Fool me twice, Shame on me

He said he couldn't let me go, he said he didn't want to lose me, he said he loved me. I believed it all, because I couldn't let him go, I wanted him more than I've ever wanted anyone. I didn't want to lose him because the thought of someone else having him tore me up inside. I loved him with every ounce of my being. With that being said, I caved and took him back. Stupid.
We both decided to start over. We as in he decided we needed to start over. Fresh clean slate, since WE had a huge argument. He gas lighted me in that situation. He made me believe I started the argument that made us break up. In all honesty I didn't. He blew that shit out of proportion and made me think it was all my fault. What a fucker. What was the argument? I didn't want to be on the phone while he was at a party. All I wanted was to get off the phone so he wouldn't feel obligated to split his time between talking to me and people that were around. Yea I was the bad person for wanting to let him have a good time.
I agreed to it all only because like I said, I just couldn't see my life without him. When he said clean slate if figured we would stop making future plans and stop saying "I love you", but we didn't. We picked up right where we left off, kind of. His texts were fewer and shorter. His messaging wasn't as intense as it used to be. His good mornings seemed blah, his "I love you" seemed force. I didn't want to think anything of it. So i didn't initiate the texting. I didn't beg him to give me a phone call. I just went with whatever i was receiving. I did ask why he never liked any of my pics on Facebook. He said he wasn't following me but he would start liking all of my posts and he did. Part of me kept saying he is seeing someone else or he's just doing this so he doesn't hurt you. When will I learn to listen to my gut feeling?
I had made plans to go spend time with him one Saturday. He was "excited" all week to see me because he "missed me", he "loved me", he "needed me". I was excited too. Then I caught myself praying to God that he wouldn't cancel on me. I wanted to see him and get laid. Hey, I really needed it! So come Saturday morning at about 3, he posts a snap that says something about being off for 2 days. Naturally I am super happy and I'm hoping he will message me to say he wants to see me both days. I call him and he answer with his usual, "hey babe". I ask about his days off and he tells me that as soon as he posted that on his snap he tells me his boss called and asked him to go ahead and work. You call bullshit? So did I at first. He is just so damn convincing. So i get sad, I let him know, he says he's sad too. We talk on the phone as he drives home. He tells me he will call me back after his shower. I stayed awake as long as I could and when I woke up an hour later, no phone call, no text, nothing. So I try to call and no answer. I get back on snap and there he is posting a picture of a sunrise. I call him back and boom he answers. I tell him I need to see him. Who knew how long it would be and he agreed. He wanted me there at 3 so he could get some sleep. To say I wasn't jumping up and down with excitement is an understatement. I truly did miss him and wanted to just be in his arms, to feel his kiss, to just smell his scent. I am a fucking idiot.
I go and we have sex. I mean I did really want that and needed it but I also wanted to spend time with him. I looked on the floor and I see a bra. A white A-cup bra, definitely NOT my size. I got quiet and turned off right away. He finished inside me and asked what was wrong. I grabbed the bra and asked what the fuck that was. He laughed and said "oh no babe, that's my cousin's girlfriends bra. He's staying here until they find a place. Their stuff is everywhere." Yes i believed it. I know, I know, I'm an idiot.
He was supposed to go to work at 6 but said he told them he would be late. That made my heart happy. He was willing to be late just to spend time with me. We watched a movie, cuddled, and of course had sex one more time. Then he said he had to get ready for work. I didn't want to leave but I knew he had to get ready to go. After all, this is what dating a guy in the oilfield is like, right?
Usually when I would leave he would text me right away to say how much he missed me...I didn't get one text from him. I should have known something was going on. I should have trusted my gut feeling. He posted a snap of a TV and the GGG/Canelo fight. I asked if he ended up not having to work, he swore he was watching it at the rig on one of his co- workers TVs. Funny his friend, who I had on my snap, was watching the same fight on the same size TV. At this point someone should have slapped me back into reality.
So that week I was hoping he would get one full day off from work, he promised he would go at least spend one night with me and I was again excited. Again, I caught myself praying he wouldn't cancel on me. What happened? Yes he had to work. He was going on 14 days but he did truly miss me and he did truly love me. Yea right.
I went on with my days, rarely hearing from him, I think with that my heart was already letting him go. It was just my mind that needed the jolt. Oh but wait, that's coming.
