Ten Little Toes

Ten little fingers,
ten little toes.
Does something you do when you're younger really have to effect you so much later in life?
How is it fair that something every woman has the capability to do,
I don't have?
Would I be a bad mother?
Is that it? Would I be like my own Mother?
Would I not be nurturing? Would I not be able to provide?
Would my mental illness get in the way of everything like it already does?
Maybe I was a bad person in a past life.
Maybe I pissed off the wrong god.
Little fingers and little toes,
oh I wish to kiss and hold you.
I guess I'm luckier than others,
I've not had to see your picture then lose you.
Oh, how that would break me.
Women are such strong goddesses.
I guess you don't know what you have to have the strength for until you ultimately have to.
I don't want to just be the aunt,
I don't want to just be the babysitter.