Jeff and Jinxy Take Washington

1000 words.

"I have a dream," Jeff said placing his hands on the desk. He looked around the oval office before landing back on his Vice President, Jinxy. "That I am not impeached."

"What did you think was going to happen when you tried to seduce Prince William by saying you would sign the country back over to England for as you put it, his 'tea and crumpets'?"

"How many times do I have to apologize for that?"

"Once would be good." Jinxy brushed a dread from behind her ear. People often remarked on how she looked like Taraji P. Henson and Michelle Obama had a baby with the voice of Mariah Carey, before she forgot how to sing. "Even if you are impeached, Once I take over I'll just pardon you. You will never see the inside of a jail cell."

"That would be a good plan. Plus, I would still get $450,000 a year and could go make another play for the Prince, I think he was wearing down." A smile crossed Jeff's face. He wouldn't have to continue being President, and he would keep getting money. It was as if he had won the criminal lottery. "I think if I run around Buckingham Palace naked, I can land the Prince."

"Let's stay focused here. We can get you through this without much trouble." Jinxy sighed, the weight of taking over the Presidency made her uncomfortable. Truth be told though, Jeff had lasted longer in office than she had expected. He had made it three whole weeks before his gaffe. "Plus, don't forget Duchess Kate. She is his wife."

"She's dull, and I'm fun. Wait a second; I have an idea!" The look on Jeff's face told her that there was going to be trouble. "I'll do what always works for us. I'll mimic a celebrity to get out of trouble."

"We have a plan! Last time you emulated Miley Cyrus, you ended up naked on a wrecking ball. You cannot do that; it's not Presidential." She held her breath and counted to 10, knowing that whatever plan he had come up with would cause more trouble but he would go with it. "And you cannot pull off the Britney shaved look. 2007 was not a good year for you."

"No, I'm going to do what Donald Trump did!"

"For the last time, you cannot grab men by the genitals. And do you remember what your season of The Bachelor ended up like? You nearly got the show canceled." Jinxy sighed. The only thing that eased her stress was that Jeff did not have access to his Twitter account. She never thought she would be thankful he uploaded naked pictures from the Lincoln Bedroom. "2007 was an awful year."

"Those things are boring anyways. No, I'm going to be interviewed by Judge July and just claim that anyone who votes for impeachment is a traitor and an enemy of the state." Jeff pulled his cell phone from his pocket and set it on the desk. "It's all set up. Now to figure out what network to have it air on."

Jinxy sighed.

The interview came together quicker than what Jinxy had expected. She was under the impression that Jeff had set this up before he told her about it. Judge July stormed passed her. The TV judge was short and thin. When her head bobbed back and forth, it looked like Jack-in-the-box. "I cannot believe that I have to miss a day of deciding custody of the tequila stash for this. Spoiler Alert: I keep it most of the time."

Jeff came running up; he had on a Britney T-shirt and cargo shorts. Jinxy looked down at her outfit and sighed. Why had she got dressed up for this? Jeff looked back, "Come on, we're getting started."

Judge July looked into the camera and did an intro. During which she stopped three times to take a slug from a flask. After she finished, "So Mr. President, why have me do this thing? Why not Oprah or Murphy Brown?"

"I wanted Murphy Brown, but she was on assignment for FYI."

"And she's fictitious." Jinxy rubbed her temples.

"And Oprah has a restraining order. She was outraged that I crumbled up bread and tried to feed her like a duck. I don't get why that upset her; she said she liked bread."

Judge July gulped from the flask and rolled her eyes. "So, you tried to sign America back over to the British for one night with Prince William."

"It's all a misunderstanding that the Senate is jumping all over without the facts. See what had happened was, I was wandering around Buckingham Palace looking for the dining room. I accidentally ended up naked in the shower with the Prince. And might I say he has a beautiful scepter."

"Really?" Judge July leaned forward as she took another drink. "Mr. July's sags and drags on the ground."

"Can we please focus on the topic at hand?" Jinxy asked, annoyed.

"Well Madame Vice President, why weren't you there to help the President find the dining room?"

"He is a grown ass man! I am not responsible for what he does." The outrage took them all by surprise. "And I'm a little curious about how Prince Harry looks naked."

"I've always had a thing for Prince Charles. Sometimes I like to pretend I'm Camilla." Judge July leered. "Mr. President, is there any last words you'd like to share?"

"Listen if being horny is a crime then I am guilty but then so is every other politician in Washington. We might as well impeach everyone and have monks run the country. Can you imagine how boring that would be?"

Judge July took another drink from the flask and then handed it to Jeff, who gave it to Jinxy after he took a sip.

"No charges will be pressed against the President." A headline read the next day. Jinxy was relieved.