Fears of Flesh

IV.




I lay on my bed, listening to the sirens coming from the outside of our little fortress. As scared as I should be, I couldn’t find it in me to be. I was one hell of a fighter, then again, if I died, it would all finally be over with. Another part of my brain said to me that maybe they were just doing drills after what happened in the red zone. This thought calmed my racing heart. My door slowly opened, and there stood Penelope looking at me.

“I am not kind of a mother, Katherine,” she said quietly. “Like you said, I have lived in this cushy fortress, surrounded by people who could have my back. I can’t keep a baby safe all on my own.”

I looked at my sister-in-law confused.

“When the baby comes, will you- will you take them somewhere safe?” Her voice was so small, so fragile.

It scared me to see her so vulnerable. I tried the hard-ass routine. “Stop acting stupid. That is your baby, you will be fine.” I looked back out of the window, seeing a few flanks of armed men and women rushing toward the front gates.

“If you ever tell anyone this, I will kill you. But I have always trusted you with my life. You are the only person I believe that could keep my child safe out on your own.” Penelope sat down on my bed.

I turned my gaze back to her. My eyes began to tear up. I went to say something when screams from the north region of the complex followed by multiple shots alerted me. I rushed to my closet, quickly removing the nightgown I was currently wearing. I then pulled my jeans over my lacy rose boy shorts and grabbed a dark short sleeve shirt which I pulled over my matching bra. I pulled the Remington 870 that I kept under my bed out, cocking it and waiting.

I blocked Penelope, “Grab the machete under my bed, in the sheath. Put it on me please. Then I have a bag of shells that attaches to my sheath strap, don’t forget that.” Once again my heart began to race.

“Prepared much,” she gave a small laugh.

“You know it,” I gave her a small smile. “Now there is also a long handled hatchet and an AR-15 in my closet. Grab those for yourself. There is also a carrier with a good supply of rounds. It's a bit heavy, I have this horrible feeling we are going to need it also.”

She quickly grabbed everything as I pulled on my ‘ass-kicking’ boots as I called them. I then strapped a bowie knife to one of my ankles, this was merely for close quarters combat, and I was quite efficient at pulling it out with ease. On my other ankle I strapped a Glock 17. This was my 'last resort' gun. Though stable and excellent for taking out one Defunct at a time, I would rather take out as many around me as possible.

I quickly worked to pull my hair up because they could and would grab anything they could to get a heads up on you, but those horrid groans that haunted my nightmares were getting closer and closer. The blasting of guns decreased little by little.

I turned to look at Penelope who was staring out of the window, a look of sheer horror on her face. “How? How did they get in? My father has made this the most secure place in the world!”

“Well, they got in. So now, we get over what we thought we knew, and we fight to the death. Are you ready to show them that humanity will win?”

“You bet your hot-tempered ass I am,” she smiled at me. She was strapped to the nines. “I will be right back.”

She rushed out of the room. When she returned, I looked at her wide-eyed. She had equipped herself with a large crossbow and at least thirty arrows.

“What?” she smiled, concentrating on the door, “you’re not the only one who is always prepared.”

“That’s my girl,” I said quietly. “Let’s kick some ass.”

We both held our breaths as everything seemed to grow quiet.

“Is it over? Did they leave?” She seemed hopeful. It kind of made me sad to have to burst her bubble- well only a little bit of me kind of rejoiced in it.

“You know better. Calm before the storms remember?”

Just as I finished what I was saying, the door began to shake. They were beating on it and groaning the most God-awful groan I had ever heard.

“Do we just stand here,” she was shaking I could tell by her voice. “Should we try to escape?”

I could hear more groans and moans joining those at our door. “Yea, fuck it. Let’s go!”

She made her way to my window crawling out and making her way up to the roof. I watched her back, my Betsy, yes that was my gun's name, ready to blow some of those creatures to kingdom come. The door began to shake with the weight of those ungodly creatures.

