Journey into the light

I realised one day, that it wasn't the darkness I was afraid of any more. It was the joy that accompanied the light that I sometimes saw outside my house. Even though it was there, I didn't know it truly existed - I didn't really believe in it. It appeared from time to time to the window... and, later, it began to beckon me. One day I decided I could take it no more, and I chose to face the light - see what it wanted.

Once again I was afraid of the unknown. I had no idea what to expect of this light. Darkness had became a comforting warm blanket, shielding me from potential threats of cold air.

On that day, I sat on the dining room chair inside my house, in quiet contemplation, with nothing to fill my mind and no work to occupy my hands. I breathed in and out, staring through the window, as the world outside was very still. The grey clouds filled the sky as usual. The wind was non-existent and there was no activity on the streets. I stayed present as sunlight peeped through the grey clouds.

I had to do it.

I knew it from the beat of my heart to the depth of my soul. I stood up, walked unthinkingly to the front door and stepped outside.

I had to breathe deeply as the outside world overwhelmed me.

This was lightness ...and it was fresh and clean..... a wide open space with no boundaries. Immediately I felt the bright and welcoming warmth from the sun, plus the cheekiness of the cool breeze dancing past my face. I knew I was meant to be here, although ... everything was so different.. yet somewhat familiar. I felt comfortable, but so unstable. Had I been here before? I struggled to think. I couldn't recall clearly the last time I felt this free.

I wanted to move, but panic set in when I didn't know where to place my feet. I looked down but there was no ground underneath me. Suddenly the darkness seemed to push me out of the house.

My feet landed on a platform and the breeze circled around me to rest on my back.

Gently, gently the breeze pushed me along the grey stoned path that laid out spontaneously ahead of me. As I took several steps forwards, it whispered encouragement as it blew against my back, and asked me not return to the darkness.

I laughed because I knew that it wasn't going to let me turn around anyway, especially as I was now on my way, walking the path that had been set for me.

My feet was hitting the ground with a slow gradual increase feel of solidity. They seemed to keep moving as if there was a gravity-like force pulling them forwards. After some time, I looked back towards the house but it was now distant and small. Would I ever go back? I kept moving, and as I studied it a little more, I realised it was no longer a house, but a small dark circle. I looked back towards my path and down at my feet. They were much bigger than before. Stunned, I brought my hands into eyesight and then realised my whole body had increased in size.

The darkness couldn't take me back now, I thought. I'm too big, I would never fit.

As I said these words to myself I realised that I didn't care. I was now light, floaty and shapeless. My lines had gone, and it felt pointless looking for them. My time was precious and there was work to do in the light.

I could never define what this work was. All I did was to keep walking forwards, accepting the tasks that came my way. I made no judgements or expectations, somehow knowing that it was all going to add up in the end, to equal a life in which the purpose had been well met.

While on this path, I also had to let the pain of the past wash over me from time to time. Sometimes it was receded to wash back over me once more, but it didn't stay and it never drowned me. Maybe I had to accept this occasional washing to allow me to keep moving forwards. Maybe I wasn't meant to let it all go. Learning to move with these occurrences was challenging and frequently lead me to stumble, however the path never stopped opening up and my feet always kept going. And keep going I will... until the path is no more.