Hidden Lies

         
                  Hidden Lies 
              By: Shelby Yanzer

           It's May 12th 2016 and my Mother lies there motionless in the hospital bed. I feel tears coming to my eyes. I notice the speckles and pools of blood on her body. I don't even know what happened. And the worst thing is, is the fact that my own father isn't here and most likely doesn't care.  
          Why her? Why? She means EVERYTHING to me. I'd rather it be me then her. Why does it HAVE to be her? I feel like screaming my lungs out. Please, God, please don't let her die, please. I wish she would just heal already. Why can't the doctor work faster? 
         All of the sudden, I hear a long never ending beep. I scream as loud as I can, I have no idea what's going on but yet fear rushes through me. Before I know it doctors and nurses are flooding into the room. They are yelling to each other about giving her some electric shock to bring her back. 
         All of the sudden I realize what they were talking about, my Mother is dead. 
         My eyes fill with more tears as I bury my face in nurse that stayed behind to calm me down. She pets me as if I were a dog scared of a thunderstorm. I scream, wiggle, and ball my eyes out. But still nothing seems to help me shake this thought that someone killed her. Now I have to live with no mother. No one there to hug me good night, no on there to feed me meals, and no one there to soothe me when I'm sad.   
         I can't believe it, she's really gone.  

                                                           
  . . .

         It's now April 5th 2019 and it's still dark out. I'm waiting for my siblings to wake up. I had made breakfast for them and I feel like I should have told my Father that we need groceries last night. But he wasn't home anyway. He's never usually home at night. He probably would have yelled at me anyway since we're always broke. 
         I decide to wait on the couch for them to wake instead of just standing in the kitchen. I don't know when they will wake up. I should wake them up soon though, only because it's a school day. Otherwise I would just leave them alone. 
         While I'm deep in thought I hear a car pull up in the driveway. I shake my head as I see my drunk father step out of the car with a black eye. Once he reaches the top step of the porch and swings the door open I ask, "Dad, what happened to your eye?"
         "Does it really matter?" He replies his head down.
         "Um, Dad?" I ask.
         "What?" He answers with a long tired sigh.
         "We need groceries and Gabe grew out of his shoes again."
         I want to mention that I need a new notebook for school, but I don't want to push it. He already has enough on his mind.
         "Whatever."
         He stumbles away down the hall. He shoves my little sister, Annie. I grab her before he can push her again. He looks at me and continues to his room. But that's just something that happens regularly to us so we are pretty much used to it by now, it doesn't hurt, but it doesn't feel great. 
         "Iris?" She asks as I set her down at the table.
         "Yeah?" I answer as I sit myself down at the table.
         "Is Daddy going to be, okay?"
         I don't know. I really don't know. Out of all the questions she asks, I can answer, but why this? How am I supposed to answer? Should answer with 'yes he'll be just fine' or, 'no, he's going to end up just like Mom'. So instead of telling her either of those things that I can't promise her, I say, "I hope so."
         "Oh, okay."
         I continue to eat when I hear shouts coming from the other room. I leap out of my seat as I hear Gabe crying and screaming. I run to his room and swing the door open. 
         The sight I saw was not pretty. I saw my Father hitting Gabe with full force. I noticed red marks and bruises. My father was yelling at him in some type of slurred voice he uses when he gets drunk.   
         I feel Annie's tiny hands gripping my waist in fear. I feel her tiny head on my back. And then I feel my back get wet with warm tears. 
         I have to stop him. I yell, "Dad!"
         When he doesn't answer me I yell louder, "Dad! Stop it!"
         He finally turns around and looks me deep in the eyes and pulls me from Annie. He practically drags me through hall and into the living room. My heart is beating to what feels like a million times a minute. I scream, cry, and squirm, but he doesn't stop. And why would he? He never listens to me anyway or anyone for that matter. He shoves me onto the couch and screams things awful things that I can't even mention. 
         He raises his hand and swings at me. I feel my face go numb. I thought my mouth was full of spit, but no, it was warmer and it tastes different. I then realize that I have blood in my mouth. He raises his hand again and hits me in my stomach. I cry and scream, but nothing, he just continues hurting me. 
         Suddenly he stops and looks at Annie whose crouched behind a chair wailing and her face red as if it were a cherry. He stomps his way over to her and grabs her out. I feel her fear. Even though she isn't even near me.  I yell at him, but he continues. It looks as if Annie's arm is about come off. 
         He practically throws onto the counter. 
         "Iris! Please help me!" She cries.
         But there is nothing that I can do to help her. My body aches and my head feels like it's going to explode at any second. Gabe pounces in front of Annie and yells, "Dad, stop it! She's your daughter so is Iris and I am your son! You can't be hurting us like this!"
         He looks into his eyes and pushes him away. He screams awful things into Annies ear. She will most likely end up growing deaf before she turns ten. Once he stops he just starts yelling random things at all of us. 
         Eventually he goes back into his room angry and frustrated.  
                   
