Losing It

Sometimes, I wish they would see me
slowly breaking down
slowly falling to pieces
devoid of the strength to keep going
existing on willpower alone
losing my mind
as my body falls apart around me.

I scream for help
but my screams are
--------- SILENT ----------

Maybe I push them all away
in my most painful moments

Or maybe I complain too much
and they are all just now blind
blind and deaf to my suffering.

Some days, there is no strength,
no courage, no patience
- only this pain, and anger.

Anger at what or whom?

Why would any higher being
put someone through this?

I know my life could be worse,
that others have it worse,
but those aren't soothing thoughts to me
they provoke more pain and leave me confused.
I question if I am really selfish
when all I want is to be selfless
and for the pain in body and mind to end.