The Insults

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Stoick was halfway up the slope to the house when he heard them. The door was open again; looking inside, he spotted several missing stools and a scattering of items he knew were stored this morning. He was two crates fewer, and he suspected they were trying to find storage.

“How much did you bring, Snotlout?” Hiccup sounded aggrieved.

“A few things. I wasn’t gonna abandon all my stuff—I need it to feel comfortable.” Upstairs storage was limited, but Hiccup had never needed required more than a few shelves, some hooks, and a pair of chests. Finding a place to store Snotlout’s belongings had become a problem. “Sheesh. You are so selfish. It’s just five shelves.”

“I only have six total.”

“Pfftt. You don’t need them all. It’s not like you own a lot of clothes, or you wouldn’t be wearing the same ones every day.” Why his nephew believed Hiccup did not require storage for his clothes was a mystery. “I’m not hauling a lot of that here. I’ve got my tunic, vest, and a pair of pants.”

The house became silent. Hiccup broke it, asking, “How many changes of clothes did you bring?”

“What I got on. Why? Do you expect more, because I don’t need more than that.”

“Um, yeah, you do. You’re going to reek if you don’t change them.” Stoick heard Hiccup try to hide his horror. “You do change your underwear, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. When I remember, anyway.”

“Errgh. Snotlout, that’s just...You know what, never mind. Again, why do you need so many shelves if you don’t have clothes?”

“I have other stuff to put on them. Gimme that crate on the left and I can show you.”

“What’s in here, Snotlout? This box weighs more than you do. It might weigh more than my dad.” I will remember that, son.

“You’re such a wimp, Hiccup. That's valuable property, and the weight isn’t important compared to what’s inside. Open it and be amazed, cuz.”

“Your Thawfest medals? Okay, I can see why you’d want those, but I still don’t know what the rest of this stuff is.” Stoick heard rustling noises. “Wait, these can’t all be yours. There’s too many.”


“Nope, those are all mine. I am the keeper of the Jorgenson Thawfest medals, a honor and a responsibility only the best of us receive. I don’t expect you to understand about that—you’re only a Haddock.”

Oh, nephew, you will regret that remark.

“Did you really just go there, Snotlout?”

“Look, I get that you’re jealous of all this greatness I possess, but you have to accept Jorgensons are born exceptional and live with it.”

“You believe that House Haddock knows nothing about honor and responsibility.”

“Sure, you know some, with the whole Chief thing...”

“Oh, so you do remember we’re the Chieftain’s line—I thought you might have forgotten that detail.”

“I remember. It doesn’t matter. Uncle Stoick’s decent at being Chief, but a lot of what he says is hot air, telling people what to do as if we can’t think for ourselves. You guys are nothing special.”

Stoick almost announced himself, but Hiccup got there first; he heard it in his son’s voice—Snotlout had pushed him too far.

“Take it back Snotlout.”

“Why? It’s not like it’s a big deal. Everyone knows it’s true; they’re too afraid of your dad to stand up and say it.”

“Take it back.”

Stoick heard the hardness. He knew his son was proud to be a Haddock, but never grasped Hiccup was so fiercely protective of the family line, and his tone said it all. Hiccup would only put up with insults when circumstances forced him into it. He did not have to accept this from Snotlout, and would not be kind to his cousin.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know it’s hard to hear—I’ll drop it if you’re going to get touchy. We have to get back to putting my medals away, anyway. I’m gonna...”

“You refuse to apologize, Snotlout?”


“I don’t need to, Hiccup. I haven’t done anything wrong.” Stoick heard exasperation in his nephew’s voice. He ought to interrupt, but Hiccup would not hurt Snotlout and he wanted to see where this led. This was new territory and he had to know Hiccup’s mind.

“You promoted yourself as being better because you are a Jorgenson. You assured me my family line is nothing special. You admitted you know Clan Haddock is the Chieftain’s line, but stated we had only some honor. You derided every Chief that existed on Berk: Hamish I and Hamish II, Hiccup Horrendous I and Hiccup Horrendous II, and all the others. Those statements are dishonorable, and bring shame to Clan Jorgenson.”

“Hey! You can’t say that.”

Snotlout would not escape this reckoning; Hiccup was using the precise speech that surfaced when he was furious. There were no contractions, no questionable terms, and no flexibility. He was laying out the facts in sharp detail, and using tribal law and conventions against his cousin. Snotlout earned his son’s wrath, and this was a challenge Stoick dare not stop.

“You spoke ill of your Chief, Stoick the Vast, who is allowing you to stay in his home, in Haddock House, home of the Chieftain line on Berk. You stated that he is inferior to your line. You attacked the man who has ruled this tribe for over two decades with honor and strength you know nothing about. He was the one who worked to keep the Hooligans safe and fed against every hardship and obstacle.” Hiccup gave a sharp exhale. “He fought ceaselessly to keep this tribe healthy and strong. He battled pirates. He fought against Dagur the Deranged, Alvin the Treacherous, and every other enemy that came for us. He rose from his bed nights beyond number to fight dragons and to lead everyone in the fight, then started people rebuilding the village.” Snotlout cleared his throat. He had never seen Hiccup this angry, and Stoick gave a grim smile.

