A letter to you

I feel like my writing is full of void.
Spots in between the lack of character and over done emotion.
Every time I write, I feel I'm up against a wall.
A wall of insecurities and fear.
Not knowing when you'll read it, if you'll like it, or if you'll hate it.

For years I wondered what you thought of me.
And always wanted you to approve of me.

For days and days I coloured inside the lines,
I stayed inside the boat,
I remained a fly on the wall.
Every minute was filled with trying to please you.
Like a lost sheep, I wondered, following anyone, and anything,
just trying to fit in.

Even now, I sit here in a war.
My mind says stays quiet, my heart says yell it from the rooftop!
I am fighting here, to find me.

I want to make my mark in this world,
Make each moment count,
Rely on my friends, even the ones you hate.

I want to experience the world -
Throw tomatoes in Spain,
Camp along the ocean, and listen to the waves roar all night,
Smoke Marijuana in a coffee shop in Amsterdam,
Walk down the streets of Beijing and count all the bicycles.

I want to be able to call you, and tell you about my travels.
I want to drive to your house just because I miss you.

Most of all, I want you to see me.
Not someone who you want me to be.

Because I'm not staying in the boat any longer,
and my creativity is seeping past the lines.
I will love you all the same,
But I will no longer hold me back.