Triggers

I made it to the hallway and closed the door to the bedroom till there was just a crack. Every step I take is silence as I go heel to toe on the bare carpet. My legs feel like noodles and my heart is in my stomach. I have to pass all 5 rooms filled with my 17 brothers and sisters while I make my way through the finished basement. We are not allowed to leave our beds at night, if you need to pee you hold it. My eldest brother loved enforcing this rule.

He loved even more to be the punisher when someone breaks the rules. We learned long ago not to drink before bed, hours before bed. We are allowed to use the restroom when we are told.

I wouldn’t be able to come up with an excuse if I got caught. If you break a rule your ass belongs to my dad and brother. And they get to do what they want with it. What would I say anyway? I’m sleeping walking out of the house fully dressed with a packed backpack.

My father is sadistic, pure evil and as happy as can be. I have never met a man more joyful than my father. Screams of brutal and unbearable pain will make him grin ear to ear. This last time I was barely hanging on to life and desperately wishing to be set free. But I always come back. This time I’m sure I’ll be dead before the sun rises, if they catch me. Either way I’m escaping.

I made it down the hallway and up the stairs. Now I have to get through the kitchen to the sliding glass doors. The kitchen has hard wood flooring and my dad is a light sleeper. I know what’s at risk, this isn’t my first time trying to escape. I keep on going heel to toe, taking my time and being extra quiet. I bite down on the sleeve of my hoodie to minimize the sound of my breathing.

I was concentrating so hard on my breathing and quiet steps that it took me a second to notice the light above the sink was left on and my fathers bedroom door was open.

Like I said I was barely hanging on last time. I have been practicing and planning for weeks now trying to get this down perfect, if it’s not it will be my last try.
Part of my punishment is going to the room. It’s also down stairs. It’s got white walls and a white floor. It reminds me of a kitchen or hospital room. It’s the perfect place to think.

The room is equipped with a bed frame. It folds up for easy removal when you’re really bad. And a mattress, the mattress is just padding. It rolls up without the problems you would have with a regular mattress. You don’t get a pillow or blanket and more often then not your cold. Food and drinks come sparingly although I do get more than I would normally thanks to my mother and James.

My mother was 14 when she met my father. My father was 33 and an elder of our church. She was a gift, they even wrapped her for him. James is one of my brothers. We are 9 days apart and he’s my.... he’s someone that I know wouldn’t do those things to me if he didn’t have to and it hurts him too. It doesn’t just hurt him to do it. He gets hurt when he doesn’t do it and when it’s done to him. So I forgive him. He doesn’t even have to ask.

Each step I take is soft and slow. My fathers room is on the other side of the island across from the kitchen sink. The lights shining right into his room. If I walk in front of the light I’ll create a shadow, who knows what might happen with that. I don’t want to risk it and I don’t want to risk crawling either. I didn’t practice crawling quietly, I also don’t want to be on the floor if I do get caught. I would be too slow getting up to run.

In his room is himself, my mother, my other mother and my dad’s two large Labradors, Boris and Ottis. They don’t like us kids and that’s another reason I don’t want to be on the floor. Im fairly short, 5’3, so it should be enough for me to duck down while passing the sink right along side with the island. As I make it to the rug in front of the sliding glass door, I reach for the lock and lift it lightly.

I slide the door just enough to fit through. I’m slender with long red hair. My fathers main complaints about my body is my ass it flat and my chest is flatter. I see it as a blessing. I slipped through the small opening and slid the door closed again. I had no way to lock it.

Just outside the sliding glass door is a patio with furniture and beyond that is a yard of loose gravel. But once I make it to the hedges I should be ok. It’s still dark out and nippy, I can see my breath. I have 35!minutes till dawn and I want to make it as far as I can before then. I make my way across the patio. With my hands out in front of me and careful steps just in case I do kick something, I’m moving quicker.

My first few steps were clear, then my shin hits my dad’s fire pit. Not enough to make me scream out but enough to slightly drag the metal legs against the concrete. That’s going to leave a mark and maybe wake someone. I walked around the pit and between the chairs. Once I reached the left top corner I made my way to the edge. My breathing is heavy and getting faster. The air outside is cold, the dew on the chairs was frozen.

Im trying not to shiver too much. Once I got through the chairs I expected a clear path and made my way to the gravel. The grave was louder than I thought and after 4 steps I started to hear barking inside the house.

I quickly made it to the hedges and rolled underneath. Within seconds the patio light comes on and the door opens. It was my dad, I know it. I again bit down on the sleeve of my hoodie. My heart is racing. I can only assume he’s scanning the surroundings. After forever I heard the door slid shut and then the lights went out.

I’m not stupid, I’m sure he’s still standing in the doorway. But I don’t have a lot of time. Staying as low to the ground as possible, I crawled under the hedges to the end of the driveway.

I tried not to think about getting caught. I crawled over, through, under and around the trunk system. I dragged myself through the bushes. The dirt is damp and my stomach is getting wet. I can feel the spider webs in my hair and on my face. I hate spiders but they were of no concern at the moment.

I had to be crawling for at least 10 minutes, trying not to move the bushes as I advance. I made it to the end of the driveway and I would say I had another 25 minutes till dawn.

The road we live off of has three houses on it including ours. I started running west towards town, I planned on running until my legs gave out. I had to be careful not to let the neighbors see me. We’re all part of the same community. We’re in an infamous cult, if you’re up to date on your cults, you know us children.

We established in the 70’s and became progressively worse. I know this because we are taught our lovely history as part of church. With every thud from my feet hitting the ground I felt freer and freer. This isn’t my first escape attempt and it’s not my first successful one. I just keep getting caught afterwards.

How do I keep getting caught, well my fathers a respected detective in our community and that comes with privileges. He has buddies, he has resources and not to mention he has charm. People jump at the chance to help my father find his dear troubled daughter. He has it all set up.

I’m a home school kid with 17 siblings that are alive and 2 moms. We have a private doctor employed by the church who happens to be an elder. He delivered my 4 children. I had my 1st baby at 12. Then 13, 15, and 18. I don’t know if they were boys or girls. I don’t know where they are. And as I am one of my fathers children, I don’t get to tell him what to do with the children I produced. Lucky me though, I can no longer get pregnant thanks to severe damage.

Same for my brother, if they were his. We never really knew who the fathers of any children born into this were really. We are here to please, everyone, with a penis. If you’re a man of the church, indulge in your perverted desires. If you want to become a man of the church, we’re here to sample.

My throat is burning, the harder I breathe the worse it hurts. So I start to slow down and come to a stop. I made it maybe half a mile. I’ll walk for a bit then start running again. I don’t have much time.

As I’m walking I hear a truck coming up behind it. It doesn’t matter who it is, they can’t see me. I jump down into the ditch lining the left side of the road and wait for them to pass. They are not driving very fast, usually folks drive faster down this road. Are they looking for something? I stayed still, I watched the lights getting brighter. I know I’m visible now, I’m completely lite up but they drive on by.

When I climb out of the ditch I start running again. I don’t want to stop this time. As I’m running I start to feel lighter. My strides felt longer. I ran all the way into town and I got there just after the sun came up. I’m 26 and I’m almost on my own.