Abyss Trap

I am so empty inside. I do not know how this started but it feels like I always was this way.
No way to bring back the colors in my life. It's all grey and senseless.
No real emotions or expressions. I am so deep in this hole I do not even know how the outside looks anymore. All the people I meet are they even real?... or am I imagining it all.
It feels hopeless to try and change the way I see things and still I try day in and day out.
I fall asleep while begging for my heart to stop and I wake up dissapointed that I still excist.
This whole world is doomed we are living in Hell that is why I do not fear death.
For I already am. For millions of years we have died and relived our memories.
And I am getting sick of it. I cannot change the course I have laid before this life.
Everytime I synchronize with events or moments and I know I've already been here.
But that makes me wonder if this is all real? does it respond to my being or does it just make me follow the path.
I don't know anymore...
Feeling so lost that I might find something no one has ever witnessed.
On the brink of genuis and insanity I crumble and my character shows the cracks.
The spirit takes over for it knows all but still this body is too weak.
I hope I won't end it all... but if I do I did it all my lives so there is nothing new to this.
Peace and Love from above.