recovering. (revised)

alcoholic

liar

drunk

my guilty thoughts have been racing

to force me to relive years of mistakes and hunting memories

failed as a parent, lover, friend

never living just surviving

Deryck said it best

"I'm all messed up

Making perfect nonsense

Drowning in my doubt too well"

abuser

manipulator

user

missed school and soccer games

hangovers so intense i might explode into nothingness

whats a lie and guilt trip if i get what i want

slut

crazy

drowning

another notch on my bedpost

why can't i stop?

drinking, self-destruction, disparagement

_{i want to stop}

_{I hate myself}

_{maybe they would be better of without me}

a stint in the clink

mandated sobriety

recovery

the past is the past

can't change that

the future is another story

strong

mighty

survivor

i did the time

paid the price

learned to love me

recovered who i am

reclaimed my life

healed my heart - mind - soul

my guilty thoughts still race

but now they mix with celebrations

accomplishments beyond my dreams

friends who love me

Perfect attendance

a happy blooming son

my guilty thoughts still race

but now i can manage them

quiet them, learn from them, let them go

Never fully recovered

But recovering

Healthier

Happier