Compass Part One

Compass Part One

Standing on the sidewalk waiting for the bus, I look around me. The rain falls heavy, pounding on my umbrella like a drum. The thought of you still clouds my mind. I can see those eyes still looking into mine. I can still taste your lips. I can still feel the warmth of your touch upon my skin. But, I could still feel the ache in my heart. I look up to the sky, letting the rain drops hit my face. I hoped the rain would wash away some of the pain away. But, every drop that hit my face was even more depressing. I looked down the street to see the bus getting ready to pull in. Instead of boarding the bus, I decided to walk down the street.

Walking seemed to help me clear the thoughts and the memories. I watched as people rushed into buildings trying to get out of the rain. I even noticed men holding umbrellas for their girlfriends. Seeing such happiness just made the pain in my heart hurt more. I couldn't seem to shake the feeling of this guilt off my shoulders. I hoped looking down at my feet while walking would hide the depression that rests on my face. But with every coming puddle I walked into, I could see memories. The flashbacks continued to surround me. I stopped and closed my eyes as tight as I could.

I can't shake you off. I can't remove you from my mind. You are like poison flowing through my veins. There is no antidote. The only cure there is, is time. Time is my only option, but I don't think I can last much longer. The pain is beginning to turn into agony, the agony will soon turn into anguish. What more can I do?

Nothing.

All I can do is wait. So now, I try to find a different path. I am trying to find a new road to walk down. The only thing guiding me along the way is my heart. My heart is my compass. And with this compass, I will find the power to fight this curse, this disease. The memory of you, the memory of us, won't be forever gone. It will always be there, in the back of my mind. Nothing can take the years we shared. For those years, I am grateful.

Now, my life is starting to change. And with that, I can feel the pain starting to fade. I can feel the cuts starting to stitch themselves back up. My scars no longer ache. I will move forward. And I know you will too. I will strive with....

My compass.

Jessa Laurel Harrington

February 11, 2017