Kindred Spirits

         "Whew! You're very gatheouth."

         "What? Who's there? That's not me. It's the cabbage."

         "Thure it ith, thtinky cruthiferouth vegetable."

         "Are you doubting an old man? Did I not put in my hearing aids?"

         "I thee thomething in your earth. No need to thputter thir. Why the thurly thcowl?"

         "You interrupted my meal. Speak up! Don't mess with me. Are you trying to antagonize me?"

         "Thorry for my rathping whithper. Laryngitith. I'm a thimple thpirit pathing through."

         "Pathing? What's that? Thimple? Are you calling me simple? My blood pressure's rising. I could just spit nails over this nonsense."

         "I try not to thpit when I converthe. Thorry, I lithp. I thcurry and thkulk minding my own buthineth."

         "Sweet cinnamon! Has sitting in solitude scrambled my senses? Am I speaking with a ghost, a spirit?"

         "Yeth thir you are. I don't thtutter. I'm a thpirit with a thpeaking dithorder. I'm not thcary at all."

         "I must be crazy, but I believe I'm beginning to understand you. You can't hiss, or curse, or sing. That must be dispiriting."

         "It thure ith. Ith not eathy to be thcary. I can moan and groan, but my thcream ith thilly."

         "There are other frightening noises. As an old man I'm an expert. Can you growl?"

         "Of courthe I can. What elthe?"

         "I suppose a snort is out of the question. I'm told that I wheeze and whistle. I don't notice. I just try to remember to breathe. What about the good old boo?"

         "The thudden boo ith a thtandard. I like to thump and bump. I thuppothe I could yell, holler, or caterwaul."

         "Oh, believe you me, I know hollering. These old bones creak and protest. Now that's scary. Aging isn't for sissies!"

         "If you thay tho. I thpeak thoftly and I don't carry a big thtick."

         "Without my stick I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Why don't you come out into the light and let me eyeball you."

         "I'm thtanding right bethide you."

         "Kinda like my shadow? My eyesight isn't what it once was young man. Can't say I ever saw a spirit anyways."

         "I've been told I'm not much to look at. I get by on my thparkling perthonality and my winthome thmile."

         "Did you notice my mug? People don't seem to see me anymore. They just walk on by as if I were invisible."

         "I'm shaking my head thir. Life ith thertainly not fair. Are, are you leaking?"

         "Huh? Of course not. There's something in my eye. You must've stirred up some dust. Didn't you mention you had somewhere to be?"

         "Quite right. I have theveral hauntingth to attend. Perhapth I'll thtop by again. Boo to you thir."

         "And boo to you. You possess a sturdy essence."

         "Thigh. I could never thay that about mythelf. Ith impothible." ( 466 words )