I am, it was clear that we were gonna leave soon. I was getting kinda excited because I was thinking of what to say to Maurice in the car on the way back. I thought of a funny story from when I was a child and I was pretending to be a little puppy and jump on my daddy’s leg while he was working from home. He pushed me off and locked the door the rest of the day. Haha.. hah.. Okay, maybe it wasn’t such a funny story, but at least we’d have something to talk about.. Or not. But unfortunately my hopes were crushed when I heard Maurice’s phone ring. “Hello? Oh.. yeah, no.. Of course I can be there. I can be there in like 20 minutes. Yeah. Wait for me.” Maurice seemed a little unsettled and got up to put on his coat. “I’m sorry, but I have to go now.” He looked around and when he saw me, he seemed to be reminded he brought me here, I hoped at least. “Oh Stefano, could I bother you to drop Alexandra off at her place?” Before Stefano could answer, Maurice was already halfway through the door. I noticed Stefano putting on a grin as he slowly turned his head to me. I got shudders all over. Should I take a taxi? A ride back would cost me at least thirty dollars, that’s like a week of food for me. Clarissa chimed in and said: “Oh that’s wonderful! That would be great for you to get to know each other a bit better before shooting the scenes. Because.. at this moment I feel like I miss some sort of, hmm, chemistry between you two.” I wanted to say no, but at this point, I just couldn’t. We chatted a bit more for a little while and then Clarissa also said she needed to leave. She paid the bill for all of us and left with the elegance of a woman I could only aspire to be. I set aside my thoughts of being inside the car with Maurice and having a romantic ride home. Instead, I was stuck with Stefano. I glanced at Stefano as he got up to put on a cashmere coat. I composed myself, put on my blank happy face again and got up to put on my jacket. “So, are you coming? My car is over there” Stefano said without too much excitement in his voice. He already started heading for the door, so I hurried and struggled to put my arms through my sleeves. On my way to the door, I wanted to ask Stefano to slow down, but in my mind I was just processing this change of plans and I kept quiet. I caught up to Stefano just outside the coffee house. He stopped for a bit and seemed to maybe want to turn around? But then he started walking again, a bit ahead of me.
Was it really too much to ask to just wait for me so we could walk at the same pace? It annoyed me, but honestly, had there been something he did that didn’t annoy me so far? His car made a sound as he pressed his car key and I could see a grey Mercedes parked, blinking its front lights. He walked up to the driver's seat and got in. Staring at me with a blank face. It caught me a bit off guard cause he usually seemed like he always had some kind of evil plan waiting to be executed, but now he seemed a bit distant. I got in and sat next to him. “Where to?” His fingers were already on the car screen to type in the address for navigation. I told him my address, even though I did think for a second to give him a different address in the neighbourhood so he wouldn’t have my real address. But then again, he wouldn’t actually do something to me right? Plus, I was really bad at remembering what streets were close by so I would probably mess up and we’d be going somewhere on the other side of town and then the taxi costs would be more than just food for a week. He started the car and we started moving. I was just wishing the trip back would feel shorter than the trip coming here. After a while I was getting a bit zoned out and thought of things I could have said to Maurice and in the background I heard a song on the radio and I was happily surprised to hear it. “Oh, I like this song” I pointed to the radio and looked up with a bright smile to… o shit, Stefano. I almost forgot I was in a car with him and let my guard down. He looked at me a bit confused and it seemed he wanted to say something and after a short pause he suddenly changed the radio channel. Really? I thought. Was it so hard to just be nice once in a while. He could have just let the song on even if he didn’t like it. I grudgingly stared at the window for the rest of the ride. When the car came to a stop I just wanted to get out ASAP. I took my bag and hesitated a bit when I wanted to get out of the car, so I turned around to look at him. “So.. um thanks for driving me” I said. I mean, he was an ass, but he did drive me home when he didn’t have to, so... He looked at me and said “Hey, Alex…” He paused and it was making me a bit nervous. What was he gonna say this time? “Let’s do our best for this movie okay?” What? No snarky remark? A bit puzzled, I replied: “Yeah, let’s”. He nodded and drove off. Strange guy. Why did he have to be the romantic interest of the movie? Couldn't he just switch with Maurice?

Well this day turned out way different than I had thought. Couldn’t Maurice have told me they would be coming along as well? Did he just forget to mention it? Did I assume wrong, because I had wanted it to be a date so badly? Well, whatever it was, I survived it. I decided to spend the rest of the day rehearsing the first part of the script that we would be filming next week. Even though Stefano and I didn’t agree on much, I did agree that we should try our best for this movie. For some reason it stuck in my head and I wondered what was going on with him during that car ride. But I also felt that I didn’t feel that interested in trying to figure out what he was thinking, he was still mostly an ass anyway.

The days following I felt like I was really getting a hang of the script and was fully motivated to do some rehearsals with the other cast members on the set. Hopefully I would get to see Maurice again. Maybe I could ask him what was so urgent the other day? Or would that be too personal? While thinking about that I unfortunately saw Stefano walk towards me….