Lost

I stare into the dark. It is all-consuming. Swirls in the water can be seen under the mist that is rising off the frigid, dark water. Sanctuary and paradise are what call to me. Feelings of loneliness, sadness, hate, and anger rise in me. I can taste them in the back of my throat and feel the burn, like bile climbing from my stomach. The burn does not settle, but grows deeper and spreads within me. My limbs, my body, my heart, and my soul become consumed. I need to find the end. I have searched for what I have lost, what has been stolen from me to no avail.

Tears begin to sting my eyes, from staring so long into the deep. As I continue to watch the swirls twist this way and that, I lose myself to the sounds and the vastness of the water. I feel the tears cascade down my face as I embrace the desire to end it all. The darkness beckons me, it calls to me like a siren's song.

I will no longer be a pawn. I will no longer live with the feelings that others have placed inside of me with their deeds. I will choose my ending, my destiny. As I stand on the wall of the bridge and look behind me to the city that was once home, I have no thoughts of regret for my choice. I have been robbed of all my other choices, but this one, I will decide.

I take my last deep breath and slowly let it out, as the air blows out I step off the edge of the bridge, The feeling of flying is rapturous for a few seconds before I plunge into the icy vein of river water. The pain robs me of what air I have left in my lungs as I gasp in shock. Opening my mouth, water rushes into and fills my lungs. The pain is intense, but my entire life has been filled with pain. I do not struggle against the current pulling me down. The water soaking through my winter jacket acts as a weight pushing me farther and farther from the surface. My last thoughts are of him, the one I could not find, as the darkness takes over and I go listlessly into my forever of darkness.