Twas A Night On The West Coast

Scoring Summary

1st Period
09:45 - PHI Chris Therien (3) Daymond Langkow
19:12 - PHI Keith Jones (14) Eric Desjardins and John LeClair

2nd Period
15:05 - LAK Pavel Rosa (4) Ray Ferraro and Doug Bodger

3rd Period
07:53 - PHI Eric Lindros (32) Chris Therien
16:52 - LAK Sandy Moger (3) Luc Robitaille and Rob Blake
18:12 - LAK Donald Audette (9) Jozef Stumpel and Luc Robitaille
19:59 - LAK Jozef Stumpel (9) Donald Audette and Luc Robitaille


For anyone who doesn't follow hockey or read box scores, what this basically says is a player won the game with a goal with one second left. What it doesn't say is the opposing player flipped it toward the goal from center ice with time running out and had it go in. It would be like a half court basketball shot, only a guy is waiting by the basket to swat it away and missed it. Fans were furious, and for me, it was either pen this or blow a gasket. I should have realized writing blew off steam then, but no, I waited almost two decades for that. The names are from people I knew in a newsgroup where it was originally posted. Enjoy!



February 12, 1999

Twas A Night On The West Coast
(A Visit From Ronnie Red Light)

By Mastiff (With serious apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

'Twas a night on the west coast, when all throughout Philly

Not a creature was stirring, not even Ol' Billy;

The jerseys were donned by the fanatics with care,

In hopes that the Flyers soon would be there;

Au Revior and Ed Webb nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of two points danced in their heads;

And Mamma with her Yeungling, and Bushmills my vice,

Had just settled down to watch a game on Center Ice.

When out in the crease there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.

Away to the T.V. I flew like a flash,

Drunkenly tipping the drinks that fell with a crash.

The light from the top of the Great Western Forum,

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below 'em.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a ol' back up goalie, decked out in his gear,

The little old flopper, so lively a sight,

I knew in a moment it was Ronnie Red Light!

More rapid than eagles his teammates they came,

And he pleaded, and shouted, and begged them by name;

"Now, ERIC! Now, MIKEAL! Now, RODDIE and DAYMOND!

On, DAINIUS! On COLIN! On, DANIEL and ROMAN!

To the top of the circle -- across the red line,

Now clear away! Clear away! And all will be fine!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with a King, a hard check apply.

So into the third, Philadelphia they went,

With a fat two goal lead, and no need to vent.

And then, in a twinkling, a puck in the net,

The diving and sprawling of a goalie not set.

As I sucked down my malt, and watching in pain,

Down on the ice was Ron Red Light again.

He was dressed all in pads, from his head to his toes,

Not that it mattered, in the net the puck goes.

The defense before him equally bad;

But one goal per minute? How fucking sad.

His right post -- abandoned! His five hole how scary!

King fans -- elated! The lamp alight like a cherry!

The fear on my face was certain to show,

Because then it happened, with less than one tick to go.

King announcers had mentioned, surely in jest,

Flyers giving them points, since their record is best.

But lo and behold, with Ronnie in net,

The lead wasn't safe, and those points they would get.

Hearing from here the wails, screams, and a sigh;

All Philly fans felt we could at least get a tie.

But I heard him exclaim, as blinked on the red light,

"Happy Christmas to King fans, and to all a good night!"


WC: 683 Poem LC: 50