“Hey, Penny, I know you are like in a delicate condition and all right now, but if you would hurry your ass, I would be very grateful!”

Just then, the door gave way. I took care of what defunct creatures I could, but thankfully, my sister-in-law was out of the window almost in an instant. And I quickly followed her.

We ran as fast as we could along the roof of the building we lived in, keeping our eyes peeled for any other survivors. It seemed like there were not many. Finally, we found an area without any infected below us. We climbed down and kept moving. As we turned the corner, we ran into a shaking woman who didn’t have any qualms about turning her gun on us.

“Don’t shoot!” Penelope screamed, instinctively grabbing her stomach.

“Are you bit?” The chocolate-haired woman asked, shaking.

‘Lab leech’, I guessed. No one who has ever dealt with these things in a fight has ever thought that standing there and talking about whether or not you had been bit was a good idea.

“Hey Lab tech,” I finally spoke up, “can we uh, I don’t know, get out of the red area. Preferably somewhere I won’t get my neck ripped out!”

She stared at me for a moment with wide earthy eyes. Her thin lips tightened a bit before she sighed. “Let’s go.”

Her heart shaped face creased with worry as we turned to run to the laboratory that I had known she worked in.

“So are you going to answer me or are we playing the guessing game?” She never turned to me as she ran.

We ducked into a small space, holding our breaths as a couple of Defuncts ran past us, consuming a couple that had been running away from them. I personally felt terrible for letting the monsters get a hold of them, but honestly, this is a world of survival. I plan on hanging on as long as I can.

I pushed the other two women past the carnage before us and toward the Eastmen-Westerton building. Eastmen and Westerton were two of the scientists who were killed in the Great Breakout. Eastmen was the first to go while trying to protect his pregnant wife. He at least didn’t die in vain. As the Defuncts chowed down on him, Westerton slipped Genna Eastmen into a laboratory van. They sped off, only to get about twenty feet before the van was pummeled by an oncoming truck.

The Defuncts attacked Westerton as Genna laid beyond their grasp, behind the cracked glass and twisted metal. Genna was about to be zombie food just moments before a stranger grabbed her, pulling her from the crushed vehicle. Since they were the first of many casualties of the hell I currently live in, once the laboratories were set up, they got one named after them. The man who owned and ran said laboratories was the son of David Eastmen, the baby who was lucky some dude saved his mom when she was pregnant. Eastman and Westerton were working hard on cure for a sudden illness that had showed up, just to end up dead.

We rushed inside and flipped the extra secure locks once we found that each room we entered was safe. I knew we had to make our way toward the main room; this way, if others came to us for safety, we could give it to them.

As we approached the door, the slender woman turned towards us, “Before we go any further, you have to tell me now. Have either of you guys been bit or scratched?”

“Of course not!’ I just wanted to get to the main room.

“You have to be thoroughly searched.” The woman gave us a serious look.

“You mean like strip searched?” Penelope choked out.

“Yes. I want to make sure not one bit of you has been bitten by a human or by a bug. Also if you have been scratched you run every chance of becoming infected. So if you think you are getting into that main room before I have checked you, you are seriously mistaken.”

“And what about others who need to be rescued? What if they come to the doors, and you are too busy getting a free peep show to help them?” I was angry that this woman wouldn’t listen to us, then again, I did understand.

She stood staring at me, her arms crossed over her chest, cradling her supple breasts. This wasn’t something I normally noticed on a woman, but come on you are cradling them like a baby, my eyes are going to go there.

“Fine,” she finally gave in. “You can both come in. But I will be searching the both of you!”

“I agree to that,” Penelope said rubbing her stomach lightly.

“Are you sick,” the woman jumped back a bit, she lifted her arm toward Penelope, her hand tightly wrapped on the gun that she had previously pointed at us. I knew she was a labbie, so I knew there was no way that gun was hers. You have to have special license and identification to hold a gun, ones that labbies never get. They are too stupid and jumpy to remotely qualify for the license that one needs to own a gun.

