Wow, the last few months have been so crazy good, and bad. My sister wrecked my car than layed me out after I called her out, my landlord is a slum-lord and the list goes on. I am learning however that you must learn to keep going to keep fighting. You can learn to not just lay down and be a victim, you can learn to take back your power. You don't have to get everything right and every day. Some days will be bad days like today for me was a bad one. I lost my cool with my Landlord's staff I moved a whole fridge by myself with no dolly or nothing. I wanted to tear his head off but I didn't. I yelled a little moved the fridge he should have, yelled some more, and moved on. I am learning to get back up as soon as I get knocked down, don't wallow in the muck and mire of life get up. I am learning to be strong even if you are not strong you can learn to be. I am learning to make lemon-aide out of the many, many lemons life gives me. I am learning to sweeten the lemon-aide because who wants sour lemon-aide right. I am learning to lean on Jesus now at times I fall short on this also more often than not. I yell at him, cry, beg, plead, and some more on some days but I am learning to lean in and not give up. I am going to grab on to his robe, leg or whatever and say help me, help me, I won't let go till you help. Some days I have great faith, somedays little faith, and some day's no faith but I am going to hang on to Jesus. Every day I take back a little of the power Satan took, abusers took, the power I gave over. I am tired of being a victim. I am choosing not to be a victim and to learn to walk in Victory. I don't have to use drugs, I don't have to hurt myself or others all of these things I am doing so I won't have to be a victim anymore. If you keep doing bad things as a way of life you will keep being a victim let me tell you. I am learning to just not be ok every day and I am learning that's ok. I don't have to be okay every day. I am learning that I can distance myself from people who are jerks. I don't have to hang out with people who mistreat me just so I won't be lonely. I can be alone and not be lonely and there was a time I didn't think that was possible. You can learn to be the person you want to be. You can learn to be brave, strong, happy , peaceful, loving, happy, and whole. One day at a time you can learn to thrive and live the life Jesus wants you to. Tell yourself you are kind, you are beautiful, you are strong and that you are becoming the person you want to be. Tell yourself the things you want to hear others tell you, you tell you this and say it until you believe it.
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