It all starts within

         I was walking home one day, I had just gotten out after so long, but I'll I could think of was getting on the next bus out of the state and starting something new, though in my line of work, that would never lead to anything good? As I waited at the bus stop I could see an old man sleeping on the bench, his feet curled up to his body and his face covered in dirt, I paid him now mind. Leaning on the pole there I waited for the bus as the cold air of the night blow throw the, empty street. As I waited I reached into my back pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

"Ha... thoughts things will kill you?" I heard as I looked back at the old men know sitting up, his raggedy cloths and tired face gazed back at mine as his sunken gray eyes look at me.

"Hugh, well you've already have one foot in the grave?" I said not in the mood to be lectured by a bum?

"Hmm, true..." He said before standing, his arms going behind him as he walks over to me, "Hmm, don't suppose you could humor an old man?" He said asking me if he could have one as I shrug in annoyances, handing the old man a cigarette as he nodes before waking back over the bench.

         Pulling my lighter out I take a deep puff before letting it out, the cold air and the hot smoke filling my lungs as I sigh, before I start coughing, covering my mouth as I do so, pulling my hand back I could see the blotches of red as I sigh rubbing my hand off before tucking it into my pocket. Looking back over I could see the old man just staring back at the cigarette as I looked back confused? "Hay, old man," I said getting his attention, "If you need I've got a lighter?" I said showing the lighter in my hand.

"Hmm, thanks but I wont be needing that?" He said putting the lighter in his jacket as I looked back some what confused? "Hmm, it's half past midnight?" He said looking up at the sky, "The bus wont be hear till four in the morning?" He said looking back at me as he nods, "Have a good night?" He said about to walk off into the night as I looked back wondering were he could be going? I shrugged it off and just walked over to were he was and sat down, happy to at less be resting?

"Hmm,..."

"It's easy all you have to do is-"

"Please! Think about this? We could-"

"STOP!!!"

"WAIT DON'T-"

"WA AA!!!"

"AH!...huh...huh?" As I awaken I jump in a cold sweat as I look around, my hand to my face as I lean back trying to catch my breath but start to heave long heavy breaths as I soon fall into a fit of coughing as I fall back, gasping for air as I clutched my chest. Soon everything go's black as I pass out, my body stiffing as my mind grows numb, "No..." I mumble as I gaze up at the night sky, "Please... not yet... not know?" My hand clutching my chest as I feel my last breath about to slip out? " I... I need too... need to..." I could feel my mind growing fuzzy as I feel the last bit of my life taking away.

         I felt nothing, as numbness starts to take me over, the life I had flying past me, the visions of her... us... then we... I had lost everything out of desperation, but in the end what I lost was nothing compared to wait I stole form her whatever was about to happen, I knew it was justice for how far I fell and how deep ah scare I left? Then just as the shadows around me were about to swallow me hole I see it... a light in my eyes, "W... Was it time?" I thought my body moving to the light as I figure came into view.

"Hay... you awake?" They said as I felt someone pushing on me, "Come on, your can do it?" I heard my eyes widening as I see the old man before me his body illuminated by the light around me as I looks back happy to see me awake, "Hmm, your still with up... good?" He said my eyes coming back into focuses as I stated to cough, this time feeling his hand placed on my back as he try's to help me breath.

"Huh...huh...cough..."

"Easy there buddy?" He said telling me to take it easy as I pushed him away, my face confused and shocked.

"Why are you hear?" I asking him why he came back or how he knew I was chocking?

"Hmm, well I couldn't tell why I'm hear?" He said shrugging back at me, "I just had a feeling you were going to need some help?"

"Why... why do you care; you don't know me, you don't know what I've been throw the stuff I've done?" I said shouting at him as I look back confused and upset, "I just... I'm just nothing?" I said looking down at floor as I struck the ground under us, "Ah sorry nothing that ruined his life and coats the life of anther!" I said striking the ground as tears fall down my face as I look back at him enraged, "So tell me what is there left to save!"

         Looking back at me, the old man said nothing his hands behind his back as he sighs, though I kind smile never left his face as he looks at me as I do him, "Hmm, you've lost a lot... and the time taken can never be brought back? That's the nature of change?" He said his words clear to me as I looked back at him, his rags and dirt on his face fading as I drank in his words as if they were the only thing to him? "But it is the vary idea of change that makes up are life? Some are good and some are bad... but if we chose to only let the darkness define are being then we can never be at peace?"

"...How?" I asked him my head bowed as I cried, his hand on my shoulder as he looks back at me smiling as tears streamed down my face, "How... can I ask to be forgive for what I've down?" I said as he looks back his smile never wavering as he helps me up.

"Hmm, it's not something that you must seek to have, it's something you must be willing to earn?" He said as I look back my eyes red as I cried pulling him into my arms as I hugged him, his face smiling as he hugged me back, "Hmm, you need only speak the word you fear to most and you can begin." Pulling away I was about to ask what the word was but just as I'm about to I look back, his face telling me everything at once?

         Smiling back at me he nods his had as he looks back, "Hmm, it's time?" He said as I looked back somewhat confused as I asked him what he meant? "Hmm, it's time to awaken?" He said as the light around us overtake me, before I knew what was happening I could see flashing red lights over me as I look around my body freezing cold as I look up, seeing shadows dance around me as the blur in my eyes comes back into focuses.

"Sir, are you okay?" Suddenly my eyes widen as I look back in shock at the voice calling out to me.

"Is he breathing?"

"Yes, but his heart rates, speeding up?"

"The... that voice..." I said getting one of the two paramedics attention as they look back at me.

"Sir... try to relax, were taking you to urgent care right know?" I could here the pitch of there tone, the soft feel of there voice as I looked up as I gazed back at them;

"There..." I could see it, her smiling face, the look in my eyes... the kindness of her heart, "You... your just..." I said looking back at her as she gazed back at me, "Sh... she'd be proud..." I said drifting off to sleep my hand falling, down till I felt there hand grave at mine, like the first time... years ago...