Fears of Flesh Ch. 1 to 3

I

Was I sad to see her go, knowing she meant to leave our temporary safe haven to get away from me? Did it really hurt to watch Carmen Littleton storm away from me in the corridor of the dark, malodorous building in which we were hiding? No, I finally decided. Sometimes Carmen forgot that we weren’t enemies- though, we most certainly were not friends. So, it was kind of like back in the 21st century when you removed an old classmate from your profile on some social network- no one really cared. The idea of using the internet for ‘friends’ is a far-fetched idea for my time anyway. The only thing we used that kind of thing for was contact while on scavenges or for keeping up with the latest technology to keep out Defuncts or looters. See in our world today, there are two things you could bet your ass on, the dead didn’t stay dead and you had to fight every single day to stay on this side of ‘living’, you know, complete with pulse and all.

“Katherine, what the hell was that about?” Penelope Aster-Garrowman hissed at me. She, unlike myself, was Carmen’s friend. “Are you trying to get the thousands of Defuncts all around us on our asses or what?”

Most people would have bit their tongue and put up with ‘Princess’ Penelope’s bossiness, but not me. I didn’t give two craps that her father was probably the most powerful person alive today, being as he was the one who created not only the biggest safe haven left in the country, and quite possibly the world, but he also created most of the safety measures used in the modern world in most every safe haven in existence. That is of course if they could pay the prices he wants. God that guy, he really burns my ass you know. It’s like, dude, in a world being overrun and slaughtered by their fellow man, you think he would just help anyone. But no, not this guy. The only thing worse than a segregated world of who deserves to live and die is the douchebag calling the shots.

“And why does that always fall on my head,” I shot back at her. “You don’t think that your precious Carmen could possibly start the argument. Your born-with-a-golden-spoon-in-the-ass bullshit is getting old Aster. And you know it!”
Everything in my body screamed for me to punch this privileged brat in the face, but we really didn’t need that kind of commotion right now.

“You’re a hot head Katherine Wilder-Aster, and I don’t like you. But I don’t have to like you. I just have to keep your worthless ass alive and my defunct quota filled. You got that?” She spat every word at me.
I gritted my teeth, “Yeah be a good little girl puppet. Do everything your daddy tells you to do. And my name is Kittie Wilder, don’t ever soil my name with your last name bitch.”

She pulled her knife, ready to lunge at me. Thankfully, I had spent most of the breakout period as a child, on my own. I was quicker to the draw, and much more confident in the damage I could do. I simply pulled my machete from the sheath I had handcrafted from my dad’s favorite tool belt and held it to her throat, ready for the anything she thought she was going to do.

“Now, Penny-pie, I would like to think you would know better than to pull a knife on me. You have been sheltered by your mommy and daddy for your whole pathetic existence. I mean Christ, you learned how to kill zombies by shooting at chained up targets. That’s a lot of experience you don’t have and a lot of the load you don’t have to carry. Not me, marshmallow, I have always been alone, have kept myself alive. No one to hold me at night when the nightmares came, or to keep me warm when the snow began to fall. So please, be a good little girl and put your knife back.”

Her chocolate eyes were wide in fear, her strawberry lips trembled. She hesitantly put her knife away, my blade not leaving her throat and her eyes not leaving me. “You’re right,” she finally croaked. “We cannot do this right now. We have to just wait for Toby to get back and then we can go home.”

I sighed and put my machete back. “We have been waiting for three hours now, no contact. You really do hold on to some deep dreams there puppet.”

“He is coming back for us,” there was a deep desperation in her voice, seemingly making her a child again.

“I hope for your sake, that you are right,” I said going to sit on the stairs to the rotting apartment building. “For argument’s sake though,” I said leaning back on my elbows, my waist length fiery curls cascading around my shoulders, “what if he is dead. That pack was on him like rats on garbage.”


“Can you please,” she said, closing her eyes, rubbing her temples, “shut up for now.”

It wasn’t a question, I knew that. But damn, I loved to burst her bubble every chance I got. “No, I can’t. We have to have some kind of plan. So let’s make it now.”

I noticed an evacuation plan on the wall. I got up slowly, studying it over. Just then the door opened and Carmen entered the building, pale and wheezing.

