Conflicted

While I had my eyes on everyone else
I guess you had your eye on me
It tore me to hear the truth
I have been avoiding to see
It's hard to choose
between nature and nurture
I will always believe
in the things unseen
but this pull towards
old habits and uncertainty
has me conflicted and torn
to pieces
I am ashamed but as well
feel a suffocating anxiety
that brings upon a guilt
I keep on denying
I crave peace but tangle
myself further in a web
I'm stuck in the middle
and the middle is no good
They don't understand
the truth I know
but you read me
and saw that I'm torn.
I don't know if I'll change
and I don't know if I can
I have an urge to find
someone as conflicted
as I' am.
I'm terrified that
I'm no good
and I'm scared
for the day
my judgment
will come through.