Three Heartbeats

How is it possible to love and hate equally?
That upon seeing you my stomach is
hypnotized
in a diguise
of butterflies
While my blood boils?
How I recoil
at your touch
Yet melt at your kiss?
Wanting to grab your hair
While full of lust
But in a whirl
Pull away in disgust
Full of mistrust
I am completely nonplussed
When it comes to us.

Three heartbeats....
Dark thoughts and light laughter
Always ending in disaster
In fact
Always ending
While the reciprocation of love is pending.

Three heartbeats...
Three heartbeats is all it took
for my life to be completely shook
Asking myself
How long will it take to realize
that my feelings are not something you
brutalize
That you fantasize
About
So as to inflate your ego
Only to spit upon it when it's exposed right in front of your eyes?
How many more sunrises and sunsets will it take me
to be free
of the lament of our end?

Until time delivers the response
with its dreadful nonchalance
I'll leave this here
I don't care who knows
I'm all exposed
Naked in my truth
A youthful heart that feels likes it's aged
Through years of love and pain
When it's really only been
Three hearbeats