“Guys, Toby showed up!” She didn’t seem as happy as I thought she would.

“See, I told you he would show up!” Penelope shot at me as she went to run out the door.

Carmen grabbed her arm, shaking her head, her short sandy hair falling in her eyes, “You don’t want to go out there.” Her eyes were filled with tears, and she was obviously holding back her sobs. “Something- he’s, he’s not,” she sputtered. “He was so close to me. He’s not okay.”

Silence hung thick in the air, but then was broken by the door creaking. “Carmen, did you happen to lock the door behind you?”

Her eyes widened and she looked at me. “Oh no.”

“Ah, effin-A! Carmen, you idiot!” I yelled at her as we made our way down the hall.

We made our way down the west hall, Carmen apologizing profusely, and Penelope telling her to shut up. My flashlight was all we had to go by in this run-down apartment building somewhere near Ashburnham, Ontario.

I ran up the stairs to the second floor. Most of the apartments were infested with the bodies of those who couldn’t take the Breakout and had taken their own lives. It was the most horrid smell. At this point my stomach was lurching and my lungs were burning, but there was no way in hell we could go back down the stairs.

We finally found an apartment which seemed to have still been vacant. So into apartment 211 we went. We stood in the middle of the large one bedroom apartment and tried to plan escape route.

“Well, this is a dandy situation we are in, eh Princess?” I shot a look at Penelope.

“Fuck off, Katherine,” she shot back at me.

You see the problem with Freshies, yes that is the fresh dead, they remember things that they knew when alive. This is considerably dangerous for two reasons. Number one, they can emulate the living. Walking around just as they had before they died. This made it easy to play ‘spider and fly’. They walk right up to you and you’re all excited. Then ‘CHOMP’ they eat your ass. And number two, the situation we are in right now, if you have this really detailed plan for retrieval operations and one of you dies, they know your plans. It can really bite you in the ass since they no longer have their humanity. I mean the longer they decay and that, the slower they are, but still.

“I’m so sorry,” Carmen started to cry.

“Carmen, we have to remain quiet. So shut up! When we are out of this, we will deal with your incompetence. But right now, we have to think.” I was even angrier now than I was before, when she thought she could bark orders at me.

We all stood silent, holding even our heavy breathing. I looked at my two companions as the moaning and beating on doors came down the hall. My heart broken a little for Penelope, though I would never admit that out loud. Her husband was the bandleader of our new dead-undead welcoming party. And she truly loved her husband. It wasn’t a common occurrence in our time, the love those two had. In our time, two people were arranged to marry by their parents because people were dying and reanimating at an alarming rate. We were to marry and breed, that was pretty much it. But Toby and Penelope, that was a deep true love.

I wished I had gone into the field of science rather than that of a day laborer. We didn’t go out at night, it’s too risky. Those things are even harder to see, so ambushes are much more likely. Scientists were safe in highly secure buildings, never seeing the death, the pain. God, I could only wish to have ever take that job. They spent the first few years of the Breakout cutting up and probing Patient Zero, the first guy who had gotten sick with this parasite. Of course they never solved anything or anything near it. But they tried you know. They actually tried. How the hell were they supposed to know that nothing would ever come out of it but more and more death?

There wasn't a whole lot I could think of doing right now. I mean we were in the middle of royally screwed right now. The only option that seemed to exist anymore was putting a bullet in my own brain. Then again, I really fought hard to stay alive all this time. Dying now seemed- well pointless really. I could put up one damn good fight. Though, I was really tired. And fight was the last thing I could think I had the strength to do.

Okay, so I don’t know what you know about the human decomposition process, but it’s really an interesting thing! First thing is, you die. It’s tragic and all that jazz, but it happens to everyone so I don’t let myself dwell on it too much. The first stages of decomposition happen immediately! And before you ask, well if this is true to the real death, won’t rigor mortis set in? Generally, rigor would set about three to five hours after a body has been dead, give or take some time depending on the environment and such.

