The Neutralizer

The Neutralizer

Part I: Adam

Chapter One: The Habitation

I sit alone in the darkening room, watching as the sun casts its last rays onto the floorboards and slips under the horizon. I watch as twilight descends and dusk sets in. Then slowly, like a ship sinking into the oblivion of the ocean, the room grows incrementally darker with each passing moment.

The room is clothed in shadows and no longer protected by the light of day. I know from experience that the darkness is a cloak for an even deeper blackness. I steel myself, waiting for the moment when I must face the demons. Let me assure you, I don't mean demons in the biblical sense, or perhaps I do in some way, but this is different. The dark spirits I battle are demons created by the evil intent of the human mind. They are demons that cause hatred, murder, rape, exploitation, and cruelty. Once they come to their full power, the places they inhabit cannot be free from their corrupt energy without being neutralized and cleansed.

That's where I come in.

My name is Adam. I am a neutralizer. And the irony of the whole Garden of Eden association is not lost on me. I smile cynically to myself in the dark. Waltzing around paradise with that tempting Eve creature would be far preferable to facing vile spirits that constantly threaten to corrode my spirit. Of course, there was that whole snake and apple thing.

But I digress.

My purpose here tonight is clear. I must face the menacing presence of pure evil, absorb it into myself and then go to a safe place to purge the vile energy. I must be careful not to let it drag me down into the cesspool of filth while I carry it away. This is not an easy task. I did not choose to do it; my calling chose me. And so I must obey.

The gloom of dusk has now descended into the shadows of night. My senses are heightened, I hear every creak in the old house, every draft of air causes the hair on my arms to tingle and rise. I wait, not exactly afraid, for I have done this many times. Instead, I wait like a soldier prepared for battle, for battle I must, and soon. I feel it. I sigh and lean back against the wall, praying for strength from an unknown God. I am indebted to him for my power but aggrieved that I must use it. I tap my fingers on the floor, following some ancient drumbeat inside my head. I feel curious invisible eyes focus on me, suddenly aware of my invasion into their realm. Unwavering, I glare back in my mind. Bring it on, I say without words. I am ready.

It never fails that a harbinger precedes the confrontation; some minor occurrence that, in isolation, would seem unrelated. But I always recognize it for the omen that it is. The portent tonight is a rat that scurries across my line of vision, which is now accustomed to the dark. The rat pauses in the middle of the room, suddenly aware of my presence. It takes me in, sniffs the air in my direction, and then scurries off to a dark hole outside my field of sight. I wait.

Then I feel it, like a venomous snake creeping up my spine, embracing me with its utterly decrepit intent. I feel the heartbeat of the man who ruthlessly murdered two runaways in this very room. Killed them and buried them in the backyard. Nobody knew, not the authorities, or the nice young family that bought the home after it was repossessed by the bank. I met them after they had exhausted every hope and could only resort to paranormal freaks like myself. The wife was experiencing debilitating anxiety, the children suffered from constant nightmares and bedwetting. The husband had taken to excessive drinking to nullify the dark thoughts that besieged him daily. They were unable to sell the house and indebted to the bank for the mortgage payments. They were days away from pitching a tent in a campground and abandoning the house altogether.

Then, to up the ante, the oldest daughter, who was maybe nine or ten, began to have dreams about two teenage girls getting killed and mutilated. The parents were aghast; how could a child conjure up those images in a subconscious state without some sort of provocation? In desperation, they sought help from a priest who happened to know Thaddeus. And Thaddeus contacted me.

And so that is why I am here tonight.

In my mind's eye, I glare back at the foul spirit. Bring it on, bitch. Do you want a piece of this? Okay, so I'm embellishing here, but it's not far from the truth.

I feel pure evil infest me from every side. I grab onto it and pull it in, trying to suck the life out of it even as I absorb it. I stand and walk through the house, absorbing as I go, like a sponge. I do not stop until every foul aura is contained within my body. I feel nauseated, like usual. My head aches and I feel like I have contracted the flu. But I do not pause until every nuance of evil is housed within the cells of my feverish body.

