Just Me

I feel like I am dying inside;
harboring feelings I should not hide.
Each day, I lose more will to survive.
It's eating me - eating me alive.

I know I'm always keeping things in,
and on this path, I'll never win.
Sometimes, I wish my life would end;
but even that's like spitting into the wind.

Some days, I'm on top of the world.
Yet, others remind me I'm just a girl
living my life for everyone else;
refusing to even care for my health.

Doctors give me more drugs to make me "right" -
no more seizures, violence, or sleepless nights,
no more pain or depression - so they said -
and nothing else wrong inside my head.

But, all that's crap, that's what I say!
It's all supposedly in my mind, anyway!
Pain and imperfection - these are clear as day.
Still, I live my life, come what may.

I miss my life when it was simple and sweet -
before my wings were crushed and my soul claimed defeat -
before my confidence was sliced to tiny shreds -
before people started to "mess with my head".

I can't seem to find any guidance I trust.
I can't seem to find the voice that I must.
Okay, so I can't tell people what's wrong
but I can write about it all day long.

So, here I sit, writing these words;
a bard whose songs shall never be heard -
wishing I weren't loved for who I could be;
wanting to be accepted as me, JUST ME.