Just 'Good Enough'

I count my pills
I count them again
I carefully divide them into little plastic boxes
I count how many days
How many days can I stretch them, if the doctor doesn't order more
How many days can I go without them, and not begin to feel it
How thinly can I ration them, before they do no good

I plan my days
I plan again
I pick out clothing in advance
I plan out strategies at work
I struggle to remember who belongs to which account
How many days before the people I look after suffer my shortcomings
How many people will notice that I've changed
How many people will not be kind or graceful
How thinly can I ration, before it does no good?

I remind myself I'm lucky
I remind myself again
I will not die, if the doctor doesn't order more
I will not get sick, when my rationing runs out
But who will care, when I get clumsy and forgetful
Who will care, when I can't take the extra load if someone else gets sick
Who will mention I look sickly, because I'm tired and self conscious
Who will soothe my worries, when I know I've been substandard

I count my pills
I count them again