Then I leave. I must be quick. I must go to the right place to purge this hellish sickness in my soul. Or I will die.

Chapter Two: The Purging

I drive all night, propelled by some unseen force to an unknown location. All I know in my weakened state is that I am driving deep into the mountains. I find myself traveling an obscure rural road toward a destination that calls me. All through the night, as I drive, I see their terrified faces. I feel the carnivorous lechery of the spirit of the man who ended the lives of the young women. My body revolts as I experience his evil delight in extinguishing the lives of the two helpless runaways. I feel I must rid myself of this evil very soon or I will at best die, or at worst, embody his morbid intent. I press on. It is dawn before I feel a quickening within me that informs me that I am near. I pull onto a gravel road and travel for miles toward the place that gently beckons me through the roar of murderous intent that seeks to destroy my mind.

I reach a dead end and I put the car in park and set the brake. I exit the car quickly, almost as if I am fleeing for my life. For in the truest sense, that is exactly what I'm doing. I run towards a stand of trees, and I catch sight of a path that seems to lead somewhere. I follow it blindly. I grasp at branches, pushing them out of my way and run toward a beacon that calls me. As the new dawn alights the landscape, I find myself at the edge of a lake. The first rays of morning sun illuminate a pristine mountain lake. It is blue-green and greets me with the innocence of nature untouched by the depravity of humankind. Without thought, I plunge in, embracing the shocking cold, and feeling the evil that has taken residence in my body disseminate and become neutralized in the pure mountain water.

I swim for what seems like hours but is probably only thirty minutes or so. I don't want to take a chance that I will carry any residue of darkness with me when I climb out of the water. Eventually, I swim to the shore and pull myself out of the brisk water, confident that the dark spirits I brought with me are now buried at the bottom of the lake. I don't feel sick any more. I only feel a deep fatigue that attempts to lure me into falling asleep on the bank. But I don't. I make my way back up the path and climb into my car. I start the ignition and begin the long trip home where I will sleep for at least twelve hours.

My task is complete, for the most part.

When I reach my humble apartment, I stumble to the door, unlock it, and head straight for my bed after dropping my keys unceremoniously on the hallway table. I am done for now. Tomorrow I must see Cate. For you see, Cate is the finisher. It is not enough to neutralize evil. You must then flood the affected place with love and light. And that is what Cate does. If I did not know she was human, I would say she is an angel. And as I feel sleep overtake me like a death shroud I see her beautiful face. For in that place between wakefulness and sleep the soul is honest. And in that honesty, I know that I love her more than anything.

I slip into sleep quickly but awaken within my dreams. For now, I know the thoughts of a mind consumed by evil. I see what he did, I feel the terror of the victims. I sleep for hours, but when I awaken twelve hours later I am still haunted. But I have grown used to this. It is my stigmata if you will. I rise slowly and after several cups of coffee, I take a long, hot shower. Then I pull out paints, brushes, and an easel and try to erase the darkness with the beauty of art. My paintings are secret, nobody sees them but me. But they nourish me and keep me from going insane. Well that, and Cate, she keeps me in sound mind. Her soul is like the pure mountain lake where I purged the demons.

But I can never have her. At least that's what my logic tells me. My deepest inside self tells me I must be with her. Because life without her is not a life I want to fathom.

Sometimes I feel she is my only hope.

Chapter Three: The Encounter

I see him before he sees me. I am always strangely fascinated by how he can blend into a coffee shop setting. To me, he radiates a timeless vibration and spiritual power that I feel sure others in the room must see and feel. But apparently, they don't; they just move around him like he is any other middle-aged man getting coffee. As if to confirm my observation, Thaddeus looks up and into my eyes, as if he has been aware all along that I was watching him.

Looking away, I walk to the counter and put in my coffee order. When I join him a few minutes later he is reading the paper.

"What's going on in the news?" I ask, sipping my coffee.

Thaddeus sighs, not looking up. "More of the usual. You can be assured, my young friend, that you will have plenty of neutralizing to do in the future." His ice-blue eyes rise from the page and stare into mine. He smiles and folds the paper, setting it aside.

