By His Side

On this day, I mourn. Not for my life. It has been well lived and with no regrets. No, I mourn for the passing of Him. He who watched over my youth with a caring gaze. He who tamed my wild spirit and gave me a loved life. He who cared for my father before me. He who cared for my grandfather before me. He who has never left my side.

From when I was young, my father told me to trust in Him. Through our pain, He suffers alongside. Through His pain, so must we be there for Him. He will know of pain we cannot fathom. Be it through body, mind, or heart. We must lay at His side to help Him through what pain He might suffer. And so I have. For I have never left His side.

Many have left him. I have been by His side through as much as I could. When His own father and mother had passed. When His beloved never returned. When his own children left His home. I was there. I shared in His pain and His sorrow. He held me so tight it hurt. But I knew His pain was far greater. I believed what pain I can suffer and survive though, so could He survive through what pain He suffers. For I knew no matter how I hurt, the pain I feel is nothing like His. To shield Him from further pain, I would never leave His side.

He was not the only to suffer. I would experience my fair share of pain and hardships. He would always be there for me. When my pain was my own cause, He still cared for me. When I left the safety of our home, I was struck down and broken. I feared for my life. I could not move. I could not speak. I felt myself fading into the dark when I heard His voice. He was calling my name. I mustered all the strength I had left to call back to Him. As the light faded from my eyes, I saw His pained face. I was happy to see Him one last time. But saddened I had caused Him such pain.

I awoke to a warm, lit room could not remember. I heard voices I did not know. In the corner, I saw Him. He was sleeping, but I could tell He was there for a long time. I tried to call for him but my voice failed me. I was still hurt. Despite this, He still awoke. He saw me and tears filled His eyes once more. But not tears of pain or sadness as before. But tears of joy. To bring such joy only by waking, I knew his love for me was real. He embraced me and hugged me softly. He knew I was in pain, but I didn’t care. I hugged him back with all my strength. I too cried from joy. For I could still keep my promise. I will never leave His side.

But not all was pain sadness. I look back at our happy times and smile. I remember His face light up whenever he sees me. I remember His kind words when I would succeed. I remember Him scolding my wrongs while showing me love so as not to drive me away. A foolish immortal, is He. For I will never leave his side.

Many years passed with just us together. Until He found a beloved. She was kind to Him. She was kind to me. And She gave him many children. I too would find a beloved. She was treated with the same kindness I was and gave me many children as well. He, who I trusted with my life, would send my children off to live with His. I trusted His judgement. For His children were as kind as Him. I saw my children many times after. And as my father told me, I too told them to never leave Their sides.

Now I mourn for Him. He is ancient by the years of my kind. Several generations of my own has come and gone, and He had yet to show any aging. Now as my bones ache and my joints grow stiff, as the hair on my face turns grey, as the lights and sounds fade from my senses, the same does for Him. I see His sleeping face. Wrinkles for each experience of His impossibly long life. The nights through which He cried. The days of joy and laughter. All the times even He cannot remember. I was there. By His side.

A tear comes to my eye. Not of sadness. Not of joy. But at the same time, both. I rest my head on His hand. Longing for the days He would rest it on my head. So many years ago. I feel it move. His hand raises to rest on my head. My lip shakes. I know what is to come. I cannot bare to hear these last words. Yet I long to hear His voice one last time. He pets my head as He has done so many times. I see His face smile. His eyes still closed. I feel him take His last breath.

“You’re a good boy, Buddy. A good boy.”

The room stands still. An immortal has passed. The world darkens to blackness. I see a faint light. I hear a voice. It calls my name. My legs no longer shake. My joints no longer ache. I feel the wind on my face as I run. I run to Him. As I have always promised. As I will always be.

By His Side.