Dark to Light

TITLE OF POETRY BOOK

By: Christyne Lynn

Table of contents

*The girl who shamed her body

*Shattered

*The Warrior

*My Dearest friend "The Cheeseburger"

*When I see Him

*My Anxiety

To the girl who shames her body

Dear girl

Why do you hide yourself in your long baggy clothes

You are drowning in them almost like no one can see you

Are you hiding

Dear girl

When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, what do you see that is so horrible

Why do you hate your body so much

You are beautiful

I'm sure you get that a lot from plenty of people

Your eyes are brown and I see sparkle in them like a shooting star flying across the night sky

Your hands have been busy with writing down thoughts of you cursing yourself because you think your vile and wretched

Dear girl

Stop hiding in your skin and bones

Stop masking your light

Why are you sinking in the sand of despair

Take my hand and let me help you out of that pit

Dear person

who keeps writing me

I shame my body because I see a distortion

My flesh my skin was taken from me my mind can't comprehend what happened when I was a little girl

People kept ripping me open and taking what they wanted even when I wanted to scream I couldn't I was terrified

So if you must know

There is no comfort here

only myself to claim

or

What's left of me

I was seven years old

Then I was 8 9 10 it keeps happening and it keeps going multiple people just demanding my body claiming it for their own just so they can get their own satisfaction

No voice no one to come rescue me no one to explain what is going on no one shouting stop

No one telling me this is wrong

Then the taunts and words consume me

People who were supposed to be my safe havens tore my body apart in every way you can fathom

I was Stripped of What I should have experienced

A childhood should have been full of hopes dreams magical wonder an appetite of tea and crumpets and sugar plum dreams

Instead

People become weapons like knives slowly edging its way into my body

Piercing my soul my virtue my essence and

Piece by piece of me slowly dying on the inside

Thoughts become words become truth

Reminding me I am ugly

Reminding me my body is theirs for the taking

I am dismembered and unportioned

And my life my spirit my soul is fading

Only a flicker remains

Ashes to dust shimmer on the ground from the disruption that has become me

I lay here on the cold concealed concrete in rest for I am extremely exhausted

I am dear girl I am the person that keeps writing to myself reminding me that she will lay with me on the concealed concrete and will wait with me

Because this is not my final resting place this is not yet over but just the beginning of a new chapter

I feel rested and

I have risen from the ashes

I am transformed reborn like a phoenix rising i am

I am the author and the girl who shamed her body

Who has risen from my torment my own dungeon of hell

I am the fighter the thriver who has risen like the phoenix from its resting place

I have awoken

Brand new and untouched

The spark the flicker the flame is now an everlasting consuming fire that burns from the inside bursting with laughter and wonder

I shine like a radiant star in the night sky the star that stands out more than any other

I am radiant

I am the girl who shames her body only it's now loved.

Shattered

I could not speak

My voice was held down captive

I have been stripped down to my bare bones

Ripped apart over and over

Screaming but nothing comes out

I have been tainted

The darkness hovers over me

Shattered pieces of me scattered

Everywhere

As I slowly grow courage and re-paint

My pieces back together

And create a new me

With cuts and bruises

I slowly peel away the darkness

And mold myself into my newness

The Warrior

I look back from how far I have come

What I have conquered

How I am a warrior a savage all rolled into one

How I looked at defeat in the face and still stood my ground

I fought the battle alone

I pulled myself up from the battle that I have lost

The war is coming

There is a mist of dark fog coming surrounding my every being

My soul my heart has been shut down and shattered

Like glass falling to the ground as it splattered into a million pieces

I have fallen into it coming up with cuts and bruises so black

My bones are weak my soul is tired, and my heart is shattered from this endless battle.

My tears are gone

My emotions are wrapped up dancing like a firefly in the night with the black mist.

All I want to do is surrender to the darkness

to my demons that are calling my name

to just let go and let them devour what's left of my broken remains

The pain is unbearable

I almost took the sip of death

until

A shock of light went through my body and I jump up

Awaken something inside that has been there the whole time it was hiding

Waiting for the right moment to show itself.

This little light it radiates with a burning desire to shake off this muck

this dirt and grit

I put my armor on and ready to suit up for the fight of my life

My dearest friend "The Cheeseburger"

How I enjoy your bun's in my mouth

Your meat savors on my tongue and the juices from your meat between your buns is overly satisfying.

The silky-smooth slice of cheese with it smothered in your special sauce.

I savor every bite because its closer to letting you go.

Closer to saying goodbye.