“She is pregnant you idiot. Now stop pointing that fucking gun at my sister,” I screamed.

She trembled for a moment before putting the gun down. “Have you been seen by a doctor?”

“No,” Penelope, who now clung to me, shivered behind me.

“She just recently found out.” I shielded Penelope with my body.

“After I do a body search I will give you a proper pregnancy exam.” She rushed us into the room. “Now undress.”

We both did as we were told, slowly stripping down to nothing whatsoever. This made me very uncomfortable. I didn’t like being naked in front of people.

“What are your names?” She grabbed two clipboards.

“What does that matter,” I asked incredulously.

“I am a doctor of science. I need names for you to fill out these forms.”

“Jesus, God Almighty! You have to be shitting me!” I threw my hands in the air. “Fucking zombie apocalypse and we have to fill out forms!”

“I can always let you out, back out there if you want.” She stared at me stubbornly.

“At least the fucking dead won't make us fill out retarded ass forms!” I stared at her angrily.

She stood there in a tight black shirt and tight black pants with black dress shoes. The only other color on her beyond her porcelain skin was her white lab coat. With her long dark hair pulled back and her thin glasses on, I could kind of see why mean found the whole ‘doctor’ or ‘nurse’ role play as sexy.

“Fine, give me the damn clipboard.”

“Names first,” she gave me a sarcastic smile as I glowered my eyes at her.

“Penelope Aster-Garrowman,” my sister-in-law spoke up quietly.

“Thank you, Penelope. Please come here under the full light so I can examine you.”

I watched the monitor, only momentarily looking at Penelope as she was being examined.

“Thank you,” the doctor told Penelope. “You may get dressed in this gown here,” she handed her a gown. “I will do a full pregnancy exam in just a moment.”

Penelope nodded and pulled the gown on, lying on the bed.

“Now you,” she said to me. She gave me a stern look that told me if I argued anymore that she was going to make my life a living hell. Good luck lady, been there done that.

“Katherine Wilder-Aster,” I said, “happy?”

“Rarely,” the doctor said flatly before examining my entire body.

“At least buy me dinner first doc,” I said as she ran her hands along my entire body, feeling for a bug bite. Teeth marks from a human are easy to detect obviously, as are scratches. But bug bites, those are much more tricky. Labbies are trained in that kind of thing.

“You passed,” she said with a sigh of relief. “Put on a gown. I am going to put your clothes in a sanitation container and throw it out. I have more clothes for you to borrow.”

“Gee thanks doc,” I said sarcastically. “So do we get to know your name or what?”

“Zoe, Zoe Haines.” She said putting on gloves and putting our clothes into sanitation bags. She then stuffed them in a container before pulling her own clothes off.

I found myself blushing as she removed all of her clothes, even her underwear, throwing them in the container with ours. She then pulled on a robe before going to another room. Zoe came back five minutes later wearing a shirt and sweatpants. She handed Penelope and me a matching pair.

“Getting comfy doc,” I asked, slipping on the underwear she had given us along with the sweat clothes.

“I figure this place is as safe as any. We have food, clean water and ammunition lockers. Plus the locks withheld the last time we were ran over.” She shrugged before going over to Penelope to begin examining her.

I pulled the clothes on and pulled my hair up in a messy ponytail.

“Okay,” I heard from behind me. “You are about nine weeks. The baby seems fine, as do you. We will keep a healthy diet for you as well there is a gym in the next corridor which has a walking track. Try to keep you in good condition. It lessens the chance of anything going wrong.”

“Thanks,” Penelope said quietly. “Is there any way that I can go take a shower?”

“Sure,” Zoe replied, “here is the key to the shower room.”

I sat down in the comfortable chair, watching the screen. I felt helpless as I saw men and women alike running for fear of their lives. I felt nauseas as I realized, children weren’t even safe from these ravenous monsters.

