Things I say to myself

I can’t express
The fucking loathe
The disgust
The pure hatred
I have for myself
For my body
And my mind.
The whole thing is like a science experiment gone wrong.
Constantly malfunctioning.
I’m made for nothing
But fucking up good things.
I can’t imagine how happy my parents were before they had me.
They probably didn’t know real pain until they had me.
I am hell wrapped in flesh.
I wake up everyday afraid of how I might fuck up again.
I go to sleep every night praying that God will take me in my sleep.
I am the definition of a disgusting human being.
I’m am unproportional
Inconsiderate
Selfish
Ugly
Fat
Stupid
Whore.
And I deserve nothing less than death itself.
I am past the point of no return.
I don’t even want help at this point.
I just want to simply
Disappear.
I know my family and my boyfriend will be sad.
But at the same time.
I will have saved them from a life of disappointments.
I don’t go out of my way to hurt people
But the evil bitch in me makes it happen
Even if I really need that person.
I am alone in a crowd of people
No one will ever understand
The way it feels.
To be this broken.
By your own self.
With no one to blame but you
I want to escape my shell of a body
And fly into the sky
Never to return again.