Past, Present, Maybe Future

Why did, (do?)
I self-harm?

Is it really
Past tense, yet?

I still harm
Myself, every day.

With my thoughts
My actions and posture.

It’s soothing,
A friend I can go to
When all others have vanished
And gone away forever

It’s a relief,
An outlet when my
Head and heart are so
Cramped something can flow.

It’s my punishment
Against my thoughts
And actions I pretend
Can’t be controlled.

It’s the cure
From boredom and
The spaces my mind
Often wander.

It’s my message
That I, too, see myself
How the world is too
Polite to say aloud.


My reassurance
To God and the world that
I know I’m only a
Stupid human that bleeds.

That is why.
Why I cause and
Endure pain at my
Own hand.

So the question
Remains.
Past or present
Pain?