                                                    . . .

         After my Father leaves to go get more of his "things" I send us on our way to school. While walking on the sidewalk I decide to mention to Gabe and Annie, "I don't want you guys talking about what happened this morning."
         "Why not?" Gabe asked looking at me.
         "Because I don't want it to happen again and if people ask Dad about it, "I say with a serious face, "then he might find out we told, so promise me that you BOTH won't go around telling people."
         They nod their heads.
         "What do we do if someone asks about the bruises?" Gabe asked.
         "Um, just say that you fell down the stairs or something." I answer.
         "But, that's lying!" Annie protests.
         "It isn't lying if it's for your own good, okay." I reply.
         "Oh, I understand." Annie said.
         You know what I love about her so much? The fact that she will believe me about anything. That way I know she can keep SOME secrets. Let's just hope that this is one she CAN keep. Gabe too. He's never been to good at keeping secrets. Like the time when he told everyone at school that we were broke and everyone started giving us money and started setting up donations for us. 
         As I walk down the sidewalk deep in thought, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and realize that it's my best friend, Grace. I know when she noticed my face because her eyes widened when I turned around.
         "Oh, my God! What happened!" She shouts. 
         "I fell." I hang my head.
         "Are you okay?"
         "Yeah, I'm fine."
         I want to tell her everything that had happened, but, I can't. So instead of telling her about what happened I told her this, "You know the new kid, Edward?"
         "Yeah, why?" 
         "I like-like him."
         "Really! Oh my gosh! Your first crush! You HAVE to let me do your makeup this morning! Then you can ask him out!" 
         "What! No way am I asking him out!"
         I notice out of the corner of my eye I see her smile. I wonder what she is planning. I wonder if she's going tell him or say that I told her to ask him out for me! Oh. Crap. 

         . . .

         As I sit in English class I hear quiet whispers from behind me. I try and make out some of the conversation, but I can't. I wish I could. I wish that I had super hearing sometimes. It would come in handy some days. 
         Eventually the bell rings. I gather my things and head to my locker.  As I open it Edward walks up to me. I can feel my face getting hotter and hotter as he comes closer. 
         Once he finally reaches me he says, "Uh, hey."
         "Hey." I say terrified.
         "So, your friend, Grace, told me that you like me?"
         What! Oh. My. Gosh. She didn't!
         "Is it true?"
         I feel like crying.
         "Uh, would you mind waiting here for a little?"
         Before he can even answer I'm half way down the hall. By the time I reach Graces locker she can already tell what's up. She sighs and says, "You're just fine."
         "Uh, not cool! I told you not to!" I shout.
         "I know, but I just wanted to help."
         "You think this is helping?" 
         "Uh, yeah!"
         "Well, you are way wrong! You know what? I'm done. Thanks, Grace, thanks a lot." 
         I storm away. I can't believe she did that! She knew I didn't want her to tell him! 

  . . .

