Outside In

Outside In - Chapter 2

Purchasing a new pair of jeans and some running shoes with the credit card my dad gave me for "emergencies" left me feeling somewhat guilty. I knew that he wouldn't be angry with me because he often suggested that I go and buy myself some new clothes, usually after I raided his closet for a sweatshirt or a clean white dress shirt to wear to school. Nevertheless, I still felt guilty as I shoved my sweatpants into my bag and threw my old sneakers in the trash can of the ladies' washroom. I looked in the mirror and pulled my long, dirty-blond hair out of its ponytail, smoothed it out as best I could and then tied it back again. Deciding the black t-shirt I wore under my windbreaker was presentable enough, I tied the jacket around my waist. Even with all of these adjustments, I still wished I had taken the time to shower before I left. I applied a little mascara that I picked up from the drug store and some cherry lip gloss that I always kept in my bag. Looking at my watch, I was surprised to see that it was already noon, so I picked up my bag and made my way to the food court to meet Mel.

The bright yellow colour of her sweater made it easy to spot her through the crowd that had gathered for their lunch. Her dark curly hair cascaded over her shoulders and framed her tanned face. Her makeup was perfect and natural looking, as usual, and the scarf she had tied around her head was just slightly darker than the sweater she was wearing. She looked every bit like a gypsy as she leaned forward, her elbows on the table, intent on reading someone's future. In contrast, my straight dark blond hair, pasty skin and dark blue eyes were nothing more than ordinary, if not forgettable.

As I walked toward her I noticed that she was not alone at the table. There were two male figures sitting in the seats across from her. I could only see the backs of their heads but one of them had dark hair and was wearing a dark jean jacket that seemed very familiar. My heart began to pound in my chest as recognition sank in - It couldn't be him, I told myself. What were the chances? As I drew closer, the noises of the food court, the talking, laughing and shouting, the banging of trays as they collided with garbage cans, all the noises became muffled, as though I were listening to them from another room. I looked from one head to the other. Mel hadn't noticed me yet and I slowed to give myself as much time as possible to figure out who was sitting with her.

My eyes flew from one boy to the other but neither turned enough for me to see their faces. Finally, after hearing one of Mel's loud but musical chuckles, one face turned enough for me to see who he was. Greg. What on earth was he doing talking to Mel? All three of us had been in school together for three years and in all that time, he'd never as much as nodded in our direction. Now, all of a sudden, he was chatting with Mel at the mall?

My eyes drifted over the dark-haired boy. He still had not turned enough for me to see his face but I was sure now that it was him - the green-eyed stranger. My throat was so dry that I was having difficulty swallowing - a complication, I realized, that would make it even more difficult for me to speak when I approached. Mentally I flipped through the catalogue of generic greetings that I had acquired over the years; there had to be something in there that didn't require eye contact or even speech but I came up empty. Panic gripped me and my heart rate accelerated. I had made a fool of myself in front of the green-eyed stranger once before and remembering my earlier make-shift makeover, I knew I was doomed to repeat that if I didn't find a way out of this. I'd be lying though, if I didn't say that I was curious to at least find out his name. Part of me actually wanted to go over there but I reasoned that Mel could tell me his name later; I was sure she'd want to divulge all the details of her encounter with the new boy.

Finally, I decided that the crowds around me provided enough cover for me to slip away unnoticed. I could call Mel on her cell phone and say the bus was late and ask her to meet me somewhere else. Just as I was looking around and plotting the best possible path out of the mess I found myself in, Mel's voice rang out loudly through the hum of the crowd around me.

"Sam? Sam, over here." I looked over to see that all three pairs of eyes at the table were looking at me as I stood dumbly in the centre of the food court, not 10 feet away from them.

I did my best to smile and tried to swallow the dry lump of cotton that had lodged itself in my throat. With my heart hammering in my ears, I walked toward them, my sore knees screaming at me as I forced them to bend and extend fully. The last thing I wanted was a noticeable limp conjuring up images of me sprawled out on the sidewalk.

"Are you okay?" Mel asked with a concerned smile.

I nodded as I took my seat. "Fine, why?" I asked, trying to pretend that there weren't two pairs of interested eyes on us. Mel shrugged and motioned toward her friends. "You know Greg from school, right?" she asked by way of introduction.

If she meant "know" as in I'd seen him around but he never so much as looked at me or acknowledged my existence, then of course I did.

"Yeah, hi," I said quietly, smiling stiffly and forcing myself to make eye contact with him. He nodded back and smiled and I wondered if he was picturing me as I had awkwardly picked myself up off the pavement. My cheeks flushed instantly and I looked away.

"And this is Nick English. He's kind of the new kid." Mel laughed as she nodded directly across the table at the green-eyed stranger.

I looked over at him with every intention of saying hello and smiling politely, but when he looked toward me and our eyes met, I found myself having difficulty remembering how to breathe. His dark green eyes reminded me of the colour of the ocean - not the shallow, light blue water you'd find at the beach but the darker, deeper parts of the ocean and at that moment I felt very much as though I was drowning in that very ocean. I took a deep breath and tried to form some words, any words that might make this moment a little less awkward than it already was, but nothing came to me.

"Hi." He smiled and there was a little laughter in his voice; it was pleasant laughter, though - no mocking in it at all.

I dragged my eyes away from the perfect pink lips framed with two adorable dimples and tried to look at his forehead. I knew if I went back to those eyes, I would never find my voice.

