Composure

Exhaustion and agitation was what I felt as I was heading out of my house to reach my car to head to my skating competition. Yes, I am a skater and I am absolutely crazy about skating. Simply being on skates help me find my center and makes me fell like I am on cloud nine. But today is different. This year's State Championship is completely distinctive to the previous ones. The competition is on another level. And this year I am neck to neck with my arch nemesis. Out of three races, each one of us have won one race and today's race decides which one of us will go to the National Championship.

Anxiety was building up in the pit of my stomach. A huge lump was present in my throat. My hands were sweating. Only because I was seated in my car, the tremble in my legs was not obvious. I have no idea how I had managed to keep a poker face and not manifest my disquietude. I had complete support and no pressure from my parents. They are literally angels. But you see, I am pretty opened and not a kind to loose my cool easily, but you see panic is contagious and my parents do panic. Right now even they are trying to keep themselves together for my sake and its actually pretty hysterical watching them trying to keep a straight face. And they will cede if I display my discomposure right now. So, that explains why I am keeping it to myself.

It's been only three minutes sitting in the car and I already feel nauseous. We are the type of Homo Sapiens whose most of the best memories are during car rides but today the only one speaking was silence. I could feel the tension in the car and considering my condition, it was not very helping. People who always know how to comfort me, even they didn't know what to say. It was too much. I felt like I could choke on my breath any moment. And I had a sudden urge to turn off the car AC and open my window, and I did.

Just as the wind glass went down, the breeze hit me instantly and electricity trickled down my spine. The loose stands that were flowing out of my ponytail now started do dance with the blow. The zephyr dried the cold sweat beads that had formed on my forehead. It was calming me down extremely well. I am sure my nose and cheeks must have gotten pink as the breeze was pretty cool. The raging of the winds in my ears was enough to block out my inside screaming anxiety. I felt as if someone had poured and ice filled cold water bucket on my hot, burning, volcano- like outburst of sentiments. Just as my heart beat was normalizing I recalled all the sacrifices I had made for this day, how many sacrifices my parents had made for me. I didn't attend any of my friend's birthday parties or hangouts, I avoid my most favorite street side food, I basically gave up my sweet- sweet sleep in order to practice, I survived the tough training. How badly I wanted my parents to fell proud, how badly I wanted my coach to feel proud , how badly I wanted to do it all. And these thoughts had ignited a new fire inside me and my neck was now ready to hold the medal and my ticket to nationals.

The car stopped at the red light and my father looked at me as if trying to read my expression. I noticed it and passed him a smile and he smiled back feeling reassured. The car started again and i too again start my silent conversation with the breeze and this time confidence had joined us too.

Somehow the winds had whispered the sweetest invisible words and touched the part of me where excitement runs wild. I closed my eyes and allowed the calmness to take over.
And when I stepped out of my car, both my head and my heart adamantly said," Lets go and get what belongs to you..."