Meow Me Up

Meow Me Up



A small crowd of cats, all but one on two legs, stood in aisles of church seats. Some stood in front of the long chairs, some stood in the wide aisles that lead to the long chairs and the rest of the church. Many were socializing with other cats, about work, school, and probably gas prices.

“May I have everyone’s attention,” said a Siamese cat standing at the church alter into a loud microphone. All heads in the crowd turned to face the Siamese in unison. “Could you please all take your seats; the meeting is starting.” Each cat standing sat down in a spot along the long chairs, until everyone was seated.

“Meow,” a voice from the back called out.

Everyone turned around to face the back of the church. There stood, on all fours, a gray tabby cat covered in a solid black robe. He stared up at the Siamese, a gleam in his eye.

“Calvin,” the Siamese cat said softly.

“Meow?” the tabby, now known as Calvin, responded.

“Why do I have to explain this every time? We don’t stand on all fours here. We don’t wear robes. We don’t speak in silly cat language. This is an HOA meeting, so stop treating this like a cult. Take off the robe and sit down.”

“Okay Baxter, I will.” Calvin took off his black robe, dropped it on the floor, and sat down.

“So now that we got that out of the way,” Baxter continued, “let’s take role.”

Now, as a reader, hearing Baxter saying each name and then waiting for a here or silence would be very annoying. So, here’s a list of who’s absent and who’s present.

Present: Abby, Alex, Baxter, Bill, Calvin, Dave, Emily, Freddy, John, Kelly, Kristi, Lance, Lisa, Matt, Natalie, Nicky, Pam, Parker, Penny, Reggie, Samantha, Sophia, Travis, Victoria, Vincent, and Zack.

Absent: Christopher, Joseph, Mr. Meow, Olivia, and Patrick

Many of the cats were caught off-guard when Mr. Meow didn’t say here. He was notorious for always being present, on time, and in a suit.

“Okay, now let’s get into the meat of this meeting,” Baxter said, after finishing roll. “Who here has seen anything weird or suspicious around the neighborhood.”

Multiple hands went up, as Calvin started to zone out. Calvin shifted his focus to the colored windows. It was a picture of god, or the virgin Mary, or something. His mind began to wander of, and his eyes wandered too. They wandered to the cat sitting next to him, Kristi. She was a young calico with huge, beautiful nipples. He started at the top of her stomach, and slowly counted each nipple going down. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 6 beautiful nipples.

Calvin looked back up at her face, she was looking at him with a face of disgust. Calvin quickly sat back up and faced forward. He saw that Pam was talking. Pam was an old lady, and she always told stories about the big dogs she saw roaming the neighborhood. She spoke so slow. But it seemed Calvin had looked up at just the right time, since Pa had just finished her weekly story.

“Does anyone else have something to share?” Baxter asked. No more hands went up to the question. “Okay, well, let’s get on with the ritual.”

Calvin’s ears perked up when he heard this. What ritual could Baxter be referring to? As if to answer his question, Baxter pulled out a dog from behind the alter. The dog was tied at the hands and feet, and its mouth was taped shut. Calvin was now a little scared.

Every cat around Calvin put on a black robe and stood on all fours. They all started to chant, meow meow, meow meow, meow meow. If you don’t know what it means, the chant in English is, kill the dog, kill the dog, kill the dog.

Baxter dropped the dog on the floor and pulled out a large kitchen knife. He stabbed the dog in the stomach, and he ran the knife down the dog’s stomach. Blood splattered all over the floor and the dog breathed heavily for a few seconds, until he died from blood loss. Baxter took his finger and drew a pentagram in the blood puddle.

Calvin couldn’t take anymore. He left the long chairs, making sure to fake trip and touch Kristi’s nipples, and headed for the exit.

“It seems Baxter is disrespecting our lord,” Baxter called out. Then he chanted, “Meow meow, meow meow.” You may not know what it means, but Calvin does. Calvin tries to escape but he gets captured by the other cats. He is laid down and sacrificed.