I continue to control my starvation because I do not want to devour this moment. I want to take my time. Just one more bite of your precious buns with your meat and that precious silky-smooth cheese along with your succulent juices. Your special sauce is dripping on my tongue.

Dearest cheeseburger

please do not look at me like that

I am sorry I need something more something you can't provide.

I want something that can complete me something that fills me up.

Something that fills my stomach so I can be completely full.

You see my appetite is growing and I can't do this anymore. You can't satisfy me anymore.

My dearest cheeseburger

my standards have become higher, my hunger has been increasing.

I am hungry now more than ever!

hungry for a meal

a meal that is refined

a meal that can go well with wine.

Something that is strong and lean.

A meal that can fill this body up completely.

Oh, my dearest friend my cheeseburger

With this said I must say goodbye to enjoy you one last time

one final bite and then it's time to say farewell.

I am ready to upgrade.

When I see him

When I see him he doesn't see me

I tap him on the shoulder he turns smiles and then gives me a hug our first-time meeting

When I see him

I'm curious and I smile

Can he see my eyes looking him up and down drinking him in

What is he thinking coffee in hand and my palms are on fire sweating with nerves.

My heart sounds like a loud drum going off I start thinking doesn't he here that

Doesn't everyone here this loud drum echoing it's my heartbeat

He is everything I wanted is this real or am I dreaming. Will I wake up and his just be an endless tortuous dream

He starts talking and I realize this is real our time has come to an end as we say our goodbyes until next time like something out of a movie

We exchange numbers and then late-night phone conversations along with texting and then

before you know it, we both are falling hard. Falling into an endless saturated pool of something new something different something we can't say yet, but we want to. It's too soon but our hearts say yes, the words become silent. Like we want to speak these precious words but too scared to where we lose our words and fall into each other's arms

When I see him

He wraps me up with his arms and I feel safe and protected. A form of solitude hits me and my walls the surface what's happening

Does he see me

No no you don't understand my walls are barricading me in trapping me from every corner I cant surpass them I can't get out or let anyone in. They are so tall they stretch out like tree branches swaying in the wind.

So, does he see me

The walls that are all around me and all he can see is the surface or can he see past the walls the wounds and the scars

The woman who once was a little girl who was destroyed by many monsters. The girl who was robbed of her innocence.

Does he see me

The woman with the scars from the wounds that have left a mark

The woman stripped of grueling saturated destruction

The woman who put her boots on as the darkness hovers over her like an endless rain cloud underneath her. Following her wherever she went.

Does he see me

The woman who put on her battle skin ready for a fight that she couldn't win only to fall, broken, bruised, and shattered

Does he see me

The woman whose heart was broken like glass into millions of tiny shards ruined crushed

Does he see me

The woman who laughs and bathes in the light her smile can light up the room

She glimmers shines she is radiant, and she doesn't even know it

The woman who fights with everything she has until her last breath

Does he know

When he sees her when he touches her when

When he walked through the walls and found her heart put back together piece by piece on her own

Does she know the instant that they kissed the words that flowed out of his mouth with ease

I love you

Does she know did she know

When he looked at her, he did see

She tapped him on the shoulder, and he turns smiles and then gives her a hug our first-time meeting

When I saw her

I see her eyes looking me up and down drinking me in

He saw her hands and palms were on fire sweating with nerves.

she is everything I wanted

I see through her, her surface her walls are up ready to defend her

Her heart has been shattered and put back together

She has been broken but she is still standing

She is a fighter and I know she will never give up not until her last breath takes her

She is radiant and lights up a room

She is outstanding

She he we have found an endless love that even time cannot take

We wrap each other up like a winters coat

We are calm and, in our world, bathed in starlight's and our hearts are woven like vines connected for life

Does she know does he know we are one

My Anxiety

I'm anxious

I can't sleep I can't eat and some days it seems its even hard to breathe

Holding my breath as if I'm under water

Drowning into the darkness that tends to suffocate my voice

Words seem to dissolve into thin air while I sit and have so much to say

But I get lost in my head and I can't catch my breath

These restless nights seem to be more common lately and I feel like I'm already part of the undead

Like the grim reaper is already knocking at my door and I just stand there

With no fear

Just ready to accept my fate

His shadow haunts the darkness that swirls around me

I welcome my anxiety

I eat it up and engorge it

I let it take me until ready to spit me back out

I can't keep going on like this

The voices come and go with their screams and shouts

Taunting me and remind me how worthless I truly feel

Somebody throw me a lifeline before I sink into quicksand

The clock is ticking and I'm running out of time

My anxiety reminds me I'm late for my appointment with insomnia, along with worthless

and the grim reaper