"I assume you have rested up since your visit to the Conner home," Thaddeus says.

"Yes," I reply absently, remembering my awful awareness of the evil presence that I transported to that mountain lake.

Thaddeus seems to be considering this recent task. He sips his coffee.

"How is Cate?" I ask.

Thaddeus smiles sagely. "She is well. Peaceful."

"Good," I say. "I need to see her."

"You usually do after these things," Thaddeus replies. Then his eyes rise to mine, searching. "But why? Why do you need to see her so much? You've both done your work. Why is it so important?" His tone is challenging.

"You know damn well why." I retort.

"Yes. You love her." He states it for the first time. A simple fact that I'm sure he has known for a long time.

"How could I not?" I ask.

Thaddeus' smile is grim. "Of course. She is pure. She is the exact opposite of the evil you purged from your soul. But you know you cannot be with her. Not in the sense you want to."

I am filled with both quiet rage and resignation at the same time. "I know what you mean Thaddeus. What I have experienced will kill her, or at the very least destroy the power she has to cleanse the evil. I know this. But I can't help but love her."

"And so, this is the burden you carry. You cannot have the thing you love the most because the thing you are called to do, which ironically binds her to you, is the very thing that prevents you from being with her. She must remain out of reach." Thaddeus states this simply, but each word tears at me from the inside. Thaddeus is giving words to my deepest sorrow.

"So you say." I obstinately reply. "I'm meeting her later today."

Thaddeus nods. "You will do what is right. Not because you want to, but because that's how it is supposed to be."

I change the subject. "How is the Conner family doing? Are they comfortable in the home yet?"

"Well, they have visited the home, if that's what you mean. Cate will stay with them for a few days, she will help them to feel at peace. She is especially dedicated to helping the daughter feel safe. She's playing the role of guardian angel until they are settled." Thaddeus seems to be glancing around as if he's finished with the conversation. I am happy to oblige. He stands. But not before he dispenses his yet again unwelcome advice.

"Don't do it, Adam. If she yields to you, it will destroy our work. Her goodness will be neutralized every bit as much as the evil you destroy." He takes one last sip of his coffee and is gone.

Chapter Four: The Letting Go

Forty-five minutes after Thaddeus leaves, Cate appears in the coffee shop. Her eyes find me immediately and she walks to where I sit nursing my third coffee.

"Hello, Adam." Her smile is beaming; it lights up her face. I take her in, the long blond-brown locks that refuse to be categorized into a distinct color, soft ivory cheeks, and her deep green eyes. I am captivated and without words. I just stare at her.

Cate seems to take my silence as an indication of the struggle of neutralizing the evil in the Conner home. She looks deep into my eyes. "Are you okay?" Compassion floods from her into me. I feel the darkness abate. I feel her peace invade my anxiety and push it aside. I am content, blissful even, in her presence. And so deeply in love.

"I am now," I state honestly. How could I not be at peace in the presence of an angel?

Cate's emerald eyes lock into mine; they seem to consider and weigh what they find there, then widen slightly in revelation. Somehow at this moment, she knows. How she hadn't known a hundred times before is beyond me. Against my own will, or perhaps because of it, I am not able to keep the curtain around my soul shut this time. Today, she can feel how much I love her.

Cate lowers her eyes abruptly and sits across from me. She appears stunned, even slightly elated. Maybe that is my wishful thinking. Her eyes rise to meet mine, and this time they shimmer with unshed tears. I feel myself smile gently at her, encouragingly, like I am attempting to approach a doe in the forest.

"Adam." Her voice is soft. My name leaves her mouth on a high note, like the song of a bird.

I feel a quiver in my chest, then a piercing pang that travels through my body like a wave.

"Cate," I answer.

"Adam, you are trembling." I become aware of my shaking at that moment. I gaze at her helplessly. She, who has only known my strength until now, is bearing witness to my frailty. I am exposed and vulnerable. But I cannot fight the raging tide of emotion crashing through me. I surrender instead to a primal need more powerful than the weak logic that tells me I must protect her from myself. I reach across the table and take her hand. Her fingers clasp mine in response as an electric current connects us.