No, rigor wouldn’t set in, because the bodies are not lying on the ground three or four hours. They are moving around. Now, they could somehow get a type of rigor, which could account for them slowing down. But to get rid of rigor, morticians for ages would move the bodies, breaking the rigor and relaxing the body. And to repeat myself, they are up and moving immediately. So, in short, no they don’t really allow rigor to set in.

Anyway, during this time of “fresh decay” or initial decay as some call it. The corpse of the late great whoever it is looks exactly as it had when they were still alive. But within this little meat-bag, bacteria, protozoans and nematodes have begun the decomposition process. This is honestly the most dangerous part of dealing with Defuncts.

Unlike the countless zombie movies made in the 20th to 21st century, these things don’t change how they look immediately. The only way you know they have changed is if they have visible wounds. Otherwise, you could just think they are another human and be caught in their web, like a fly and spider kind of situation. And believe me, they are intelligent enough to trap you this way.

“Hey Katherine, why don’t you get your head out of your ass and help us out here,” Penelope’s voice interrupted my chain of thought.

Okay kiddies, I guess the next stages of decomposition have to wait. I know, “Boo, bummer, tell us more!” But you will have to just hold on for a few moments or so.

“What do you want me to do?” I shot back at her. “I think Carmen has screwing us all under control!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Carmen really did look like she felt bad for what she did. But after all the hell those two like to put me through, no way I am letting her off the hook so easily.

“Did you see any fresh Defuncts within the group that Tobias had with him?” Penelope seemed to be formulating a plan very quickly.

“I saw a few, most of them were in Fermentation stage though.” Carmen tried to calm her voice as she recollected what she had seen. “Summer is here, so it’s coming quicker for now.”

“Which in a way is good for us,” I said quickly. “Then again, with summer comes bugs, and we don’t have our protective gear for bugs.”

We hadn’t really thought about removing all of our gear from the van when Tobias drove what horde had originally been on us way from us. He was a really good guy, and I was really going to miss him.

“The smell up here is strong enough to throw a fermented defunct off our trail, but no fresh ones. And the fermented ones are still smart enough to know the follow the fresh ones.” Penelope carried on. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

A floor plan on the table caught my eye. I know back in the day it was customary to let your tenants know how to escape in case of emergency. Nowadays it’s mandatory that you have drills, but back then, you just gave out diagrams.

“You guys go,” I finally spoke up. “Escape out the fire exit located in the south wing. I can hold off what Defuncts actually make it up here. And from there, I can find the exit through the elevators. I mean, looking at this place, nothing has worked here for about twenty years give or take. But for this piece of paper to still be intact and readable, someone has been here recently.”

They knew I was right. A simple white piece of paper like this would not have lasted all these years. Someone had to actively get some sort of plan in this place and redo this map to where it could be read.


“This is suicide,” Penelope finally spoke up. “I can’t let you do this alone.”

“I thought you didn’t like me,” I said folding my arms over my chest.

“I can’t stand you,” she retorted, “but, you are after all, my sister-in-law. I have to bring you back to my brother.”

The mere mention of Jackson made my body stiffen. I was only a teenager when he and I married. And he carried a special protectiveness over me. But,over the years, I haven’t developed love for my husband like I have heard of women doing. It has merely become we have a mutual respect for one another. Though the law frowns upon it, most men and women in marriages these days pretty much tolerate one another, but find love in the bed of someone else.

As long as you are creating more humans to keep us alive, you are fine. I am pretty sure that five years after our marriage, and we haven’t consummated the relationship, he is definitely making a life with someone else. Which I mean didn't bother me in the traditional sense, yet it did all at the same time. It was something I kinda argued about with myself for a while now, but managed to avoid thinking about until he was brought up.

Suddenly, the moans and groans of at least twenty Defuncts echoed down the hall. I got the shivers, because frankly, I hate that sound. I have never gotten used to it. And I likely, if I live, never will. I drew the machete from my side before pulling the mask over my face. Oh, yes, see there are several ways that the parasite is contracted. First of all, there is the exchanging of liquids. Much like old movies, a bite can cause it. But it’s not exactly the actual bite; it’s the saliva or whatever other fluids are in their mouth at the time.

