Explaining my depression

some days you don’t feel anything and everything’s just numb but most days everything hurts, your heart, your mind from all the racing thoughts and it feels like your chained to your bed because you don’t have enough energy to move a single muscle because depression isn’t a feeling it’s a disease it’s physical and mental destruction it takes over your mind, your body, your soul and you aren’t you your something else because you’ve been taken by a dark abyss and you’re just lost and scared 24/7 but sometimes you just don’t have enough fucking energy to care so you stare at the wall in silence for hours on end because you’re too depressed to even pick up your phone or hit the play button on a song and you cry for no real reason, you cry because you feel alone, you cry until there’s no tears left to fall and the world feels lonely because you don’t know how to explain the feelings inside, you don’t know how to explain all the physical stuff depression comes with without looking insane like the fact that I feel like there’s always something pushing down on my chest making it harder to breath and the fact that I can’t sit up straight because I’m always so fucking tired, not physically but mentally so fucking exhausted and it sucks it fucking sucks to not be able to just explain all the feelings you feel because there’s not enough words in the dictionary to explain the word depression, there’s not enough words in the dictionary to explain the thoughts and the actions and the pain and everything else that follow, there’s not enough words in the dictionary to explain that the world might just be better off without you.