The Personality Ray

Mickey Madness woke up when a harsh light invaded his eyes. This far down, sunlight naturally couldn't reach, so Mickey implemented a few lights for that good old vitamin D.

He yawned, heading to his personal throne room for a bathroom break.

A nice cold shower really brings out the best in evil laughs. You simply couldn't get the same accoustics anywhere else!

Micky examined himself in the mirror, where he saw the signature Mickey Madness mask. He'd never taken it off after that one time with the minion.

Thinking about his favourite time of the day, he smiled. It was breakfast.

He headed out of the throne room and saw a table and chair had been put out, complete with a full complement of breakfast items like sausages and eggs. On the side was a nice platter of assorted fruits and the personality ray.

Picking up the red raygun, he first put his sights on his cutlery.

"Fork, reporting for duty!" Cried the fork.

"Sir... I'm spoon.." Whimpered the spoon.

"LET ME AT EM ALREADY BOSS!" Exclaimed the fork.

Mickey gave a big grin as he began to shoot the sausage basket.

Squeaky cries of astonishment came out of the bowl.

Next was a pile of fried eggs.

Then the bread.

He shot every single tub and tray of food on the buffet table.

Mickey then shot in the air with his raygun. "LISTEN UP!" The murmers stopped. "All of you are but toys for my amusement–" A cry from the ceiling fan interupted him.

Another shot from the personality ray quieted it down, allowing Mickey to continue. "There will be only one way any of you will get out alive, and it requires you to run."

A rather brave baby carrot walked up to the edge and pleaded with him. Shrill requests for mercy fell on deaf ears, as the fork in Mickey's hand impaled the carrot.

Mickey chewed it with his mouth open, allowing full view of the mashed remains. The sound of crunched carrot silenced the room.

"Didn't I say.. run?"

And they ran. They climbed out of their bowls and trays and tubs, and made a run for the edge of the table. Fork and knife in hand, Mickey began to feast.

Fork silently impaled a nearby sausage, while knife cut the poor thing into neat little chunks.

Mickey then used spoon to take a nice slurp of cereal. Spoon quietly issued an apology while tens of alphabet letters spelled out unruly curses.

The villain had an appetite for fear, snatching every cowering apple slice, every bean in the chili, and every cookie in the cookie jar.

A half torn apart piece of salami reached the edge of the table, the expression on its face a look of disbelief.

"The monster lied.. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. HOW COULD ANYONE SURVIVE THIS JUMP!" The salami looked down.

It considered the options, one option was to take a leap of faith and have a slim chance of survival, and another option was to be ruthlessly divided into bite sized pieces by a homicidal knife.

The salami jumped.

Landing with a splat, the piece of meat gave a small cry of elation before fork stabbed it, leaving Mickey to add one more piece of meat in his mouth. What? Five second rule.

Mickey sat down in content. He loved screams in the morning.

A small figure dressed entirely in black appeared beside Mickey, motioning to talk. "Sir. Should we clean up the remaining scraps as usual?"

"No need, thats why I bought the dogs. You may leave." Mickey replied.

Holding his trusty raygun, he aimed at the three utensils in his hands.

Knife suddenly tried to stab Mickey, screaming curses and how it wanted to cut him in little pieces too.

"I'M NOT LOSING MY PERSONALITY! NEVER AGAIN!" Cried the knife.

The knife had been inches from his neck before stopping. Mickey, just barely, threw the knife on the ground and shot it with the personality ray.

Fork and spoon sighed. Resigned to their fate, they too became as lifeless as can be.