“Doesn’t make sense to me,” Zoe said, taking the seat next to me. “How did they get in?”

“Aster is human after all,” I said quietly. “Plus these things aren’t stupid. And the more people die with the knowledge to get in, the worse it will be.”

“I recoded all locks and alarms after everyone else disappeared. I wasn’t taking any chances.”

I didn’t look at the woman, “What were you doing out there anyway?”

“I was searching for my husband and my son.”

‘Don’t you ask,’ my brain told me. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that if she came back to the lab all alone, the news wasn’t good. Instead, we both continued to stare at the screen in silence.








V.




“I don’t know how much longer I can watch this.” Zoe finally spoke up.

We had spent the last week everyday sitting there waiting for more people to show up on screen.

“I was hoping that maybe someone would think to come here for help. However, those things are everywhere now. It’s too dangerous to go out there.” I didn’t like admitting it, but the Defuncts had finally over run us. Just then I spotted a rotting Carmen, stumbling around. Poor thing was as clueless dead as she was alive.

“You go on to bed,” I said quietly, hoping not to wake Penelope who dozed on the couch behind us a few hours ago. “I am going to wait.”

“Katherine,” she said quietly, “you really should get some sleep.”

“What for? To wake up in the morning and do the same thing?”

“How long were you married?” Her voice wasn’t much above a whisper.

“Five years,” I said, looking at her quickly. “I was fourteen.”

“Wow, you were young,” she laughed. “I was seventeen. So it was only like two years.”

“Kittie,” I said, realizing she had called me Katherine.

“What?” She laughed.

“Kittie, that’s what I go by.” I gave her a soft smile. “My mom called me that a lot.”

“I figure it would be a nickname someone who made you purr would give you,” she joked nudging me.

“The one and only time we had sex, believe me, I didn't purr.” I was serious as it came out of my mouth, but then I busted out laughing.

“Well, okay then! Man, one time?” She looked at me.

“I was scared. Of this- sickness.”

“This whatever it is,” she said quietly, “has ruined a lot of what I heard used to be an amazing experience.”

“It’s a parasite,” I said quietly. “I read up on it when I first came to the safe haven. They tried several times to neutralize it.
Nevertheless, every time they thought they had it, a new strand mutated. Before long, there was nothing anyone could do except hope they never got it.” I turned to look at her, “You’re a labbie. How did you not know that?”

“It’s really one of those things that scientists don’t like to admit is going on. So they don’t really talk about it. Come on, it’s been almost a week now. We can leave the screens for now. Let’s go get some coffee. Maybe grab something good to eat. Ever had a deep dish pizza?”

“Yeah right,” I laughed. “We weren’t allowed food like that going out in the field. It weighs you down.”

“Well looks like there is a first time for everything.” She gave me a playful nudge.

I gave in with a smile before walking over to Penelope and covering her with a blanket. Zoe placed her finger on her lips shushing me as we walked out of the room. Once we walked down all the corridors and made it to the kitchen, she began to bustle around grabbing stuff to make coffee. I sat on the counter watching her move, her almost waist-length hair around her like a cape.

She was somewhat mesmerizing to me in a way that I never experienced before. After making some coffee, she began to whip together a veggie, steak and cheese pizza with alfredo sauce. Zoe then went to the refrigerator grabbing a cheesecake with a hard, thin chocolate covering.

“Have you ever had any kind of alcoholic beverage?”

“Once, when I married Jackson we had wine, but we weren’t allowed to drink it ever again.”

“Well, you are able to now. I have a nice chilled strawberry champagne you will love believe you me. It is so good.” I had to admit, even though Zoe and I started out on the wrong foot, she was a nice change from most everyone I knew back at Aster Manor.

Once we finished eating, I had eaten so much and followed it with so much drink that my head swam while my stomach felt like it was being tossed around by the ocean.

“I don’t feel so good,” I said.

“You my dear lady are drunk.” Zoe, who sounded just as out there as I did at this very moment, turned her head to look at me as we lay on the floor.

