Why Hello There You Sneaky Snake

Hello there, welcome back to today's enticing story, found on my doorstep, (I promise, this isn’t a shady operation). Well, that depends on your version of fun….for this to be fun, you got to enjoy decapitation, trouble, and a little law breaking. Well, when we last left of our hero Shezing Pi was in the middle of a very pesky problem, he was dead. What Shezing didn't know was at this very moment, his body had been revived, but the men who did it couldn't find his soul. Our hero awakes in the lower confines of...well to phrase it aptly, Satan's House.
“Argh!!!!!!” You jump up and proceed to hit your head on the suspiciously low hanging rafters. As you roll out of bed you find that this is A) not your house and B) may not be your own world. As you head through the strange house, you arrive at the torture room. You spy swords, guns and, of course, people hanging from walls. Some by rope, some by a chain, some by pure fire and, of course, their own appendages (guess how the humans were hung). You stop to pick up one of the weapons (take your pick readers) and you head towards the next room. In the next room, you find a room filled with...money. You stop to liberate some of the money, (cause of course, who leaves free money laying around?) and you continue onwards. As you head towards what you think is the final room, (it isn’t), you hear a noise. As you turn the corner you find a man dressed in black. No joke, Pure black.
“Really? Again? This may be the fifth or sixth time you’ve tried. I’ve wiped you out twenty plus times. Argh!! Why can’t my job be easy? It’s sooooo hard working for Satan. God, I swear I’ve only had like….six hours of R&R.” The figure in black continues to gripe and groan. “I mean, what does he ever do to me? I’m only known as Thanos, servant to Satan! I’ll never be able to live this down!” As Thanos continues to rant, you start to edge towards the door. “Not today sucker!” Thanos launches a blast of energy towards you, then all goes black.
“Argh!!!!!!” You jump up and proceed to hit your head on the suspiciously low hanging rafters. As you roll out of bed you find that this is A. Not your house and B. May not be your own world. As you head through the strange house, you arrive at the torture room. You spy swords, guns and of course people hanging from walls. Some by rope, some by a chain, some by pure fire and of course their own appendages (guess how the humans were hung). You stop to pick up one of the weapons (take your pick readers) and you head towards the next room. In the next room, you find a room filled with...money. You stop to liberate some of the money and you continue onwards...Wait, this sounds familiar. You slowly start to realize that you are literally repeating what you did before, and, wait, before that also! This time you decide to try something new. Sadly, the man in black sees you again. ZAP!
“Argh!!!!!!” You jump up and proceed to hit your head on the suspiciously low hanging rafters. As you roll out of bed you find that this is A. Not your house and B. May not be your own world. As you head through the strange house, you arrive in the torture room. You spy swords, guns and of course people hanging from walls. Some by rope, some by chain, some by pure fire and of course their own appendages (guess how the humans were hung). You stop to pick up one of the weapons (take your pick readers) and you head towards the next room. In the next room, you find a room filled with...money. You stop to liberate some of the money and you continue onwards. As you head towards what you think is the final room,(it isn’t), you hear a noise. Wait...ok this is getting old. You’ve literally done this three times now. When you reach the man in black, you find a man in red instead, (see my rhyme? {Ha ha! That's funny, I didn't rhyme!)}
“Finally, welcome. I found you outside my house. I thought you were dead. You see, that's the only reason people show up on my doorstep. As you probably figured out, I’m Satan. This is my house and you are my (insert word here). As you can tell (insert word here) I am very powerful and your attempts to escape here has made me very (insert word here).” Whatever he was going to say was cut off by a sudden burst of light. A majestic looking man walks down from the light.
“SATAN!!!!! Why are you keeping living mortals again? WHY? Explain this to me right now!” As the man stares you see the ground began to heat. Now, you know that when you wake up in a strange room and men start shooting lasers from their eyes, as your dad always said, “When the lasers come, the Pings will always run." As you start to edge out of the room, the man turns and screams, “WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?!”
` As you turn around, you feel your feet leaving the floor. As you fly up, you feel the incoming panic of, “OMIGOSH!! How am I going to breathe? Omigod, Omigod, Omigod! Wait, I can see a light! Am I dead again? Shoot!! Why? Why oh cruel….” You feel the rant leaving you. “Wait, hold up. You...you are God aren’t you?”
“About time...I thought you were smart. Azrael? Take him away.” An angel comes down from the roof. “Take him away. He is no use to the Covenant of the Gods.” As the angel picks you up, you hear God say, “Egypt has fallen, The Saxons are gone, and now Europe is next.”
As the angel carries you further, you try to strike up a conversation. The angel will only speak about himself, yet he will not answer your questions. Although, as you fly along, he says, “God sure has been very sad. His son, Jesus, is dead. Killed in China, trying to help people there. Jerusalem has fallen, Egypt too. The Saxons and Britons are gone. David and Goliath are missing. The Triad has gone missing. Kris Kringle hasn’t been sighted in years. Camelot has withdrawn. The world is a mess. God thought you could help. I think you can though. Take my sword, avenge the gods!” Armed with those parting words, the angel kinda just...well explodes. As you are sent hurtling towards an almost uncertain death. You feel the rough, red earth poof under your weight. Almost immediately after you land, a monster thing shoots out of...well, nothing, and rushes towards you. Cursing explosions, angels, and gods, you roll and strike. POOF! The monster dies. On the ground, you find a sword, the sword seems to be labeled Soulflare. That’s right, Soulflare. Picking up the pushy sword, you head on. Throughout the long journey, (it took twelve years), you collect many weapons. Such as Savage Ornament, Disrupt and Despair, and The Guardians of Traitors, and many more pushy swords. You also learned that the whole, god dying thing, is pretty legit. You pass through what seem to be dozens of burned and broken temples. You find some stuff, just body parts, and some goo. Although, your luck may just plummet down a pipe. In the next world, (or maybe its a dimension), you find an ongoing battle. Right as you step out of the glowing door thingy, thanking the weird doctor, a body flies by. This body is followed by several constructive bodies. Then, just for good measure, an elephant. As you continue through the square, you notice several things. 1) there seems to be an overwhelming amount of swords, 2) the other side seemed to have guns, and 3) there was a giant glowing guy in the center. The glowy guy suddenly flares brighter than before, the gathered men with swords chant, and then the glowy guy goes boom! Unfazed, you walk forwards. Once you reach the front, you find a chilling surprise, the glowy guy, the one who died, was killed by the same guy who killed you. The guy turns towards you, salutes, and then disappears. Talk about creepy. So as you turn around, you feel a growing discomfort in your back, you turn around and find a knife just growing out of your back.