Brandon

I was never the pretty girl growing up. I was a tom boy. I played outside with the boys and loved rough housing. For a brief moment in junior high I questioned my sexuality. Was I into boys or did I want to be like a boy? Was I into girls or did I not know how to be a girl? My first ever crush was Brandon. I fell head over heels for that boy. He was one of the popular kids in school. Everyone loved him, including me.
He never noticed me. I was just a joke to him. He would constantly make fun of me. He knew when he got close to me, I'd get nervous and act like an idiot.
In kindergarten, we were outside for lunch recess. We were all playing a huge game of tag. He came up from behind me, grabbed me, and dipped me. My first instinct was to kiss him, and I did. My first kiss was in front of the whole kindergarten class. After that I was enamored with him. Of course I got teased for years. I didn't let it bother me. I would always write " I love Brandon" over everything. I in fact thought I was in love with him.
In junior high, I was literally nothing. I didn't know how to act like a girl. I was far from girlie. While the girls in my class were learning how to do their makeup and hair, I was barely combing mine. While they were dressing in cute clothes to show off their bodies, I was wearing baggy clothes to hide mine. I wasn't noticed, never by him. I wasn't what he wanted.
I remember in 6th grade i went to a sleepover. We decided to meet up with a group of guys and go to the movies. I felt like the odd ball. Brandon sat right down behind me. I remember my heart racing and I just kept thinking, why won't he just talk to me?
I got up to go to the bathroom, he followed right behind me. As I walked back into the theater he was waiting. I thought I would pass out. "Why do you like me so much"? I stared at him for the longest time and the only thing I could say was, " I don't know. " he smiled and walked away. Was this the beginning of something? No. Don't get your hopes up. It isn't that kind of story.
That Monday I found out he was going out with Jessica, the new girl at school. I can't say it didn't break my heart. That would be a lie. That's the way it happens right?
He moved right after that year. I found him on Facebook a couple of years back. He looked rough and had spent some time in jail. I think the last I saw he was back in there. I guess I dodged a bullet. Brandon, I hope you one day get your shit together. Live your life right.