The mage explains things to his friend. Winner of SCREAMS!!! March 06 2021. |
Uriah and the Tagman âIâm not a wizard, Iâm a mage.â Uriah was obviously quite insulted at the description of himself pronounced by his old friend, Tagman the Unforgiven. âWizard, mage, whatâs the difference?â asked Tagman, still peering at his cards as if willing them to change into aces. Uriah frowned. âItâs subtle, Iâll give you that,â he answered slowly. âBasically, the wizard is sort of a male witch. Heâs interested in chemistry and mixing things into concoctions that produce the desired effects. But the mage is wiser than that. Heâs no mere chemist, fooling about with substances. No, the mage knows the deep magic, the power that lurks in words. He gets what he wants from uttering words that change the laws of the universe.â The Tagman had decided upon which of his cards to play and produced the two of clubs, slapping it on the pile with feigned bravado. His friend took one glance at the card, let out a whoop and threw down the two of diamonds. âSnap!â he yelled. âAh, not again, said Tagman with disgust. âI thought you agreed you wouldnât use magic.â The mage chuckled as he pushed the discarded cards into a heap. âAnd I didnât. Itâs the cards I was dealt, thatâs all. Guess who was dealer this time anyway. You canât blame me for the cards you hand out.â âWell, thatâs me done,â announced the Tagman. âStupid game anyway.â Uriah patted the cards into a neat pack and secreted them in an inside pocket of his coat. âSo what shall we do now, then?â âYou could explain a bit more about being a⌠mage,â said Tagman, putting a wry stress on the last word as though unused to the taste of it on his tongue. âThatâs what Iâve been doing ever since we met,â answered Uriah. âEvery day Iâve told you of my business ventures and the fun Iâve had with stupid mortals, twisting their weaknesses to destroy themselves. Itâs all done with spells, you know.â The Tagman snorted. âHah, so you say. But youâve never actually told me the words, the actual spell or incandation you used. Iâm just supposed to believe whatever you say and Iâm not sure that I do.â âIncan-tation,â corrected Uriah. âOf course I donât tell you the words, Tagman. Youâre not trained in their use and who knows what trouble you might get into, fooling about with such power? Youâd be off blowing yourself up the moment my back was turned. And, anyway, Iâm not supposed to pass on the knowledge to anyone not approved of by the magesâ guild. Thatâs more than my certificateâs worth.â Tagman was not impressed. âSo Iâm still supposed to take your word for this, like it or not. Youâre probably making a right fool of me with your tales of unlikely deeds and magic. Well, you wouldnât be the first to take advantage of this old bastard, thatâs for sure.â His friend looked at him with a resigned expression and shrugged. For a while there was silence between them as they considered their respective positions, the one a ragged down-and-out with big claims to supernatural powers and the other a follower who had been led down so many garden paths by the unscrupulous that he was quite resigned to his fate. To an unbiased observer they would seem to be just a pair of homeless drifters, passing their time in the dirty alley that held them in its grasp, surrounded by the sheets of cardboard and boxes that formed the building blocks of their nightly shelters. Eventually, the Tagman looked up at Uriah again. âSo what have you been up to today?â he asked. âBeen up and about, performing your wonders, have you?â âAs a matter of fact, I have,â said Uriah. âDid old Rabbit Hanson down at the bridge a favour. Bought him a meal at Zippieâs Diner, I did.â âWhereâd you get money for that? You never bought me anything.â Tagman seemed quite hurt at his friendâs apparently random selection of someone else to benefit from his unlikely wealth. âDonât need money when youâve got magic, do you? Just a few words muttered under my breath at the till and Zippie thinks Iâve paid him and even given him a tip.â Uriah laughed as he recalled the proprietorâs surprise at the amount handed to him. âWell I donât see why you couldnât help me out like that occasionally,â grumbled the Tagman. The mage waved a finger in his face. âDonât be so hasty, Tagman. Everything has a price and I havenât told you the whole story yet.â Tagman settled to listen, though he muttered something about not caring about price as he did so. Uriah continued. âWell, as I said, Rabbit ate every last morsel and then licked his plate. Happy as Larry he was, never seen such a grin on his face before and you know how his buck teeth make it impossible for him to close his mouth. But thereâs no such thing as a free lunch, they say, and theyâre right. And Rabbit paid for it later, under the bridge.â A new light of interest appeared in the Tagmanâs eye as they approached the point of Uriahâs tale. He knew from experience that the mage did not dispense his favours without expecting something in return. Uriah was into his flow now and was clearly enjoying the Tagmanâs increasing expectation. âHis stomach started making noises at first. You should have seen his face as they increased and he heard the churning his guts were putting him through. Then his belly started to expand. It parted his pants from the sweater above, it was swelling so much. And the pain became quite clear. He began to squeal as his body became immersed in agony. He dropped his pants and tried to release pressure by crapping but produced nothing, not even a fart. âHe was yelling that ne needed to pee but I knew it was time to get some distance from him. I backed away until I could turn the corner of the bridge support, then waited there as his screams became louder and louder. The explosion when it came was quite satisfying. I had a quick look round the corner and the Rabbit was just a mess smeared on the walls of the bridge and floating off down the river. âAnd thatâs it really. You know what they say. Happiness comes at a price. And the Rabbit paid for his meal, thatâs for sure.â There was silence again as the Tagman considered the gruesome images that Uriahâs story had created in his mind. The denouement was not unexpected, since he had heard so many of the mageâs stories and they all ended with the death of the taleâs subject. But the variety with which the serial killer achieved his aim was apparently unending and the exploding stomach was a startling innovation indeed. It was the Tagman who spoke first. âSo youâre saying that the Rabbitâs death was the result of something you did?â âOf course,â replied Uriah. âJust spoke the words quietly while he was eating.â The Tagman looked hard at him. âSo tell me the words of the spell.â Uriah shook his head. âYou know I canât. Youâd use it, the guild would find out and that would be the end of me.â âWonât use it,â said Tagman. âBut Iâve got no proof of what you say. Tell me the words and, you know my memory, Iâll forget âem immediately. Never could remember the words of a song even.â The mage scratched his chin as he considered the Tagman. âYou know, you might be right. Took me a few goes to get it right so I canât see you ever being able to use it.â âExactly,â said Tagman. âSay the words, say the words.â âOkay, but remember, itâs on your head I do this. Donât come running to me if anything goes wrong.â He began to mumble quietly then, not words but sounds under his breath. Suddenly he seemed to hit the flow of it and the words emerged, words of some strange language, complete nonsense to Tagmanâs ear, but words that growled with menace and implied ill will. The mage stared intently at Tagman, his lips moving in unusual contortions around the arcane words, and the Tagman looked back, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight. The mage finished and the alley went quiet again. Uriah regarded his friend and then spoke. âThere, it is finished. Do you believe me now?â The Tagman nodded. The mage continued. âAre you happy now?â Once again, Tagman nodded. Uriah turned and began to walk away as the first sounds issued from the Tagmanâs belly. âHappiness comes at a price,â said the mage as he turned the corner into the main street. Word Count: 1,473 For SCREAMS!!! March 06 2021 Prompt: Happiness comes at a price. |