"Hi," I said and hoped it hadn't sounded as breathless to him as it had to me.

Mel hadn't seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. She slipped a piece of folded paper that Nick had been holding loosely in his hand, unfolded it and showed it to me. "He just got his schedule yesterday; he's in our Math class and my English and Sociology classes," she informed me, sliding her finger along the timetable grid to show me where his classes were. I tried to focus on the paper but the tiny typed words were all a blur to me. What was wrong with me? These were just two boys who probably had had nowhere else to sit and were merely humouring us. I looked over at him again and caught him staring at Mel as she bent over his paper. Maybe that was it! Was the new boy interested in Mel? It wouldn't surprise me. I often wondered why she didn't have a boyfriend being as pretty and friendly as she was. A nagging feeling in my belly reminded me that it might have something to do with her anti-social best friend. I looked away as his eyes drifted over to me; did he look a little embarrassed at being caught staring? I looked back down at the paper just as Mel was folding it up and handing it back to him.

"It kind of sucks that we have a Math test on Tuesday, huh?" she said as he took the paper from her.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I guess. I think you guys are covering that same stuff that we were at my old school, though. Not that it matters; Math's not exactly my best subject." He chuckled softly and glanced quickly in my direction before his eyes settled on Mel again. Yep, he was definitely interested in her! He could barely tear his eyes away from her. Greg nodded over toward the Burger Hut stand and elbowed Nick in the ribs. "There's Andy."

Nick followed his gaze and nodded; they both stood up. "We better get going," Nick announced somewhat apologetically.

Greg turned in the direction of the Burger Hut with Nick following close behind him. Just when I thought I was going to get out of this with no mention of my painful and embarrassing trip, Greg turned around, his mouth twisted into a wry grin.

"So how're your knees?" The laugh in his voice was quite different from Nick's; he was most definitely mocking me. My head instantly fell and I studied my hands as my fingers twisted frantically in my lap.

"Fine, thanks," I whispered, although I knew he was not at all concerned. My cheeks flamed so badly that I broke out into a sweat. I didn't dare look over at Nick.

"Let's go," I heard Nick whisper and then I suppose they left because when I looked up again, they were gone.

"What was that all about? You're red as an apple, Sam!" Mel laughed.

I hadn't planned on telling Mel about the incident in front of the school; I had just wanted to forget about it all together but I knew she wouldn't let it go, so I told her all about it, leaving out, of course, the dreams I had had about Nick. Now that I had a name to place with his face, it seemed that much more humiliating to be dreaming about him.

"Oh Sam. It could only happen to you!" Mel sighed.

"Tell me about it," I nodded and, eager to change the subject, I turned to her and asked, "What on earth did they want, Mel? Why were they sitting with you?"

Mel's brows furrowed and she shrugged. "It's the weirdest thing, Sam. I was just sitting here, waiting for you, and they walked right up and asked if they could sit with me. I didn't see why not so I said sure." She shrugged on her jean jacket and flipped her hair back before continuing. "Greg introduced me to Nick and we started talking about his schedule and stuff." She stood up and I followed her as we weaved through the maze of crowded tables. "His dad's the new principal. How creepy would that be, to have your dad be the principal at your school?" She shuddered dramatically. "Anyway, they started talking about some party that's happening next Saturday and then, right out of the blue, Greg turns to me and is like," she turned to me suddenly as we made our way out of the food court, "'You should come, Mel.' Just like that." Her perfectly shaped eyebrows flew up with those last words and she laughed. "Can you believe it?"

She seemed so excited by the prospect of attending one of the many parties that were held by the school's swim team, that I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd pretty much rather be doing anything than go to that party. They were legendary for being the "place to be" on a Saturday night, mostly because parents were never around and somehow alcohol always managed to flow freely. At school the following Mondays I would overhear stories about sex, police being called and drugs being smoked - not really my scene and I was surprised that it would be Mel's.

We had never been invited to any of these parties because up until now, we had never had any contacts inside the swim team. I wondered if Nick had somehow convinced Greg to invite Mel and ignored the pang of jealousy that reverberated through my chest.

"I'll need to find something to wear Sam; my summer wardrobe needs some help." Mel stood up quickly. "Let's go find something; you'll need something new too," she added.

I looked up at her, suddenly confused. "What do I need something new for?" I asked as she pulled me toward the escalators.

"The party, silly. Your summer wardrobe is worse than mine!" she explained.

"Um, Mel, I'm not going to any party. I wasn't even invited," I reminded her.

"Don't be silly." She waved her hand dismissively. "Everyone knows that where I go, you go."

Everyone? I wondered what "everyone" she was talking about. As far as I was concerned, Mel and I were about as popular as a pop quiz on a Monday morning. "I don't think so, Mel. You know parties aren't my thing."

She sighed heavily and I could tell she was much too focused on her mission to find the perfect outfit to argue with me. "Fine, I have all week to convince you anyway - oh let's go in there; that skirt looks perfect!" And with that, she was pulling me toward her favourite store. For the moment, her focus had shifted away from me onto the short jean skirt and red hooded sweater displayed in the store window. I had no doubt that she would try and change my mind over the coming week; she definitely knew how to go after what she wanted but I was also sure that my dislike for crowds and unfamiliar situations was much stronger than any argument she could ever come up with.