10 pm thoughts about you

I thought that I knew what love was, before I even knew you.
But now I understand that could not have been possible,
Because not only do I love you,
But your very existence is synonymous to that word.
To the meaning beneath the phonetics,
And the feeling behind the letters.
After I met you, I found that I had not really known what love was after all.
Instead I learned what it is not.
Love is not fleeting.
It is not crying at 2 in the morning.
It is not heinous words thrown in spite.
It is not a constant battle of “what are we?”.
It is not explosive fits of blame.
It is not unreciprocated feelings.
It is not sex all the time.
And in learning what it is not,
I learned what it is.
Love is right now.
It is being able to express honest thoughts and feelings.
It is supporting each other not only through good experiences but the bad as well.
It is hearing your heartbeat while lying next to you in bed,
And thinking about how fascinating everything is.
It is validation.
It is feeling like myself and knowing who I am whenever I’m around you.
It is knowing that everything is going to be ok.
With her it was more of a compulsive obsession than anything.
A constant need for reciprocated feelings and affection.
Maybe it’s true that I loved her.
But with you it’s different.
With you it’s knowing I can fall asleep and you’ll still be there tomorrow.
It’s not only knowing that feelings are reciprocated,
But feeling it too.
The thing is, loving is different than being in love.
And I’d never been in love until now.