“Stoick the Vast works alongside his people. No task is too small because every job needs doing to take care of the Hooligan tribe on Berk. If others refuse to work, Stoick the Vast steps in where necessary. He is known throughout the archipelago as a great man, an example to others, and a formidable adversary.”

Anyone who saw him then would see the look of astonishment on his face; Hiccup’s ferocity belonged on a battlefield, not in his home defending Stoick. He noticed a shadow in the door: Toothless. The dragon stalked in, heard Hiccup’s angry speech, and snarled. He studied the room and sat down in front of Stoick, watching both the stairs and the doorway. Toothless stood alongside Hiccup to protect him.

Stoick was gobsmacked.

Hiccup’s voice filled the house. His tongue-lashing had grown progressively louder and more forceful; people would overhear. Stoick knew Toothless would not move, and after this, there would be consequences. All he could do was listen.

“You have attacked and belittled me, laughed at and jeered and insulted me. You have offered deliberate offense to every Haddock in this line. You have insulted all the previous Chiefs, my ancestors. Wherever any of them are now, neither they nor I care about the opinions of Snotlout Gary Jorgenson.” Stoick knew people were gathering outside. This would spread quickly, and there was no stopping it.

“You spoke disparagingly against your Chief, Stoick the Vast. By stating I was only a Haddock, you asserted all Haddocks are inferior. You knew you spoke of the Chieftain’s line, and said it did not matter. You stated that a lot of what your Chief says is hot air, that he tells people what to do, and that he does not believe the people in the tribe can think for themselves.” Stoick heard a gasp. Snotlout would suffer for this attempt to get under Hiccup’s skin.

“You stated that your Chief came from a clan you thought was nothing special and everyone knew it, that the Hooligan tribe feared standing up to their Chief and telling him that. I provided you with opportunities to rescind your statements, and you stated you did no wrong. My father is your uncle. You attacked your kin, Snotlout. It hope your petty harassment is worth the result, cousin.” The last word was a hiss. Hiccup lowered his voice.

“I am the Heir to Berk. As Heir, it is my duty to work alongside my father and protect every member of this tribe, including him. I can easily challenge you for the insults against myself and my father. I can challenge you because as kin, you may desire to take my place, and that is impermissible. I can challenge you for the threat against my father—if you conspire to take my place as Heir, you may try taking his place as Chief.”

“Hiccup. Please, I’m sorry, I...” Hiccup cut him off.

“You want to apologize? You failed to think first? You did not mean it?”

“Uh, yeah. All of those.”

“It does not matter. You promoted yourself and your clan over mine, offered multiple insults, and refused to take them back. You needlessly condemned the actions of your Chief. You are a kinsman who he chose to let live here, and you cared only about gratifying your ego.” Hiccup stopped pacing and Stoick heard the heaviness in his next words.

“You can never mention this to anyone, including Uncle Spitelout. It will damage him, and I do not allow it. You will anger the tribe with how you spoke against my father. Some will be offended you spoke against me and the Haddock line. The Jorgensons will be shamed and I will hear demands to challenge you. My refusal is certain to further rile people. Whether I offer challenge or not, you will lose. It will not matter if you beat me in the fight. The tribe will remember why there was a challenge, and you will still lose. Defeating me will not fully restore honor to the Jorgenson clan; it may even shame them more. People will want permanent exile or outcasting. You may be cast out of your clan.” The bedsprings creaked, and Stoick imagined his son bowed under the weight of the past ten minutes.

“If dad knew about this, he would have an obligation to do something. I have to, as son, and Heir, and a member of this tribe, lie to my dad and my Chief. I have to deceive an island’s worth of people because of what you said. I will lie to people who expect to trust me, people I will have to lead one day.” The depth of this deceit would hurt Hiccup and he would feel guilty about this choice for years. “I am breaking the law so I do not divide this tribe, permit shame to clan Jorgenson, put my dad in an impossible position, and destroy your father. I am pretending you never insulted my clan or myself. I am accepting without challenge your attacks on my father, and you have no notion how little I want to offer mercy for that. You backed me into a corner, and I am attempting to save you, whether you deserve it or not. You lack honor and I am sacrificing mine because I have no other choice.”

“One final thing, Snotlout. You accused me jealousy. I could spend the rest of my life making nails in the forge, a dull life with no battle glory and no chance to prove myself, and never envy you. I have Stoick the Vast as my father, and there is no greater honor.” Stoick felt Toothless lie down, and leaned over to scratch his son’s dragon. Hiccup’s voice drifted down the stairs.

“Now shut up and find a home for your frickin’ Thawfest medals.”