Mask of the Dead

Not good not good not good not-
The words freeze in your head.
You sit down on the cold tile floor,
Knees to your chest,
Arms wrapped around you,
Laying your forehead against the wall.
Tears are streaming down your face,
But you can’t be bothered to wipe them away.
Not good not good not-
This is all happening in your mind.
Outside,
To everyone else,
You are sitting straight backed,
Face expressionless.
But inside it’s chaos.
They are telling you the news,
The very very not good news,
But you are not reacting,
At least to them.
They think it strange,
And ask if you are alright.
All you can do,
Is nod your head and retreat,
Back into your mind.
Bad things happen,
And they take over till you can’t breathe.
You can’t breath,
You suffocate.
You drown.
You try to swim,
You try to take a breath,
But all you do is take in water.
And so you die.
Inside
Outside
Everywhere
You die.
But you still have to keep moving.
And so you move the form of sagging skin and shadows under eyes,
The one that used to be your body,
And you take it,
And bring it about your day,
Your daily, routines,
That are the pathway to the grave.
You do this all with a smile on your face.
The mask of the dead.
And then, for just a second,
Someone will ask,
Just the few simple words,
Are You Okay?
Someone will smile back,
A real genuine smile.
But then, just like that.
Poof.
The moment will be over.
And you will be left with nothing but broken teeth,
And flimsy smiles that let off the weakest bit of light.
You go through the movements of your day with no heart,
No soul.
Which is no wonder,
Since you lost both a long time ago.
Long before the NOT GOOD news came.
Long before any of it really.
And this whole entire time,
All you've wanted to do,
Is lie down and cry.
To go to sleep,
Until it's all over, and there is no more pain.
But a broken heart,
A broken mind,
Are both harder than any of us thought to fix.
And so you keep on hiding,
Behind your mask,
And hope someone will notice,
When you let out a gasp.
One of pain, one of fear,
One of losing all that you hold dear.
You keep on trying, night after night,
Trying to let people know, that you are too tired to fight.
But you just keep on smiling,
Day after day,
And hope someone will notice,
That your whole life has given way...