Even if a mosquito, lands on a defunct and feeds off of it, then it lands on a regular person and feeds, well boom, you just contracted the parasite. But here is the real kicker; it takes months to years for you to turn this way! The infection is so small that it takes a long time for you to even show symptoms. Also though, you become a carrier. And the first person you exchange bodily fluids with, they become infected.

Thankfully though, there is an inoculation that has in more recent years appeared, that if you have been bit by any type of bug, you can get. It only makes the parasite dormant unfortunately. This makes for natural cause zombies. Yes, these kinds make the initial decay stage dangerous. Hell, in our world everything was dangerous. But we stuck together best we could to survive. Like us three women now.

We all stood side by side, waiting for our fate to enter the door. And soon, the sounds of their fists pounding on the door to get at us did begin. But before we knew what was going on, gun shots could be heard coming up the hall. To be honest, I mostly relieved, but admittedly a tad bit disappointed that I wouldn’t be fighting today. Who am I kidding? I was 100% relieved!

“Penelope! Carmen!” I heard Jackson’s voice come up the hall. “Is Katherine with you?”

“Yes,” Carmen called out, tears still sliding down her cheeks.

“Are you girls alright?” That voice made me nervous. Milton Aster only went in the field if things were absolutely dire.
We all rushed to the door, fighting to open it. Penelope rushed to her father’s arms, sobbing. This wasn’t a side of Penelope that I saw often, and honestly, it kind of made me uncomfortable. Carmen rushed to her brother’s side. Robert Littleton held his sister tightly, whispering relief in her ear.

They were orphaned when Carmen was six. At the time, Jack was nineteen, and he took on the role of a father for her. It welled up my own orphaned past, and I fought to push it back down.

Jackson made his way to me, rubbing my face lightly, pushing a stray chin length onyx curl from my violet eyes. “I was so worried we had- I had lost you once Tobias contacted us. He was dying, but he wanted to keep you girls safe.”

I said nothing as I shivered, holding on to my husband. Sure, I didn’t love him, but I liked him enough and it was nice for someone to hold on to me.

II.

I stepped out of the hot shower and towel dried off before slipping into my thick, warm rosy bathrobe. My hair cascaded in dripping curls landing somewhere above the middle of my back; my eyebrow length bangs were mixed in with the rest of my hair. I sat at my vanity mirror in my overly done bedroom. Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks.

I had lost my own parents when I was only about eight years old. And as terrifying as that was, I was a smart kid. I had been trained to take care of myself. For six years I ran all by myself, and honestly, after the first two, it wasn’t even that lonely anymore. Along the way I had picked up the hobby of collecting old books. I learned tons of things about forensics and sciences that they didn’t teach any longer.

I stumbled upon Lerrey, the city I currently live in, when I was thirteen. By that age in this place, people were married. They were settled in jobs and had families. Of course, everywhere I had come from was red zone. So I spent quite a time in quarantine, but Milton Aster, who had watched me closely, decided that I would be an asset to his community. He let me in.

From there I saw that this place was almost exactly like the things I knew about the old world. There was wireless internet and computers. People went to school and work. The only thing we had that many other places didn’t, besides people, is a giant guard fence. It kept those things out, and the people in.

Of course there were retrieval operations, like going to find any people who may be alive like I was. Or finding things we could use to expand our community. Milton’s own son, Jackson, had never married. So he figured it was about time that he did. And who did Milton know that would be an asset to his family? Moi!

Things were the normal way of the fathers reaching an agreement and such, because I no longer had a father.
“Katherine,” Jackson’s voice broke into my thoughts.

I looked up, still facing my mirror. My husband wore his regular pajama pants and a muscle shirt, revealing his toned body.
“Are you alright?”

I knew he was worried about what happened today. My husband was a worrier. I nodded, before looking away from the mirror.
“We missed you at dinner.”

“I remember the night my parents died,” was all I could say.

He said nothing as he grabbed a chair from the desk where I sat and did my reports after each operation I went on. Jackson turned my chair to look at him.

“My mother was making dinner. And my father was sitting in his chair, reading the newspaper. The bath I was in was warm and full of bubbles. I then remember hearing a crash, my mom was screaming. But it all happened so quickly. I remember looking out of the bathroom, and seeing the- the things eating my father. They weren’t fresh; I knew I could outrun just the few in our house. But then I thought, if they are here, there has to be more.”