I feel my chest expand as I take in her energy. I feel lifted to a higher place, a place above the battlefield that has cut scars into my psyche. Her soul is quiet, unguarded. I let myself unfold and rest inside her presence. Her love, which is now freely given to me, surrounds me like a warm blanket that buffers me from the wind. She leans in and our lips meet in a tentative kiss. The gravitational pull seizes us both, and we are drawn closer, our lips searching and tasting each other, hungry for more.

Cate places her palm on the back of my head and pulls back to observe me coyly with a smile that is both innocent and seductive.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Her voice is silky, her eyes are inquisitive.

I rise back to the surface from my descent into a dream, realizing I must give her an answer. The answer is there, but I don't want to allow it into my thoughts. But she is waiting.

"I wanted to protect you." I blurt, wishing instead I could use my mouth to taste a spot on her neck that I find intriguing.

Cate considers this for a moment, staring down at the varnished table and appearing to inspect a blemish on the surface. She scratches it with her fingernail thoughtfully. I feel something start to sink within me.

"Protect me." She repeats absently. I wait for this to fully sink in. I know when it does she will understand why I have held back for so long.

Cate stares out the window for a long moment. Then she turns her lovely eyes to me and leans across the table to brush my lips with hers. I start to soar inside. Her love is emancipation from Hell on earth.

I move my chair closer and pull her to me. For a moment we are lost in each other. It is not just the kiss of her lips, it is her cheek against mine, her heart beating as one with my own and the irrefutable sense of finding the connection that fills the emptiness that has haunted me every day of my life until now.

Cate comes up for air with a giggle. "I don't care."

I am disarmed. "You don't care?"

"I don't want to be protected." She runs her delicate fingers through my hair. "I want to be a part of you, I want to know you. You can't go it alone."

There is a beautiful honesty to what she is saying that I want to embrace. But an alarm goes off somewhere in my enamored brain. I see her shining face and how willing she is to go wherever being with me will take her.

An image flashes through my brain. I see Cate sitting in a corner of a room, pale, thin and tormented. Her eyes lock into mine and I see the acute suffering of an innocent forced to gaze into the abyss of the knowledge of evil. The knowledge I now possess. I look into her and see her heart bleeding. It is killing her; bearing the weight of loving me and sharing what I know.

The hallucination fades and I am once again looking into Cate's shining face. But I know as I behold her the future I will be sentencing her to if I pursue my own needs.

"Cate. I...can't. I can't do this to you. It will destroy you. Loving me, being with me, is the worst thing that could ever happen to you."

She is taken aback, and tears spring to her eyes. This time, they shimmer in the pool of a pierced heart.

"God, Cate. You have to know the last thing I want to do is hurt you." I realize as I say this that I truly mean it. I love her too much to crush her because of my desires.

Her eyes search mine and, as before, she sees what is there and considers it. After a few long moments, she nods.

"Just never forget, Adam. Never forget I would go into Hell if it meant I could rescue you from the pain of facing evil. I love you because you refuse to let me face that. But I love you more because you took a risk and let me know what you feel. I have always loved you from day one. Don't feel sad, this is a gift."

Cate rises and surveys me with a long look that speaks of secrets we both will hold to keep us in the lonely nights that are sure to come.

"Until next time, Adam." She turns and walks toward the door that will take her out into the world and away from me. I watch her leave with stupefied grief. Then she is gone, and I am left to ponder the end of my hope that I could be with her. As I sit in the afternoon light that casts its warmth on my shrunken form, my cell phone rings. It is Thaddeus.

"Hello, Thaddeus. What's the story?" I gaze at the door through which Cate exited moments ago. My heart is a thousand-pound rock anchoring me to cold reality.

"I got a job for you." Thaddeus answers.

"Bring it on." I smile grimly as Thaddeus conveys the task. Another day, another evil to face. And face it I will. With or without Cate at my side. Because that is what I do.

It is my calling.

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