Cat Burglar

Toby had been waiting all day for Fluffy to make his move, and he suspected the fat cat knew it. Patiently sipping his coffee, he had peeked over the rim of his cup to find Fluffy glaring at him through green lidded eyes. Later, Toby snapped open the newspaper and waited, pretending to read as Fluffy stretched across a sunny spot on the windowsill. It wasn't until Toby took a bathroom break that the cat nonchalantly padded out the kitty door and across the yard. Toby had heard the silver bell attached to the cat's collar tinkle just as his rear hit the toilet seat.

"Bob Saget!" Toby cursed, standing and yanking his jeans up over his hips. He dashed outside in bare feet just in time to see the cat's black tail disappearing around the corner of the fence. Toby bit his lip as he mentally fought himself.

"Follow the cat!" the right side of his brain yelled.

"But...my shoes! the left side argued back.

"You might not get another chance..." Righty sing-songed before launching into an old jingle from DoubleMint Gum and effectively drowning out any further comments from the left side.

Toby darted across the grass, humming, "Double the sentiment...your merriment...of DoubleMint Gum!" He had to force the song out of his head as he peered around the fence. He gritted his teeth as he caught a flash of black fur darting into Pearl's Jewelry Shop.

"So that's where the little bugger's been getting them!" he hissed. Lifting his chin, Toby boldly stepped out into the street. His feet left a trail of wet prints behind him as he flung open the business's door.

"Aha!" he cried, pointing an accusing finger at the front desk, "I caught you red-handed, er, pawed!" He blinked as he realized Fluffy wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Can I help you, sir?" Toby's eyes shifted to the white-haired lady manning the cash register.

Toby considered the question for a moment before nodding, "Yes. Yes you can. Pearl, is it? You see, Pearl, I've been held hostage by a vicious, thieving monster. I only now was able to escape and figure out where he's been getting his loot." Toby thrust his hands into his pants pocket and pulled out a tangled snarl of gold chains. Diamonds and emeralds sparkled as the light hit them. Toby blushed as he set the expensive necklaces on the front desk.

"I brought it all back. You can count it--"

"Thief!" Pearl squawked. Yanking a dusty phone book from under the counter, she smacked Toby in the head, sending him reeling to the floor.

"It wasn't me, it was the cat!" Toby moaned as the woman raised the thick tomb above her head, ready to dole out another smack-down.

"I highly doubt that, sir!" she snorted as blue-clad officers crashed through the front door, guns drawn. "This is the cat burglar!" Pearl dropped the book on Toby's head and backed away as they grabbed his hands and cuffed him.

"I'm not the cat burglar! My cat, Fluffy, is the cat burglar!" Toby yelled. "He's a mean, old brute. Just look at the scratches on my arm! He's been dragging in jewelry for days now..."

Toby's words were cut off as he was pushed into the back of the squad car. With a sniff, Toby glanced out the window to find Fluffy crouched by the brick building, a pearl necklace hanging from his mouth. The cat's tail swished and he flattened his ears as he made eye contact with his owner.

"You darn cat! Fluffy! Show them I'm not the thief!"

The cat dropped the pearls and stretched, scratching his claws into the cement, all the while staring Toby straight in the eye. Toby wailed with the siren as the police hauled him away.

As Toby sobbed over pen and paper in prison, hoping his scribblings would prove he was innocent, a rattling from the cell across from his distracted him.

Toby screamed as a voice hissed, "Hey, matey, you know...I wish I could write as mysterious as a cat."