I took a breath as the tears found their way down my cheeks.

“I looked out of the window, and I was right. The gates and fences that my town had been given, had failed. And those things where everywhere. Before long, my parents got up. And they knew where I was. They came toward me. I remember running to my room, barricading the door, and then climbing through the ducts, to the roof. I got into the caged go-kart my dad had done for me, and I raced out of there. So many of them were trying to get at me.” My voice cracked and I couldn’t continue.

“You’re safe now, Kittie. And you are so strong.” He pulled me to him, hugging me so tightly, and I felt safe.
I looked up into his eyes, searching them. His chocolate eyes were eased, and almost as if he truly loved me. Something within my chest fluttered. He raised his large calloused hand to gently caress the side of my face.

My eyes slowly closed, tears slipping down my cheeks. Jackson slowly leaned in, kissing my tear stained cheeks, making his way down to my lips. At first his kiss was small and tender, but soon became rough and fervent. He then slowly made his way down my body, opening the robe to reveal nothing but my soft porcelain skin. Goosebumps covered my body as he gingerly touched my curvy body.

“Jackson,” my voice shook as he pulled me closer to his body.

“Kittie,” he practically purred, “my beautiful brave Kittie.” He lifted me up, taking me in his arms bridal style and took me to my bed. After laying me down, he pulled me up, taking my robe off of my body. After slowly pulling off his own clothes, he got over me and covered us with the comforter from my bed.

“We don't have to do this,” he said quietly.

“I- I want to do this,” I stammered, my heart racing. “Please, don't stop.”

III.

The next morning we had a memorial service for my sister-in-law’s husband. She did not weep as she stood between her parents shaking people’s hand. I could see the tears in her eyes, but I knew she would never let them fall in front of everyone.

We all stood in military formation, staring straight ahead of us. Most of us wanted to cry, but dare not let the tears fall in front of other people. Tobias had not only been my brother-in-law by marriage, but also a friend of mine. To think that we had to go on without him, it was too painful to think of.

I snuck a look at my husband, who stood by his sister, the memories of the night before filling my body with a fire unlike any I have known before. I then faced back forward, trying not to think of last night on such a solemn day.

After the service was over, Milton gave everyone the day to rest. Of course, guards were still on high alert. I sat in my room, staring out of the window.

“Are you okay?” I heard my mother-in-law’s voice from beyond my door.

I couldn’t hear my sister-in-law’s response, but knowing how much she loved Tobias, I knew what she said. Something inside of me stirred, something that made me think of the mortality of my own husband.

Quiet footsteps crossed the hall to my room, a light knock came on the door. I quickly made my way to the door, opening it to Jackson.

“Can I come in?” He looked at me with hopeful eyes.

“Yeah,” I said quietly, moving out of the way.

“Penny found out this morning, she is pregnant.”

“Well, that is good news right? I mean she and Toby wanted a baby didn’t they?” I sat down at my vanity, looking at the picture of the four of us at mine and Jackson’s wedding.

“Yeah, of course. Just you know, since Toby became- since he is gone, she doesn’t know how to handle it.”

“She is going to be a good mom.” There were a lot of things Penelope and I don’t agree on, but I do know that she would be an amazing mom who would protect her children no matter what.

“Kittie, I was thinking, we would be really good parents. I know you are scared about it, but there are babies born every day.”
I could not look him in the face. “Jackson.” I let out a sigh. Sure, I had given him my body the night before, but I wasn't sure I wanted to bring a child into this world.

“Do you really feel like it's the worst thing in the world that could happen,” he asked with a small laugh.

“Yes,” I replied, looking at him, catching a small gleam of disappointment in his eyes.

“Sir,” a voice came from my bedroom door.

We both looked toward the door, where one of the guards from the south gate stood.

“I have to go,” he said quietly. “Is there any way we can talk about this reasonably later?”

I said nothing as I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself. There was a feeling of dread welling up deep within me. And I knew that everything was about to change. And the damnedest thing about it, we never got to talk about it reasonably, or at all.