What Storms Shake the Oceans of my Sleep

It was well after lunchtime when lights finally started blinking in Raven’s vision. Piercing colours hit her eyes and caused her to squint in its presence. She sat on the floor by the front door for a second wondering how she had gotten there. Her head ached and her vision spun slowly. Gradually her memory returned and she pulled herself from under the blanket. A blanket. She hadn’t remembered a blanket. A smile curved her lips as she thought of B. Leaning against the door for the support she thought of that morning. Of Dimitri. And his warning. He had said that they were coming tonight, the people that assassinated their grandfather. Ridiculous, normal people weren’t assassinated. It was just a joke. Her memories went fuzzy after that. She remembered the spinning and the voices screaming in her head. Raven kicked herself for being so weak. A panic attack. How pathetic. But most she regretted not getting more information out of him. She still didn’t know anything about Godfrey, or why he was killed. Rubbing her forehead, Raven stumbled back through the hallway towards the kitchen. B was still sat in there, this time drawing. She slumped into one of the chairs looking at him. His face was normal as if they hadn’t had a peculiar meeting with a stranger that told them they were in danger and then had a sister that passed out. Raven was relieved that he didn’t understand the world around him, it would break him. It was definitely trying its best to break her and Raven were defiantly braving the storms. It was her duty to keep B safe. She had promised him that. He hadn’t looked up yet and seemed completely oblivious to her presence. Raven sighed knowing that she had to talk to him about what just happened and how much he understood.

“Well, that was strange this morning wasn’t it?” He tensed at her words and she immediately regretted bringing it up.

“He said we are in danger,” B said slowly and deliberately, his tone still light as if he was asking what they were going to have for lunch. Raven, however, noticed his fingers scratching the surface of the table and his knee bobbing up and down frantically. Raven didn’t know what to say at first, she didn’t completely understand either and for once she felt like she was in the same boat as her brother.

“Well,” she said almost as slowly to make sure he heard every word, “he’s wrong. We are safe here. No one is coming. I’m sure he got us mistaken for someone else.” Her breath caught in her throat waiting for B’s response. She didn’t really believe what she was saying and she only hoped that B would.

“He knew our names.” B’s mutter was barely audible and Raven noticed he was playing with the gold stamped letters on the book. GODFREY MULLIGAN.

“B, it means nothing. It was a joke.” At her words, memories from earlier flashed through her vision.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop…

It must be a joke…

A sick joke…

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop…

Please…

A cruel joke…

All lies…

Stop…

Scrunching her eyes tight she brought herself back to reality. B hadn’t seemed to have said anything and he still wasn’t looking at her. Taking a deep breath Raven thought about what she knew. Her grandfather was dead, apparently assassinated because of something he did probably, and now her and B were in danger. What would someone have to do to get assassinated? Raven cast this from her mind, wanting to think of Godfrey as the smiling, soft-eyed man in the faded photographs and not a criminal. No one from their family had ever met them and many people didn’t know about Raven and B’s heritage- least of all them. These people coming for them therefore probably didn’t know who they were or where they are. So they had some time. That is if any of it was true.

“I promise you I’ll keep you safe, forever. No one will ever hurt you.” Ravens eyes burned with passion and conviction. They had lived through so much; she wouldn’t let this practical joke break them. She had always kept B safe and she would continue to do so.

“You promise?” B looked up for the first time seeing deeper into his sister’s eyes then she felt completely comfortable with and causing the hair on the back of her neck to stand to attention. His eyes were flushed with fear and dread. Their two green orbs flashed together both bright with emotion; Raven’s like fireworks crackling and bursting spits of energy, B’s like an ocean deep and melancholy containing secrets too deep to surface.

“I promise; I will protect you. Nothing will ever happen to you. I won’t let it.” B looked down again and Raven noticed that his knee had slowed slightly. She seemed happy with what she had achieved and stood up moving to the fridge saying;

“Now, are you ready for some food?”

B had taken a while to get to sleep that night. He refused to go until Raven agreed to sleep next to him. After promising multiple times that she wouldn’t leave him at all during the night he had finally drifted off. Raven spent about 20 minutes with him to make sure that he was definitely asleep before easing out of the bed and walking to the bathroom down the hall. The floor was cold under her feet and she shivered slightly on entering the bathroom, moving without persuasion. She washed her face with cold water and brushed her teeth slowly. Sighing she looked in the mirror and was met with her reflection. Short for her age, dark brown hair that stood up in every which way, and murky green eyes. She didn’t like her appearance. She wasn’t pretty. Her nose was quite large and matched her teeth that seemed too big for her. The only thing that was noteworthy with her appearance was her eyes. They were a deep green with flecks of gold in. But even this wasn’t good enough for her. B’s eyes were alive and thoughtful while hers were dull and she envied him for having them. She looked down at her hands. The fingers were short and stubby and withered from the years of cleaning she had done, her fingernails were bitten and grimy. Looking back at the mirror she saw that the girl in them had silent tears falling down her face. Putting a hand to her face Raven felt the tears warm at her fingertips. She blinked slowly and when she opened them again she saw something else.

Blood.

She saw it dripping down her face. Blood also poured down her arms and legs and she felt disgusting. The girl in the mirror frantically clawed at her face attempting to wash away the blood but just creating a red claw mark. Just a scratch, not deep enough to draw real blood. No matter how fast or hard she scrubbed, using a flannel or pumice the blood wouldn’t leave. It continued to drip down her body immersing her in misery, sleepwalking on an ocean of happiness that she could not baptise herself in. The crying and clawing continued for a few minutes in silence. She tore at her arms, legs, stomach until she was raw with attempting to get rid of the blood she could see. She stopped, breathing heavily and washed her hands and face again. Stupid girl… She thought cruelly Stupid, stupid girl…

She continued to stare into the mirror for a few minutes before reaching into the cupboard beside it. She pulled out a small bottle filled with pills. Tipping out one she started to put the lid back on. Stupid, stupid girl… She paused for a beat before taking the lid back off and tipping another couple of pills. Another beat. Another 10 pills. Another beat. Stupid, stupid girl… The whole contents of the bottle. She then paused, looking at the red-eyed, tear streaked face of the broken girl before her. She barely noticed that there was no blood. Stupid, stupid girl… She picked up a glass of water off the side and tipped her head back, craving the numbness. Her legs shook, knees weak and shoulders seemed to drag her down. Pausing, breathing for a second she stopped and looked back at the broken girl in the mirror. Broken.

Raven tipped all but one pill back into the bottle before tightly screwing the lid on and putting it in the cupboard. Sleep that’s all she needed, sleep, and the voices to go for a while. She took her happy little pill rubbing the pain out of her eyes. Raven dragged her feet through to her own room and after closing the door collapsed onto the bed. She had slipped into the abyss of sleep before her head even reached the pillow. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl…