death at 21

i am a woman of 21
i am a woman of 21 that seek doesnt seem a boy that is tall dark and handsome... i seek the only thing that i crave in this world, the one thing i NEVER recive for my birthday or christmas .. i crave and NEED death.

you may read this and think.. well why don't you get help? i have been getting help for 6 long years.
6 LONG years of people and docters trying to convince myself that my shitty life is a gift.
my days are anxiaty ridden, self harm is on my mind 24/7 and no amount of pills is going to make me look in the mirror and feel even slightly average.

you may all be thinking ... why don't you kill yourself then? if you need it so fucking badly why don't you just do it?
the truth is ... i don't want to not exist anywhere...