         I went to the elementary school to pick up my Annie and Gabe. On our way home I decided to bring up if they kept the secret or not.
         "Did you guys tell anyone?" I ask eyeing them both. 
         "No, way. Remember what happened last time?" Gabe said.
         "Yeah, I remember," I say, "What about you, Annie?"
         "Uh-uh." She says looking ahead.
         "You sure?" I ask.
         "Yep."
         "Okay." 
         The rest of the walk was quiet. No one wanted to talk. I don't want to go home. I want to ask if they wanted to stay somewhere else. But I don't. I know they would want to. I better just keep it to myself. 
         When we get home we find my father on the living on the floor. I bend down and tap him in fear I whisper, "Dad? Dad, are you okay?"
         He jolts awake, his eyes red. He must have been drinking 
         "I'm fine." He yawns.
         "Okay, here let me help you up." I bend down and grab his hand. 
         Once he is up and awake he goes, "I'm sorry about this morning, I didn't mean to do that. I'm really sorry."
         I don't forgive him but I don't want to aggravate him again. So I answer with, "It's okay. Just please promise Annie, Gabe, and me that it won't happen again."
         "I promise."

          . . .

         The rest of the night was quiet. We ate dinner, watched T.V. , and went to bed. Maybe he's going to change. Maybe he really feels bad. Should I forgive him? No? Yes? Why should I forgive him? He could've killed us if he wanted to! I just don't know. Sometimes I wish that someone would just tell me what to do. I wish my Mom was still here. She wouldn't have let this happen to us. She would be saying goodbye to my father right now. She would be telling me not to forgive him. You know what? I'm going to ask myself this question every time I don't know what to do, "What would Mom do?"

         . . . 

         The next morning I can't find my Father anywhere. I look in Annie's room and she's there. I peek in Gabe's room, he's there. Good. Now I just have to find my dad, still. I hope he didn't run off again. The last time he ran off, he almost got killed. Witch is not good. Please don't say that he didn't run off. 
         Instead of sitting there in my thoughts, I search the cupboards for something to eat. I find nothing. But by the time I reached the last cupboard I find something white, kind of like flour. What is it? I also found short small, glass or plastic tubes. What the heck is this? 
         All of the sudden I hear the back door open. I shove all the stuff back into the cupboard and close it. My Father stumbles into the kitchen.
         "Morning, Dad." I say.
         "Morning." He answers sitting down at the table. 
         "Where were you this morning?" I ask.
         "I was at the store."
         "Oh."
         I don't believe him. Not at all. He was most likely out with his friends or at a club that only adults can go to. I'm not aloud to talk about that stuff though. The only reason that I know this is because that's the exact way my Mother described it. 
         "Is there anything to eat?" My Father sighs. 
         "No." I answer perking my eyes up at him.
I want to ask him about the stuff I saw, but I'm scared. Should I ask
him? You know what? I've been holding all my questions for long enough! I'm going to ask him.
         "Hey, Dad?" I ask sheepishly.
         "What." He answers looking at me.
         "What's that stuff in that cupboard?"
         He pauses, his eyes big.
         "How do you know about that stuff?"
         "I was looking for something to eat, and I opened the cupboard and found it. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?"
"Yes."
         "How could you feel sorry! You were snooping on purpose!" He shouts as he stands up from the table. 
         My heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest. What is he going to do to me now? Please don't let it be bad. Please, lord, please.
         "Dad? What are you doing?" I yell. 
         He says nothing, but I can feel his rage. He grabs me and shoves me to the hardwood floor. He kicks me and I slide back more. I hit my head in the corner of the counter. I feel the back of my head and look at my fingers. Blood. Lot's, but it's also not enough to kill me. I cry and cry as he walks away. I hear Gabe and Annie run out of their rooms and to me.
         I hear their tears, shouts, and worry coming from them, but I can't see them. I then hear Gabe yell, "Annie! Call 9-1-1!"
         I hear Annie run off and call them. I hear then her quiet voice say, "Hello?"
         She puts it on Speaker phone:
         Operator:9-1-1 what's your emergency?
         Annie: My big sister got hurted.
         Operator: Do you know your address hunny?
         Annie: No.
         Operator: Would you tell me how old you are while we trace this call?
         Annie: Four.
         Operator: And how is your big sister hurt?
         Annie: Her head is bleeding.
         I don't hear anymore after she said that. All I remember is seeing black, hearing black, and feeling nothing but pain. 

