The Questioning ME

How do I do it? How do I continue walking every day? How do I continue to face the crowd? How do I live without my family? Many questions just like this tie into the biggest question you could ever ask someone. "Are you okay?" This is THE biggest question I get asked. Do I always answer truthfully? No, but honestly does anyone?

Are you okay? Everyone asks this question. Either because they don't know another way to word it, or they just don't know what else to say. But who really answers this truthfully all of the time. Many times we answer with the response, "I'm fine." When you type this into urban dictionary, what comes out is the absolute truth. The top definition is "The biggest lie anyone can say". When you answer with "I'm fine.", are you really fine, or are you dieing inside? Urban dictionary calls us out even more by saying it means you are broken, hurt, and not Okay. But don't we say it so people don't worry?

There are many different reasons this could be the biggest question we have ever been asked. Everyone lies about it at some point and there's a different reason for it for each and every person. You could have lost a pet, gotten a bad grade, you could be getting bullied, or you could have just had a bad day. Most of the people in this room barely know me, you don't know my story and neither do I know yours. But I'm telling the truth today.

My main reason for getting asked this question everyday is because the people that know me are worried. I have not always been in the best place, I haven't always been able to walk around a school acting normal every day. I am sure everyone has guessed some reason as to why I was like that at some point. Heck some of you may have even gotten part of it right. What is a girl without her family? That is my question to you, and the reason as to why I get asked this question on a daily basis. Now let me put you in this position.

You get disappointed everyday that you wake up and you see a loving dad to another kid. Yours has never cared to meet you, he didn't even like you when he was around. Anyone can live without one parent though. There is single parent families everywhere. What happens when the other parent gets taken away? It makes you think "What could I have done to stop it?" It is painful for you, the one that has been doing everything you could do to help your mother. Babysitting your brother since elementary school, learning to do all the household chores needed to be done. It really makes you think "What did I do wrong?" When a mother commits suicide, it rings hard in her daughter's heart for the rest of her life.

Within the month, you get a call from your brothers grandparents saying they are moving to Montana. You are forced to say that you understand and that it's okay. You tell them that it is "fine," that you will be fine. The little boy you basically raised. You taught him how to brush his teeth properly, taught him how to read well, taught him how to cook simple meals on his own. And you groaned when he would still come to you to cook for him everyday. But you put his happiness before yours, giving up the last piece of your mom. And now you wish you had cherished those moments. Now that you have seen through my eyes, you see everything that runs through MY mind when someone asks me the biggest and most lied to question.

So the question is when you ask "Are you okay?", does anyone actually answer truthfully? You didn't know my past, so you never know the past of the person you could be asking. Always try to look them in the eye and gage the truth. If you think they may be lying chance is they probably are. Ask them again. Chances are they just need a shoulder to cry on. An ear to listen, be that ear. Then the question "Are you okay?", will not be so much of a dreaded question to hear.