A Long Fall

It was the dead of night. There was no one here. Nothing but the sound of my breaths. It was eerily silent, almost as if, the world was watching me, inspecting my next move.

Sweat starts trickling down my forehead. I could feel them; enticing me to let go. I stared down to the valley of freedom, but only found a body of water looking back at me. It wasn't as easy as I'd thought it'd be.

Why? Why did I have to fear it? There's nobody stopping me anymore, nobody to care about my mistakes, nobody to count the amount of fuck ups I had. So why? Why am I afraid to jump?

I looked around me. There was nobody. No cars, no people, just the lights shining on the road.

I turned towards the midnight sky, the stars were shining today. A beautiful sight, one that I hadn't seen ever since I came into the city. Maybe, I just didn't notice it.

My palms started to sweat. The railing felt slippery and cold. Yet, I tightened my grip.

Just what was I waiting for? There's nobody here! Yet again, I'm idle, a disgrace of society, I can't even do a simple task right! Just jump damnit!

My legs were quivering. A brush of wind breezed through me. It felt cold.

My hands tightened their grip onto the ceiling.

Just let go damnit! You can't see them again! She'll never let you see them after what you did! You're an undeserving, worthless piece of trash that can't even take care of your children! They wanted you to change, but you were just too stubborn. What kind of fucking loser are you?!

My eyes welled up. Tears were flooding my vision. My mind is hazy. I feel... tired.

Was this all I can do?

I hung my head in shame. My leg, inching closer to the concrete edge.

I have nothing left to lose. They are all gone. Everyone. So why? Why do I not want to jump?

I climbed back to the other side of the world, leaving behind a flurry of memories. I sank downwards and fell onto the floor. I curled up into a ball, sinking my head into my knees. I cried; shedding tears for the people I love.

"I want to see them again!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"I want to see them again..." I muttered through my wails.

The world was silent, yet, its answer was loud. The world moved on, leaving us behind. To run, is to stand still, yet I was moving backwards.

I'm sorry, Stacy, Jack, I'm a wreck of a father, but I promise things will change.