                                                 . . .

         I wake up in the hospital. I look around and notice Grace sitting in the chair next to my bed crying.
         "Grace?" I ask.
         Her head perks up and she wipes her tears. She stands up and wraps her arms around me.
         "What happened?" She whispers as if I were a sleeping lion.
         "I fell." I answer.
         "That's what you said last time." 
         "Is not."
         "Yes it is true. Be honest with me."
         Should I tell her? I'm going to tell her. But I'll make sure she doesn't do tell anyone.
         I told her everything. About the drugs, about the punching and hitting, and also the truth about my head.
         "That's really bad, you HAVE to tell someone!"
         "Are you kidding me?"
         ''No. Why don't you want me to tell anyone?"
         "Because he's get mad and then he hurts us."
         "Well maybe this is your chance to make it stop."
         I want to answer her, but I just can't. I just look at her with sad eyes. I eventually turn away and focus my eyes out the tiny window.
         "Look, Iris, I'm sorry for telling him. Can you please just talk to someone about what's going on, okay? You can hate me b-,".
         "I won't hate you. I'll tell someone, I promise." 
         She smiles and tears well up in each of our eyes. 

         . . .

         It took a while before I could leave the hospital. I may have promised her that I was going to tell someone, but I'm not going too. I'm just to scared. So I chose to keep the secret. 
         Anyway, now I'm at school and again, I'm sitting in English class. Mrs. Beak said that we have something different planned today. 
         As soon as we all sat down in our seats, Mrs. Jaxon walks into the room. Her heels clap on the floor as she walks to the stand. She looks at each and everyone of and says quietly as if she were scared, "A student has come to me and told me that something bad thing that has happened to another student in here."
         I instantly look at Grace. She looks at me and mouths the word, "It will be fine, I know you'll be okay." 
         I turn my head back to the front of the room. I lock my eyes on Mrs. Jaxon. She looks at me and places her hand on the stand. 
         "I will talk to this student after class. If you think you are the student than come to my office. If you are certain you're not the student than don't even bother."
         She continues her guidance class. My stomach feels like I'm going to throw up. I plop my head down on my desk.

                                                 . . .

