The seeds of hard life 2

It takes many thoughts as child to figure out who they are but when it seems their is not any decent dream that you can imagine makes it hard to have goals in life. Its another form of more and more defects that effects a child's growth. Whats a kid to think that he will never amount to nothing. On with story, I was around 9 or little older our family had times of masking the abuse by thinking we are happy. Games and any way of escape was a way to be happy but was it right most of time, no but what can you do when you have nothing. Even other kids seem to have care and love. I began seeking girls, i was liking girls more and more. Where i lived there was very little supervisions during the day. Now as a man i think back to some of the things i've seen weren't right but how does a deprived kid do. This is where it gets weird but it goes along with seeding again of child raised to lose. A girl, lets call her autumn was always trying to kiss me, at first it seemed gross but it later gave me weird feeling inside i really felt love or someones casually caring for me for once. I let this go on daily we had fun relationship as kids we was close but she was older and little more wild at her age. We later started to think bout what we was doing, we or she start to feel me down there, it didn't feel right but i let her. Call it crazy but we later did some like dry stuff and she was to far ahead then me so i would avoid her often after these more serious touching happened but i like it. I just knew it was wrong. I always thought someone in her family was touching her in the wrong ways, like i say where i grew up was small and very poor. I think things like this happened to many kids. I hate saying it but most kids were bad mouth and really gross. We was taught to not be gross like, i know its surprising that some values were taught but my parents meant somethings right. I just think they had just hard life as me, they both weren't equip'd to be parents. They been thru way to much as kids. I might never know. It seemed like there was evil around the town. I once seen my mother jump out 2 story apartment to die, what child to think. I went seen here down on ground, i seen her cry but one thing i never told no one that i seen her face and she wanted to die that day from all the pain and hurts she been through. This was at young age to i hate to say it but parents are still together to this day living in hell. Not far from that day i seen her throw boiling water on him so it went both ways. It still was very traumatizing to a child.