I Am a survivor, NOT a victim

I am a survivor. Not a victim

I just finished the last available episode of 13 Reasons Why. (Wrote this a while ago obviously)

I was iffy. Concerned. That I would be triggered. The scenes that I was afraid to see did get to me. I cried hard at the season 1 finale. The hot tub thing had me shaking. It has happened to me. But I am a survivor, not a victim. I've heard the series called insensitive because it shows things that could easily trigger people despite the warnings. Every episode has a warning before it starts. It is not for the spectators to call the shots here. It's up to the audience. And if the audience ignores that message, they are the ones responsible for triggering themselves. But the thing is. Some times seeing a trigger from an essentially safe place (such as the living room) can be helpful, in my experience anyway. A place comforting and familiar enough that when you do see those images that trigger you, you can sit and tell yourself "I am safe here" until the symptoms of being triggered subside. You can prove to yourself that you have faced your fears and they did not bring you down. Have that happen once, for me, is proof that I had things in my life that made a list of my triggers so long I hardly left my house. But with one bit of success, I now know I can face the rest. It's not for everyone, but you won't know if you're one of those people if you never try it.

After watching 13 Reasons Why I realized I have two options in life. Hold on to the past trauma, allowing it to rule what you are afraid of and keep in constantly in your head. Or stand up and not let the negativity that trauma has left you afraid, hope can come naturally.

This goes for any kind of mental illness. If you can face the cause once it will become easier and easier to help yourself heal. Because your mental illness is NOT you. It's a part, but not a whole. And I have chosen to take that part of my thoughts and accept them in order to heal them. And living above that negativity means something very important.

Think about everything you do to control your symptoms that aren't working. Tell yourself that no matter what the trigger is, harmful reactions are not worth it. After all... It's not doing shit for you anyway.