The Turd in the Shower

I was a maintenance worker working for a suburban city when it all transpired, this unusual incident and the events surrounding it— What I say next will likely shock you—sicken you— and if you are a little immature— amuse you. I allege that one day a seasonal employee put a turd in the locker room shower. A TURD! Dare to read on as I present the facts that support this allegation:

Why he did it (and where he got the turd from) remains a mystery; however, we'll call him Marcus (I changed his name because he's crazy), and he remains the most likely person of interest for this heinous crime. The other seasonal employees at various times complained of this man's behavior including multiple events that rivaled even the turd incident.

It was once reported that Marcus encountered his ex-girlfriend driving in the opposite direction along a municipal street. This street was typical of a small to medium sized city with parks, crosswalks, sidewalks, two lane roads, and the like. Dave (not crazy), another seasonal worker reported that Marcus pulled a 180 in the work truck and accelerated wildly in pursuit of this girl. He reportedly passed through stop signs exceeding the speed limit and even travelled beyond the city limits before giving up the chase. This same man was dismissed from service for unrelated reasons and was later arrested by the PD inside of our own city pool where he was impersonating a police officer in order to gain entry and sexually harass women inside.

Prior to this incident, the PD was called to a worksite because Marcus falsely reported shots fired from the window of a nearby house. Living inside the house, incidentally, was the current boyfriend of Marcus's ex (the girl he had pursued in the city truck.) These reasons and many more are why this man remains the most likely culprit regarding the turd event. The sound of gunfire as it turns out was actually just a transformer exploding as co-worker Rick severed three phases of underground electric with a back hoe bucket. Now not to defend Marcus's antics, but in retrospect someone shooting at him doesn't seem all that unlikely.

The incident in the shower became known when the custodian discovered a large, dried up turd lying on the floor of the men's shower area. Refusing to clean it up, she then complained to the Superintendent who deferred the event up the chain of command to the Director of Public Works— as important as this was.

In the anti-union/anti-worker atmosphere of the time— the managerial solution was not unexpected. A memo was posted inside of the men's locker room indicating that future occurrences like the turd incident (as it came to be called) would result in all of the men cleaning the shower and locker rooms from top to bottom.

The shop steward (me) then retorted with his own memo even going so far as to post a copy near the management memo in the locker room (I probably should have been fired for that, but fortunately my transgression could not match the notoriety of the turd). My memo stated that it was highly unlikely that a large group of men collectively produced a single turd, and that it was therefore more likely that only one person was guilty— furthermore, the men who use the showers were much more the victims than the complaining custodian (although the complaint was pretty solid).

Beaming with arrogant pride at having posted the smug riposte, I then procured a shovel and removed the turd— hero that I was.

Neither Marcus nor the turd has been seen since.

Ω

Disclaimer
Let's just call this fiction inspired by actual events. I don't need Marcus or the turd coming back to haunt me. Any similarity between any persons real or fictional is either purely coincidental or just plain weird.