“You ever wonder what life before the Breakout was like? I mean back when you could marry who you wanted, when you wanted. When you could just have sex with whoever and it didn’t really matter all that much?” I had thought of this several times growing up.

I was especially curious when I was a teenager when I had come in the room to finding John Silverton and Jack Debreu in quite a scandalous position, no pun intended. I remember asking one of my tutors at the manor about it. But she brushed my question off after the shock on her face eased. She obviously didn’t want to talk about it. Of course I had always been taught that homosexuality was against the law.

“It was okay in the 21st century,” I remember my husband explaining to me. “Because back then there were too many people, and with the rise of technology, no need for the people the world did hold. But once this Defunct mess started, we needed all the people we could get.”

I felt a pang of pain in my heart knowing that somewhere out there, he must be one of those things by now. I didn’t love him, but I didn’t wish that kind of thing on my worst enemy.

“Hey, are you listening?” She touched my shoulder lightly.

“Sorry,” I shook my head lightly, “I was just lost in thought.” I gave her a weak smile.

She searched my face for a few minutes. I felt confused at this moment, staring her in the swirls of jade and amber that were her eyes. She then leaned in, placing her strawberry lips on mine, kissing me in a way Jackson never had.

My initial thought was to push her away. Instead, I parted my lips slightly, inviting her for a deeper kiss. A small moan escaped my throat as she placed her hands on my sides. All of the sudden, my head began to drown. I was unable to think clearly.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, pulling away.

I didn’t know what to say, but she didn’t give me the chance to say anything. She got up and left the room. I composed myself before leaving the room and going to check on Penelope, who was sound asleep. I then made my way to the chair in front of the monitors. I didn’t care how long it had been, I was going to watch for more survivors.








VI.




Time began to pass slower and slower for the next few months. I saw less and less survivors, but then again, I saw less and less Defuncts. If they hadn’t completely rotted and finished the decaying process by now, they were moving on to different towns.

Zoe and I talked only minimally, and Penelope was getting weaker every month. She was at perfect weight, but something looked wrong. Her color was off, her skin almost translucent.

“I don’t know if you all of the sudden have a problem with me,” I said to Zoe finally one day. “I just want to know what is going on with my sister.”

“I don’t have a problem with you,” she said genuinely shocked at that statement. “What are you talking about?”

“Well ever since that night you kissed me, you haven’t said more than two words to me! I don’t know why, and I could care less at this point. What is wrong with Penny?”

“Penelope is fine. She is just getting a little weak with pregnancy; that happens sometimes.”

“Thank you.” I turned to walk away.

“I want to talk about whatever problem you think we have. If we are going to live together, we have to work things out.”

“We aren’t going to be,” I said bluntly.

“What do you mean?” She removed her glasses folding her arms over her chest.

“I’m not staying here. Penelope is in good enough hands. I am going to be going out on my own. I do better on my own. That is where I am comfortable.”

“Penelope wants you to stick around. What about the baby?”

“I am getting cabin fever here! I feel like I am just waiting for those fucking things to bust through the door at any minute. This isn’t living, Doc, this is waiting. And I don’t want to keep waiting.”

Zoe crossed the room, “But if you leave- something could happen.”

“You guys are fine. You don’t need me.”

“I mean to you.” She stared me in the eyes, making me feel weird.

“I’m not this gooey- feel good person you want me to be, Doc.”

“You can’t leave, Kittie,” I heard Penelope’s voice from behind me.

“You and the baby will be fine with Zoe.” I didn’t dare turn to look at my sister-in-law.

“You said you would take care of the baby if something happened to me. You can’t turn your back on us. Do you think your parents would be proud of you, abandoning the only family you have left?”

“Don’t bring them into this,” I spun around angrily.

“Then don’t leave us!” Tears welled up in Penny’s eyes. “I’m dying!”

My anger softened, “You’re what?”

