Merry Christmas (Not)

"Have you bought the turkey yet?"

"No, because we're not having one."

"What are we having then?"

"Ifits."

"What on earth are ifits?"

"Ifits in the fridge you can eat it."

"Very funny. Now what are we having?"

"I just told you. Don't worry, the fridge will be packed. I've ordered smoked salmon, crab, crayfish, prawns, mussels ... various cold meats ... "

"So it's a DIY Christmas?"

"Hey, I deserve a day off."

"Nothing for the vegetarians?"

"They can peel themselves a carrot."

"Are you pissed off with me?"

"Not you, this whole damned year. And it doesn't look like the next one's any better."

103 words