         After class I head to my locker and not to Mrs. Jaxon's room. Does she know it's me? Does she think it might be someone else? Please say that she doesn't think or know it's me.
         While I sit here worrying, I hear Mrs. Jaxon's voice say, "Iris?"
         I turn around scared, eventually I say, "Yeah?"
         "You didn't come to my office. I know you heard me in the beginning of class."
         I don't say anything. I just stare at my feet.
         She looks at me understanding, she rubs her hand on my back and motions me near her office. I don't want to go. But I do.
         I sit down in her office. I look around the room. There is a long silence. 
         Eventually she says, "Why don't you tell me what's going on."
         I look down. I think that I should tell her. 
         So I do. I tell her everything, about the hitting, the drugs, the problems with money, and even the truth about my head. 
         "Well, I have to make a quick phone call. I'll get back to you." She stated with a hopeful smile.
         My stomach churns. My throat feels hot. I think that the cereal I ate at school this morning isn't agreeing with me. I walk out of her office and straight to the bathroom. I sit there and cry. I cry so much I puke. I sat there for so long crying and puking until someone came in and found me. They saw me and left. I wipe my tears and I hear the door creak open one more time and then close. 
         "Iris?" Mrs. Jaxons voice echoes in the bathroom.
         I don't say anything. I just keep crying. 
         "I wanted to let you know, that I called someone and their going to help you." She said understanding.
         "I don't need it!" I shout at her.
         She practically falls back. Like she has never been shouted at before.
         I rise from my seat and stomp furious out of the bathroom. I then run out of the school. I don't know where I'm going, I just need to get away. 
         My feet slam on the pavement as I keep running.
         "Iris!" Mrs. Jaxons voice rang out.
         I ignore her. I rapidly move on. I don't stop. I run until I can't hear Mrs. Jaxons voice anymore. I keep running. I breathe heavier with every step. People glance or stare at me as race by. The tears stream down my face. I don't know why I'm running, I don't even know where I'm going. 
         Once I'm farther away from the school, I realized where I was. I look on the left side of me and see the "Brown Grave Yard". The name sounded familiar. So, I went in.
         I looked at all the faded names and stories behind them. One caught my attention though. The name, Jennifer Grey. Wait. My, mom. I read the story,  "Jennifer Grey, was a loving mother and wife. She died of great injuries of a massive assault from an unknown person. She died at the young age of 24."
         My dad. I was at school when it happened. He must have done it! Tears make my eyes blur. Soon they're running down my face. I wipe my eyes. 
         I fall to my knees. If my mother were here she would be soothing me. Telling me everything is going to be okay. 
         But instead of her, I hear Mrs. Jaxons voice down the streets reaching closer. 
         "Iris?" She shouts.
         Her walking gets closer. But instead of running, I stay in place. She jogs to me in a funny looking way. 
         "Iris? Are you okay?" She yells worried.
         I shake my head. She kneels down to me. She hugs me and holds me close. She reminds me of my mother. This is the way she would soothe me if something was wrong. And something is wrong. Everything is taken out of place. Everything feels like when you're at a library and you put the books on the wrong shelves. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wail. Tears fall onto her tight skirt and expand with time. 
         She lifts up my head and demands, "Tell me whats wrong."
         I look at the grave and cry more. She turns her head and looks too. She covers her mouth with her hand, as if she just saw a monster eat someone.
         "Oh, Iris, I'm so sorry." She says hugging me.
         I stay silent.
         "The people are coming to the school to talk to you and your siblings, today. She said that you can talk with your siblings. Instead of individually." She added.
         I don't want to say anything. I refuse to anything to her right now. Or anyone for that matter.

          . . .

         After a while, I talk to someone. It felt good to get all of these emotions out for so long. She mentioned that we were most likely going to get taken away from out father.
         "But that's our house!" Annie cried.
         "I understand that, sweetie." The lady answered. 
         "Then why are you taking it from us?" Gabe whined.
         "Because, it's for your safety, and it's my job." She replied.
         All I can do is hang my head. I'm too scared to say anything. What if this lady just throws us to some strangers? What will happen. My fear feels like a waterfall gushing throughout my body. 
         "Iris?" The lady calls.
         I perk my head up.
         "You have been awfully quiet. What's the matter, dear?" She asked.
         I don't answer her. I know that it's rude to ignore people, but, she's the one person that I WILL ignore. 
         "I think that Ms. Grey, is still a little shook due to the situation." Mrs. Jaxon chimes in. 
         She smiles at me. I glance at her. I choose to smile back. I had a strange feeling that everything was going to be a lot better from now on.

          . . .

         After a week or so, the whole thing was settled. My dad went to prison, we got put up for adoption. But that only lasted for at least 3 days. Why? You might ask. Because, Mrs. Jaxon and her husband had decided to adopt us! This home is a lot better than the home I had to grow up in to fast. 
         Do you remember when I said that my life felt like everything had been like a bookshelf and as if someone had taken all of the books and put them on different places? Well, now it feels as if someone had taken all the books and put them back in their places. Everything is so much better. The biggest difference I can see is Annie and Gabe's happiness. They look so much happier. It really makes a girl happy when you see your family happy.
         The main thing I learned about all of this short time period, is that even if your secret is big and bad, never hide it. Come out and say the truth.