“Zoe wanted to tell you, but I said no. You seemed so stressed out already. I have been carrying the parasite my whole life. I knew the risks of me getting pregnant and what it would do to my body, but Tobias and I wanted kids so bad. My birth mother was bit when she was pregnant with me. The parasite did get into my system. But with the medications that my parents could afford, I have been able to fight it.” She waited for me to react, but I could not react because I didn’t know how.

“I have been giving her the same medications to save the baby. When he or she is born, we will be able to find out if in fact they carry the parasite too,” Zoe said, wrapping her arms around herself.

I fought tears as I turned my back to the two women. “And if the baby does?”

“We can’t- I don’t want to let it live. It is a cruel joke of a life,” Penelope said. “But I need you by my side. You are the closest to a friend and sister as I have ever really had.”

“As soon as the baby is born, and once we find out if they have the parasite, I am gone,” I said finally before walking out of the room and heading to the shower room.

I sat against the wall, naked, letting the hot water roll over my body and mix with my tears. Why was I crying? I had always hated Penelope in our own way, and I barely knew Zoe.

“Katherine,” Zoe’s voice came from the doorway.

“Please, leave me alone.”

“I know you are upset, and I know you are probably angry at me. Penelope made me promise to keep my mouth shut. I am a doctor. I couldn’t break doctor-patient confidentiality.”

“Leave me alone,” I said again, this time a little more angry.

“How can you possibly be mad at me,” she came close enough for my shower to get the bottom of her pants wet.

“Fuck you and your dumb-ass ‘doctor-patient confidentiality’ bullshit!” I stood up, my hands balled up in fists. “Not only have you lied to me about my pregnant sister-in-law dying, but you also put us in danger!”

I turned around, shutting the water off. “What if she died during or even before childbirth? She would have come back and killed us both! What if she died and came back? I would have to take her life! And for once, I can’t say with confidence that I could kill her!”

Her face softened. “You’re worried about Penelope. You care about her more than you are willing to say. That is what you are angry about?”

I looked away from her. She grabbed my chin lightly, “It is okay to admit how much you care about her, Kittie.”

I broke down, laying my head on her shoulder, sobbing. She held on to me, her small feminine hand running down the back of my head. After a few minutes, I pulled back.

“I’m sorry,” I sighed heavily, wiping the tears from my face.

“Don’t ever apologize for being upset. That is what separates from those monsters out there.” She rubbed my cheek lightly.

Chills covered my body as I realized here we were, standing less than a foot away from each other, and I was naked. She put her hand on the back of my neck, pulling me in for a soft kiss.

She then pulled away, “I know you are strong, but you are also human, you're deep and emotional. And I love that about you.” She then handed me a towel and left the bathroom.

I dried off, deep in thought, my lips still sensitive from her kiss. After cleaning up my mess, I slipped into my nightgown before leaving the shower room. Penelope sat at the table, slowly stroking her swollen belly.

“I’m sorry,” I said, sitting down across from her. “I was upset about the parasite, but I reacted badly. Forgive me?”

Penelope gave me a weak smile, “Always.”

I stood up, kissing her cheek. “Good night.”

“Night,” she said quietly, looking back at her stomach, humming to herself.

I stood in the hallway for just a moment, watching her. A sad pang welled deep within my stomach.

The hallway to Zoe’s room was dark, but I knew where I was going. I slipped into her room, quietly locking the door behind me. As I turned around, she stood at the foot of her bed wearing on a t-shirt and a pair of boy-shorts style panties. I slowly walked closer to her, a smile spreading across my face.

She smiled back at me before putting her hand on my waist and pulling me to her. The kiss she gave me this time was nothing short of passionate. Her hands were all over my body as she pushed me onto the bed. I giggled, feeling almost silly about being man handled by another woman. Yet my heart raced at the same time. It was like I had been dead for all of these years, and something finally sparked a life in me that I had never experienced before. And I never wanted to turn away from it.