I finished my work and headed home. He didn't even text me that morning to say "Good Morning", he didn't even ask if he could see me since I would finally have the weekend off. Nothing. I got a text saying he was upset and when i asked him why his response was his baby mama was acting like an idiot, his rent place never received his money order, he was sick, and his ugly ass ex- girlfriend and him got into an argument. That, that got me right there. I asked what his baby mama was saying, if he had a receipt for his money order, and why he was even still talking to an ex-girlfriend. I mean he was in a relationship with me, right? My stomach immediately flopped. I knew it, I just knew it. He never responded to that text. Only when i said I was finally home did he respond. That's when I asked him if I needed to be worried about this ex or any other female for that matter. No response.
I don't know why or what made me check my Facebook messenger. I just did. I had gotten a friend request from some girl I didn't even know. I hadn't even accepted it but there was a message from her. Before I even opened it I knew what it was going to say. She wanted to know what my relationship with him was, because she was in a relationship with him also. She was sure she was the side chick because that's how it always was with him. My heart shattered into a million pieces all over again. I stared at my phone for a good while. I changed into some comfy clothes because in my head I was already at his house beating his ass! I gave her my number and asked her to call me. I called my friend and told her what I had received. She told me she was on her way. As i was waiting for my friend, she called. She apologized but I asked her to explain what was going on. She told me everything. The nights he was out late night drinking with his friends, texting me how much he loved me and couldn't wait to marry me, he was also showing up at her house and sleeping with her. The days he had to get off the phone because he was running errands, he was going to her house because she had ran them for him. The days I was at his house, he was telling her he wasn't at home but with his friends. The time he was telling me he loved me, he wanted to get married, he wanted to have a baby, he was telling her the same thing. He called me babe and called her babe. I swear the word "babe" is going to make me cringe forever. She sent me all of their texts so i forwarded them to him as well as the Facebook message she sent. No response. I called at least 5 times no answer. That's when i decided to take a little drive. I wanted to pound his face in. I wanted to give him every ounce of hurt he had just given me.
He finally called back, he called me babe and said he was finally leaving work. I asked him if he had gotten any of my texts and he said no. Oh he also had the nerve to ask what was my problem. Jackass. I asked him who she was and he swore that she was the ex he had gotten into a fight with and that she has made it a point to ruin every relationship he had. I told him she had sent me all of their texts and he swore she had some how manipulated them. That he wasn't messing with her and then he hangs up! I was like really!? Yes, my friend heard the whole thing. So he texts me and says if I didn't want to hear him out then fine, I could be her best friend and he was done. I didn't know what to say.I cried the whole way to her house. Why did I go? I had to see her, I had to meet her, and I had to hear her out. He was a chicken enough to say he was staying at the rig and wouldn't be going home. Fucking piece of shit.
I got to her house we talked, laughed, cried, drank a beer, and hugged it out. We were both a pawn in his evil little game. I don't blame her. I feel for her because all the shit she did for him just to be treated this way. To be used and tossed aside like it doesn't mater. I am sure she loved him, she loved him the way I did. She wanted forever with him and she wanted him to be hers. He uses women and doesn't care how it will hurt them. He is notorious for this and I have confirmed this with other exes. He likes to play games, he likes to gas light and it's all for his own amusement. I hope Karma bites him in the ass. I hope the next person he tries to play with burns him 100 times worse then he did any of us. I hope he dies lonely and depressed because the ones who actually gave a fuck, he decided to break.
As for me, I am friends with her. I can't thank her enough for opening my eyes and making me realize how useless and pathetic he was. It's funny how throughout all the chaos he caused a friendship bloomed and now we are determined to watch Karma in it's full glory. I blocked him and his friends off of my social media. He doesn't get to see how my life goes. He chose to walk away, he chose to try and hurt me, so he can stay away. I feel better. No more having an anxiety attack every time I see his name pop up on my phone, no more praying to God that he spends time with me, no more crying over that fuck boy. The only thing I am praying for is that I am not knocked up because I don't think that I could have his child. i'd lose my mind if he had to stay in my life at any point. It's fucked up to say, write, or see, but it is the honest truth.
No more tears. My forever is out there somewhere, I just have to be patient.