forbidden love

Nila is my best friend. We are like what people say "soul sisters". She never and ever has kept anything secret from me...same goes for me except one thing.
Nila's younger brother joi. He was 3 years younger than us...i used to look at him everyday....don't know why...but whenever i used to look at him my heart used to feel happiness and guiltness at the same time.He used to call me "deya apu"...i used to laugh at him whenever he used to come at our house....i used to be happy like a kid......
Now i am 28 and happily married with a kid....some days before i went nila's house for a party....saw him there....i used to think all these years that the feeling that i had was just nothing......but when i saw him again there,my heart ached again....i was keep telling myself am i actually happy by keeping this forbidden love just by myself??